| Re: Favourite headlines from "The Onion"
'A landmine seizes power in Angola' (''...the citizens of Angola have long awaited a leader who is a non-sentient object designed to maim people'')
'A 114yr old attributes longevity to random chance'
'A company you've never heard of wants to reward you for your good credit'
'A flood of cheap Afghan heroin will arrive just in time for the recession'
'A massive oil spill results in improved wildlife viscosity' | 
