| What would YOU do?
I was put in quite a socially difficult situation by one of my friends recently. I'd like to relate the story to you and ask...."what would YOU do?"
So, I was sitting in the flat enjoying "The top 100 longest sticks of spaghetti" on Channel 5, with brilliant commentary from likes of Jimmy Carr and Ian Hyland, when there was a rap-rapping at my door. I don't usually answer my door, as I live on my own and rarely have unexpected visitors, but the rap-rapping became more frantic so, thinking it was clearly something demanding my immediate attention, I elected to find out who it was.
I unbolted and, cautiously, opened the door to see a great friend of mine, sweating, wide-eyed and with a great look of distress on his face. He pushed me to the side and stumbled into the hallway where he stood, hunched over, panting, and with hands on knees.
Between gasps he managed the words, "Can I use your bathroom, please!". I admit I hesitated, shocked by his state of welfare, but after a few seconds I answered with a "Y...".
Before I had a chance to complete the syllable he, with a blood curdling, anguished yell, whipped down his jeans and started, in front of my incredulous eyes, giving birth to exactly one million baby newts all over my hall. The newts were piling up like the jackpot of some perverted gambling machine. Soon, they were up to my neck. Fearing I might drown I made my escape by using his head to push myself from the deluge, submerging him completely in the effort.
I immediately made for the door. Haven't been back or heard from him since, I'm terrified he may have suffocated under his nightmarish progeny.
What would you have done?
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If Schrodinger had a cat, it would definitely be dead by now. | 
