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Scott Learns to Skateboard 7: Scott is Stupid.

It is said that only two things in life are certain, Death, and Taxes. I tend to disagree with the latter, as it is more than possible to dodge taxes for an indeterminate amount of time. Also, it is possible to negate certain taxes through lifestyle choice, such as car tax.

With that in mind, I would seek to replace ‘Taxes’ with ‘Stupidity’, as I fully believe it is impossible to go through life without making, or coming across, stupid acts or behaviours. It would, however, be naïve to assume that all stupidity is the same, that it can be lumped into one category. It would also be naïve to assume that all stupid acts are in fact, mistakes.

To give an example, this time last year, after a fight with my then girlfriend, I went out to my then student union, and got more than a little drunk. Hours later, on the way home, I decided that it would be a fantastic idea to climb up the Glasgow University Round Reading Room. As expected, I promptly fell off, and landed myself with soft tissue damage in both feet.

Soft tissue damage is painful. Soft tissue damage on the part of your body that supports most of your weight is incredibly painful. Having skint elbows when you wake up, hung-over, try to get up, realise you can’t support your own weight, and fall over, is painful, but compared to soft tissue damage, does not exist.

This would be an example of a stupid mistake. Other types of stupidity include the common ‘wilful ignorance’ that afflicts the majority of the consumer populace, by which proximity to a customer service agent reduces the average intellect and emotional maturity of any given adult, to that of a 5 year old with a Ritalin deficiency.

There are, thankfully, examples of stupidity that can be described as an ‘overabundance of imagination.’ The kind of stupidity that provokes someone to take risks for no great reward, save for the experience, and perhaps the attention. Such an example makes the bulk of this Skateboarding entry. (Yes, this does feature skateboarding at some point).

One fine Tuesday, I decided to go out, and that in the absence of a car (R.I.P), I would skateboard to the Queen Margret Union. This part of the story contains no stupidity, just the feat of making it from St George’s Cross to the steps of the QMU within ten minutes, including the big hill on University Avenue.

The stupidity comes approximately 2 to 3 hours later. Emerging from the QMU, slightly worse for wear, I declared my intention to go to the skate park in Kelvingrove Park, at what can only be described as ‘Rape o’clock’. For those who do not know, Kelvingrove Park has a reputation for playing host to a number for sexual assaults directed at those foolhardy enough to venture through its gates in the twilight hours. Thankfully, five other idiots also thought this was a good idea, and so off we went.

This is where we define the difference between stupid mistake, and the awesome kind of stupid. One word: consequences. When I fell off that building, I couldn’t walk. When I went to the Skate park at rape o’clock whilst pissed, I skated as well as usual, and got a good hour’s worth of practice with the whole park to myself. In this case, my overabundance of imagination, and blind luck afforded me opportunities not normally available.

Sometimes, a little stupidity goes a long way.

Happy Skating.
Scott.