When two young men from Greenock are sitting in a Gourock coffee house bored what is there to do? The pub, the bookies, a game of Monopoly or harassing school kids seems old hat. Why not go for a drive. Largs is a nice wee day out. The arcades in Ardrossan are worth a gander. Over the water to Dunoon, Millport or Arran at a push isn't a bad idea.
Fuck that shit. I'm heading for Stranraer.
It's a great drive down the coast. I'd recommend you get someone else to drive so you can actually take it in. From Gourock to Stranraer, via Ayr, has a few cracking views over the Firth of Clyde and Ailsa Craig and such. If you go via Dumfries there are equally stunning views as you come along the South coast of Scotland. It might be fair to say the best thing about Stranraer is going to it (or coming away from it)
You can see Stranraer from a few miles off as you drive towards it. It's right in at the very nook of Loch Ryan and is visible pretty much as soon as you get past Cairnryan (where the boats go to Larne and various other places on the Emeral Isle). It's also a good idea to stop for petrol in Cairnryan as the petrol here seems to be the cheapest in the country. I assume this has something to do with the lorries that get off the boats at the terminal across the road from it but don't grumble. Just fill up.
As you come into Stranraer you'll see a few signs pointing you in the way of Station Park, where Stranraer FC play, if you ever get the chance to see a game at Station Park I would advise you to take it. It's a cracking wee ground and one of the few in the country where you can still pish behind the terracing as opposed to actually going to the toilets. That might seem disgusting to you but to those who remember the good ol' days before all seater stadia it's a nostalgic trip down memory lane.
Stranraer has some other things to offer if you come in during the day. There's a museum and some old buildings if you're into your architecture but, to be honest, the best thing about Stranraer is the pubs.
The first, and I'd say best, pub in Stranraer is called "The Pub" It's got a bar in the corner with plenty of stools for a natter with the staff, a raised area to the back for big groups to sit together and a bunch of wee tables in the main part of the pub which look like they've had more the odd game of cribbage played on them.
The jukebox is one of those fancy digital ones with over 2,000,000 songs on it (so it claims) and, to be fair, it does have both Treatment 5 and Idle Will Kill by Osker on it (as well as all the Punk-O-Ramas). So no matter your poison it should be on there somewhere.
All the pubs in Stranraer are similairly priced. You'll struggle to get a pint under £2 but all spirits come in 35ml measures with great doubles promotions. It's £2.50 for any double with draught mixer in The Pub and that was par for the course. It's a very clean pub but still retains that spit and sawdust feel without having an old man piss himself in the corner. The toilets did seem to have a lot of flies but I'll forgive them for that.
The lovely bar maid at The Pub, Foxy, informed of us the next pub along the Street, The Royal, which was 50 yards along, the next pub after that, The Bridge Arms, was another 50 yards along. Infact, all the pubs were on the one street and spaced 50 yards apart. Amazing.
The Royal Hotel was another great pub. It had pool and darts and I had a game of each with my compadre when the table and board were free but when they weren't the players of both sports were, by far and away, the best I've ever seen in a pub. 180s and break and grannies were not uncommon in the hour or so we stayed there.
After all that driving and drinking, I had begun with a bottle of wine before we left Greenock, we were peckish so stopped in the chippy. I saw, what I thought, was a hamburger supper but it turned out to be something called a "Steak Burger Supper". Reformed steak meat, about twice the size of a hamburger, covered in batter, fried and with a mountain of chips and a pickled egg, which I choked on, for £2.95.
All that salt, however, made me thirsty. So a further 20 yards down the street to Bridge Arms. This seemed a bit of a local pub for local people but had SkySports on and I wanted to watch the game (It was Blackburn in the league cup) while I drank my beer. I got the feeling everyone in the pub was staring at me so I didn't stay for the rest of the game but went on to the last pub of the four we visited which, try as we might, had no visible name.
It had two doors. One said Public Bar. One said Lounge. The sign outside only said "Belhaven Best". I went in and got a Glayva and lager which seemed to set me up nicely. I watched the Panorama thing about bungs in football with the sound off and went for a pee. This was the best thing about this pub and I can't begin to tell you how excited I got going for a slash.
The door to the toilets takes you through to what can only be called a tunnel. It seriously looks like it has been scraped out of a mountain and then had the floor tiled. It's a wee walk into the toilets which have proper Yale locks on the doors. This stuff impressed me so much I took a photo. Which didn't come out properly. This was because I was drunk. Which is the same reason I got excited going to the toilet.
But it did have a bit of a "Wickerman" feel to it so we left for one final pint in The Pub. Foxy invited us back down on November 4th, as that's the next Saturday she's on, and I might go. Doubt it. But you never know.
As for accomodation I have no idea. I went home to my raging missus who refused point blank to believe anyone would ever go to Stranraer for no reason. After being there I see her point. It's a nice place but dull as ditchwater.
