Column: Has alternative culture killed romance?

I apologise in advance for my Carrie Bradshaw-esque endless rhetoric, but in a subculture where bisexuality, promiscuity, and open relationships are not unusual, where does it leave the soft-hearted young fools like me?

I'm sick of only consummating a relationship after fourteen pints of diesel, or lying alone between bouts of intercourse while the eager young man fucks off for a joint or a game on the Playstation, or worse, to write on the forum. I'm sick of chat-up lines like 'I'd cheat on my girlfriend for you' or 'It's five to three, if you were gonna pull someone better, you would have by now'. Have we always been cold, hard people, or do we just treat each other badly because that's the way we're always treated, just because we're different?

To look at, I'm hardly a beacon of alternative culture, but it's the only 'scene' if you will, where I've been able to feel comfortable. As an essentially weird person, I only ever felt I fit in surroundings where eccentricities are lauded as individualities, making you intellectual and attractive. But do I really want to appear attractive to a collective that invented PVC hot-pants? Back-piercings? And men that are 'alternative' simply because they're funny-looking and arrogant? The politics behind the punk movement were people fighting for their right to act like complete arseholes to one another. The music that I enjoy was an entirely seperate entity.

With an identity so misconstrued that many young people hide behind as an excuse to hate 'neds', 'jocks' or whatever localised popular scene they aren't part of, it's no real wonder that relationships within this particular subculture are so fucked up. As a scene so fundamentally political, do we find it difficult to relate on a human level?

Is it time, Alt nation, for us to spread our wings, join hands and look to the social horizon? Dance music isn't that bad. And maybe some of the guys in those clubs will buy me flowers.

[Rowsbette]

Cracking article, I only wished there was more of it.

You nail the truly sickening moments of realisation perfectly, but I don't think such a generally cold attitude towards relationships is limited only to the alternative scene. Human nature is human nature, and you find the people of which you speak all across the social spectrum.

[JennyPiccolo]

i just thought it was worth looking at it objectively.

[Elspeth]

I'm more disheartened now than I have been all weekend.

[Sgt Craig]

I don't have a cold attitude towards romance, i consider the feelings of the ones i love before my own, even if i somtimes forget to buy flowers or be romantically spontainious, i still feel i am.
Although i have seen my peers demonstrating the behavior described in the article. I feel this type of behaviour has little to do with music or fashion from any particular scene.

Perhaps i'm just not alternative enough to be a dick.

Good article by the way.

[Pete!]

Rubbish article.

'Article'? Guh.

[MarkMono]

Originally Posted by Sgt Craig

Although i have seen my peers demonstrating the behavior described in the article. I feel this type of behaviour has little to do with music or fashion from any particular scene.

Perhaps i'm just not alternative enough to be a dick.

Good article by the way.

Called on all points.

[JennyPiccolo]

*chokes* the point of it was to look at yourselves objectively, not just to outright deny things because you didn't like the sound of it.

It would be nice sometimes to be romanced with the whole flowers & chocolates thing, but surely as modern women we need to accept that works both ways?

It's a good point true enough though, and I completely agree with your point about joining the alternative set because it celebrates individuality - that's exactly how I feel too. I don't think the blame for the death of romance should solely be laid at the door of the alternative scene though

[Pete!]

Originally Posted by Vonnie

the alternative set because it celebrates individuality

Does it fuck, that's a myth. People are the same no matter what patches they have on their jeans. There are idiots and lesser-idiots in every thread of society.


Except admins.

[Kenny Everett]

Originally Posted by Pete!

Does it fuck, that's a myth. People are the same no matter what patches they have on their jeans. There are idiots and lesser-idiots in every thread of society.

Exactly.

I don't see the link between alternative culture and romance. The issues and irks described are in no way exclusive to any particular scene. An Article of "why cheese affects lamposts" would have made the same sense to me..

[poprock]

All fair comments, but I think Mhairi sidestepped the lot of 'em by posing the whole article as a question. She's asking whether you think it's the case, not saying that it is (which also validates all the responses... nice).

[cupotea]

Originally Posted by Vonnie

It would be nice sometimes to be romanced with the whole flowers & chocolates thing, but surely as modern women we need to accept that works both ways?

I agree - I buy Stewart flowers and chocolates all the time - then steal them back for myself

but seriously, i agree with vonnies point, in this day and age i dont expect to be exclusively romanced, i expect to do a bit of it myself. its nice to feel loved and wanted and im sure its the same for guys. I know stewart appreciated when i get him a wee unexpected something even if its just a can of bru or shitty FHM, the poor mans porn!

[JennyPiccolo]

thanks, ton-Y.

[Tigger]

I have to agree with you on this one. I have yet to meet an 'alternative' male with a romantic bone in his body. Or at least - not what you would traditionally think of as romantic. I'd like to think I'm a little old fashioned at heart so although a trip to see Star Wars and a pizza might be fun - it's not exactly sweeping me off my feet. I like little things - coming home to a hot bubble bath (rose petals an optional extra! ) - a wee note telling me they love me left somewhere - hell, I'd be happy if they would just come off the pc for a bit! I don't know if it's specifically down to the alternative culture though - I think it's just men these days.