Article: The Dating Game

Many a time have I found myself sneering at vapid chick-lit, or self-help books such as The Rules in bookstores: sorely tempted to purchase them in order to enable me to find out more about the Bridget-Jones-esque dating culture I so irrationally despise. Thoughts of such a book invading my bookshelves like a bad smell (possibly even rendering my wee collection of feminist literature null and void) always convinced me to refrain from wasting my money. However, when I saw a copy of Jo Hemmings’ The Dating Game (a £9.99 book) going for a mere ten pence in Bookworld on Sauchiehall Street today, I just couldn’t resist.

On a positive note, Jo Hemmings isn’t the “how to meet Mr Right and bully him up the aisle” lady I anticipated: her attitude is more “let’s have a laugh for the moment.” It’s still, in essence, a book for women wanting men to like them. As I said in another article, the problem with the flood of relationship self-help books floating about nowadays is that—no matter how hip or modern or feminist they appear to be—their very existence implies that women are the ones who need to adapt in order to make their relationships work. It helps little that the most recent men’s self-help books have titles like The Layguide: How to Seduce Women More Beautiful Than You Ever Dreamed and The System: How To Get Laid TODAY!, but that’s more amusing than infuriating.

I shan’t lie about having read the entire book: the repeated use of the word singleton is a constant irritant, and even a skim-read of a few chapters had me scurrying for a pen to rant away about how shallow this Sex and the City-inspired pseudo-feminism is. There were a couple of giggle-inducing moments (the “positive body language” list in the flirting section includes erect nipples: remind me to shove a few ice cubes down my bra next time I wanna tell someone I’m interested) and Jo Hemmings’ style is rather cute and quirky. It doesn’t change the nature of the book though. And to be honest, unless you’re socially inept, a lot of the “tips” are self-explanatory. Smiling at someone when you like them? Avoiding moaning at them? Surely not!

Perhaps my dislike of the dating scene stems from unconventional tastes. I like it when people wear silly shoes or tell crap jokes. I like it when someone I’ve just met feels comfortable enough to joke about what a fat muncher or bad dresser I am. Where’s the fun in glossing over your personality with a sheen of practised moves? Of course, you should be polite (as you should with the majority of new folk you meet) but I reckon acting naturally is a far more effective way of showing you like somebody than some of the suggested flirting techniques. (Rubbing a pen? Suave.)

My sole “proper first date” began with some awkward conversation, and continued with me sitting terrified in a cinema. Had the night ended there, it would’ve been a spectacular failure; as it happened, I ended up getting fairly drunk, and didn’t crawl home until lunchtime the next day. According to these so-called “dating rules,” that’s appalling first-date etiquette, and yet it gave birth to a not-unpleasant two-month relationship. Go figure.

Jo Hemmings claims: ”Men invented the phrase ‘one-night stand:’ the one-night stand fulfils a basic sexual need for men, and most can walk away unscathed. Do you know many women who go out on the pull for a night, see and approach a cutie, get him pissed, take him home, shag his brains out, and say goodbye in the morning without a second thought?” Er, yes, I do. Just as I know various males who dislike casual sex, and would much rather sleep with someone with whom they have an emotional connection.

And that, in my opinion, is where the real problem lies. Sure, men and women are different, but we’re all still people, with individual tastes and standards. The author follows that line of hers with the disclaimer: ”Yeah, I know, we’ve all watched “Ibiza Uncovered” or similar, but generally we’re after a little more than that.” That word “generally” always sticks in my throat. Lumping everyone in the world into two categories—each with horribly generalised behavioural patterns and a rigid code of etiquette to follow—only serves to belittle us all.

[Potatojunkie]

...the Bridget-Jones-esque dating culture I so irrationally despise.

You misspelled "rationally", dear.

[Foxglove]

Great article and something I have discussed with pretty much all my friends - both male and female. I detest the attitude that seems to be in so many of these books. A friend of mine gave me back some books I had lent her and inadvertently gave me The Rules (not mine, I have never felt the need to buy any of these books). I read a little of it and was appalled. I think it is The Rules that states, "never text a man back for at least 10 (or was ot 20) minutes after he texted you". WTF? Really?

It is true. Everyone is different - men and women. Why should a female ever feel like a failure or be criticised if she wants a one night stand or just a physical relationship. Damn, if some males want this, then they can only have it if their want for a short phusical thing is reciprocated by females in such a hetrosexual encounter (and this is true of any sexual encounter regardless of sexuality). If someone chooses to remain celebate, why should that ever be questioned? If someone wants to settle by 16 or sleep with hundreds of people and not want a relationship ever, then that should not be such a big deal as it sometimes appears to be. It is a personal choice after all.

As for dating, it does seem that there are highs and lows for everyone and maybe a lot more so than for other generations, but hell, I do not want to go back to an age of arranged marriages or an expectation that you are only a success in life if you meet and marry someone by a certain age. Personally speaking I would rather live through the lows and enjoy the highs rather than get in to a relationship because of an outside expectation or an arranged union as was par for the course in times now (thankfully), at least a greater extent, gone.

[Foxglove]

Originally Posted by Potatojunkie

You misspelled "rationally", dear.

who proof read this article before it was published then?

[lirazel]

Originally Posted by Rowsbette

Jo Hemmings claims: ”Men invented the phrase ‘one-night stand:’ the one-night stand fulfils a basic sexual need for men, and most can walk away unscathed. Do you know many women who go out on the pull for a night, see and approach a cutie, get him pissed, take him home, shag his brains out, and say goodbye in the morning without a second thought?” Er, yes, I do.

proper LOL there

[Potatojunkie]

Originally Posted by Foxglove

an outside expectation or an arranged union as was par for the course in times now (thankfully), at least a greater extent, gone.

If you live in a cave, maybe.

Forcing people into arranged marriages (or sending them abroad for the purpose) is being criminalised in the UK, mind. Legislation comes into force next year.

Originally Posted by Foxglove

proof read

*proofread




Also! This is great: Linky.

[Violet Grimm]

Originally Posted by Rowsbette

(the “positive body language” list in the flirting section includes erect nipples: remind me to shove a few ice cubes down my bra next time I wanna tell someone I’m interested

i tend to go for marbles.

[Connor O'Bain]

Originally Posted by Violet Grimm

i tend to go for marbles.

Same here!

but i always have to remember to take the bra off before i get lucky, cos that would just be too weird.

[Largest of Als]

Originally Posted by Connor O'Bain

but i always have to remember to take the bra off before i get lucky....

Like THAT'S ever gonna happen........




Anyway....dating sucks, I'm shit at it.....


Al

[nevali]

Dating's pish, as we all know. I don't think I've known anybody who actually does the 'dating' thing. People seem to just meet (as part of groups) and get together, or meet otherwise and get their shagging on, or some combination of the above

Good article

[Largest of Als]

Originally Posted by nevali

People seem to just meet (as part of groups) and get together, or meet otherwise and get their shagging on, or some combination of the above

Aye, stop dicking about playing games...if you fancy someone, just tell them and get on with the humping....


Al

[lirazel]

Originally Posted by Largest of Als

Like THAT'S ever gonna happen........

what, that he'd remember to take the bra off?

[Potatojunkie]

The whole 'dating scene' thing brings me out in a rash. I always refuse to believe that people could be so horribly fucked up, and they always surprise me. All these books do is ensure that you'll never form a relationship with anyone with more than half a brain, unless you keep them the fuck away from your house, or go to great lengths to conceal your bookshelves.

[Connor O'Bain]

Originally Posted by Largest of Als

Anyway....dating sucks, I'm shit at it.....


Al

ah, so thats why you have the vast amounts of rohypnol...

[Largest of Als]

Originally Posted by Potatojunkie

All these books do is ensure that you'll never form a relationship with anyone with more than half a brain, unless you keep them the fuck away from your house, or go to great lengths to conceal your bookshelves.

I have to say, my years of research has proved this to be true......


Al