Relationships...

Well I have never made a serious blog in my life. I've used this to enter some lyrics I like. Well now I've got a bit on my mind I feel I want to get it down in writing somewhere. So yeah relationships...

I split up with a long term girlfriend in March this year. It was amicable to be fair and although we came to a mutual decision I could see how unhappy she was. It was difficult to let go but I knew it was best for both of us.

So ensued a couple months of feeling fairly down in the dumps, being in a relatively strange place, living in a half empty flat that I was used to sharing with someone. However I'm not writing this to re-visit that period.

As you do in a situation such as the above, you get to wondering what the deal with relationships is and with l-o-v-e for that matter. Anyway, I decided I was single now and gonna make the most of it.

After I moved house, into a shared accomodation with other (fairly) young professional types I went on a few wild nights out and got to kissing a few random ladies (some of which I am NOT proud of! ). This was fine for a while, then I met a girl, friend of a housemate, who really liked me....

-Relationship 1-

She was pretty, quite smart (Physics Teacher) and had a reasonable sense of humour. Down sides I guess was a slightly grating south London accent and a terrible taste in music and films. So what though, can't get 100% all of the time can you?

So I saw this girl for about 2 months... after which I realised she was getting rather full on and I was feeling, well numb toward her. This wasn't a good situation and although I'd have happily kept it going as it was that wouldn't have been fair to her. It was broken off, she wasn't happy. So I got a fair bit of abuse however luckily I wasn't likely to bump into her in the future...

-Relationship 2-

Back in Scotland in early August, at a uni mates wedding I meet a girl I went to Uni with and hadn't seen for some time. She looked...fit, very fit! Anyway, I wasn't flirting but we were getting on really well and shared a taxi after the wedding as we both were going west endward. She asked me up to her for a drink...

I then saw her quite a few times and had a great time with her. Trouble was we both knew she was moving to Australia to work for PWC at the end of September. Now did this change the way either of us viewed the relationship? Did either of us feel like we could relax and just have a good time as there was such a definite time frame? For my part I don't know, if I felt like that it was subconscious.

However, I really liked this girl and I think it might have gone somewhere given the chance... yet I was getting worried that I was having that same slightly numb feeling towards her. Like I was just going through the motions of finding a "partner" even though she's a great girl...is this someone I could actually love??

Well she's in Oz now, she wrote me a letter the day she left and with it enclosed several pictures from stuff we did and nights we had in the 7 weeks we spent together. Gotta admit, that plucked at the heart strings a bit. In the letter she mentioned something I had said to her about needing to see where fate leads us next. I did mean that to an extent...but if I really felt that strong, would I not drop everything and move to Oz as well...I could get a decent job I reckon, I'm not too old, it wouldn't be forever...nah I can't.

-Relationship 3 ?-

Now more at ease with myself, over the self esteem issues I headed out the other week with renewed confidence. Saw a pretty girl in a bar and went to speak to her. To my suprise, she was very receptive. She asked for my number and the next morning sent me a message asking to meet me the following weekend. That was last Saturday night and it went very well, she is hot, possibly the hottest girl I've ever been out with. She is also rather cool, likes decent music. She's a social worker, which doesn't sit well with me...it's perhaps bad but she has to get invloved with some really hairy issues and it's the kind of work thats hard to leave in the office...so to speak. She is also 29, 4 years my senior... I'd never had guessed it, she looks about 23.

Anyway, she spent the night and we went for breakfast on Sunday. She has called me and wants to meet again but is worried that I don't. I'm not sure why, but now I'm asking myself "Actually do I?" I mean all signs point to HELL YES...but what if in 2 months time I get the 'numb' feeling again and decide to break it off...upset her, waste her time (and she's nearly 30, fragile time for anyone, especially a woman no?)


Well that's it, that is where I am right now. My heads full of cliches, what is love, what do I want, is there a perfect girl out there I should wait for or should I try harder to break through the cold numbness and love someone who isn't perfect.

I'm probably going to regret writing this but I actually feel like it's been quite theraputic. I should do one about work as well, that'd be a whole other rant... On that note, I'm already going to be paying for it tomorrow for staying up after eleven! I've got that twitchy nerve in the eye thing again this week HATE that and I think it's related to lack of sleep

Signing off....

Nanoo nanoo (or whatever your meant to fucking say)