I'm losing my words

Damn it damn it damn it!!!!!!!! How did this happen??? I used to be full to the brim of words. They used to skite about my head, squiggling up my brain, so I had to, almost constantly, write to get them out and stop them from making me crazy! How did I fail to notice they were leaving me??

I suppose I noticed I wasn't as eloquent as I used to be - neither in spoken or written word - but I genuinely thought it was just me being silly/tired/having a long day.

Last night I spend 20 minutes trying to think of another word for 'environment' and that's when it hit me. All those lovely words I stored up during my avid reading days, my hours and hours spend in various libraries, the days I lost discussing Uni work ...

all the words that sounded so good when I said them out loud that I used to whisper them under my breath just to feel the thrill of it run across my brain ...

all the words, with their own definitive characteristics and quirks, that I savoured the way some people savour chocolate ...

Gone.

Blame it on lack of use, on mind-numbing, brain destroying jobs, on the sheer weight of apathy that makes me go home and sit infront of the t.v. instead of engaging my brain with the written word - it doesn't matter the cause. Just the effect.

I am being abandoned. Words are slipping out of my rotting-ship brain, sliding off into the gloom, in search of someone who might put them to use instead of throwing a mouldy cover over the dust-heavy box they've been relegated to. I am disgusted with myself for not noticing sooner, for not stopping it happening!

My words are abandoning me. I don't like it.