History of Music

Flicking through the contents of my mp3 player, I notice the number of "complete discographies" I have on there, more specifically of artists that were around many years before I was even born, that are still somewhat active in 2008... complete works of Aerosmith, Cheap Trick, even pretty much everything Alice Cooper has ever recorded, and he's going way back to the 60's.

It strikes me that I have people's entire lifetimes here... how much have these people lived between their debuts and their modern day releases? My parents were teenagers when some of this was recorded. I was born, raised, grew up while these records were being made. Even more mindbending is thinking how the world, more specifically technology, has evolved since then. These guys were around before even cassette tapes boomed. Now I've got everything they've ever done on a little machine a couple of square inches large that would disappear in the palm of my hand.

So anyway, while these random thoughts are floating around my head, I happen upon something a little more recent, my complete Soundgarden discography, and start listening to some of their older stuff. I'm suddenly reminded, after many, many years of it not crossing my mind even once, that there's a specific reason I got into the "alternative" music scene back in my teens. It's not because everyone else was doing it, not where I came from. No, it was in fact, and quite predictably, because of a girl, who gave me a gift.

*cue Homer flashback voice* It was the early 1990's. Rave/techno/dance/being a fucking ned was the in-thing at my high school back then, though some were swayed by the then-hugely popular grunge scene. I was neither, really. Until this girl gave me a tape, with the Soundgarden album "Louder Than Love" on one side, and "Badmotorfinger" on the other. She said I might like it. By fuck, I did. I played that tape until it was dead. Then I played it some more. Keep in mind, at the time I hated grunge. Bunch of bandwagon jumpers idolising a bunch of greetin' faced bastards crying over spilt milk. At the time, I preferred high-energy guitars, a bit of rock 'n' roll, I'd rather sing and SHOUT AT THE DEVIL and all that shit (to this day I still kinda feel like that, sometimes). This one tape from one girl changed all that. I have so much grunge and alternative music in my collection now, much of which I absolutely love. I started seeing the world a little differently the day that particular girl gave me that particular tape. If anything, it was a catalyst for my somewhat eclectic taste in rock music, and the somewhat alternative lifestyle I've lived since then.

I liked this girl, she was both very attractive, and a fuckload more interesting than anyone else in my high school who wasn't Meech, but I never did anything about it, never said anything about it to anyone, I never thought it was particularly important at the time. It's funny how now, in 2008, when I'm a happy married grown up with a new baby on the way that I can't wait to welcome to the world, that it suddenly strikes me that I actually regret never having given it a shot. Maybe I would have been shot down in flames. I was a bit of an oddball character back then, still am now I guess, I've always considered myself to be a likable fellow, but to my detriment for far too many times in my life I've somehow ended up been better at just being a good friend... don't you hate it when that happens? Story of my fucking life, it was still happening right to the very day I left Scotland to come to Canada. Anyway, I'd probably have been rejected.

Or maybe... maybe something else would have happened. Just maybe. It would sure be interesting to know, as impossible jumping back may be (damn lack of Quantum Leap accelerator).

Did I say regret? That's maybe a bit strong. Some passing thoughts that I'll have completely forgotten in a few hours. I couldn't imagine my life turning out any other way, and I couldn't imagine being anywhere else than I am now. It's just a passing "what if?" kind of moment. A morbid curiosity. It's interesting to me to realise exactly how much people you pass by on life's road that may seem quite irrelevant, that may even be on your path for such an insignificant amount of time, can make such a gigantic impression on your life. I've got a lot to thank this girl for, because my taste in music has over the years in many ways directly affected my lifestyle, the way I've seen the world. The things I've seen and done, all because a pretty girl gave me a C90 tape. Ironically, she probably wouldn't even remember having given it to me.

Besides, I have no idea where this girl is now. We went our seperate ways pretty quickly. I vaguely remember going from being a nice guy to being a bit of a prick before she left school.

I may have developed a taste for alternative music... but in early 1994, Kurt Cobain shot himself. Certain people I knew were inconsolable, this girl included. At the time, I thought it was fucking hilarious, and took every chance I got to twist the knife in front of people who were getting so upset over what I seen as a talentless hack. What's funny about that is that I actually ended up having a bit of a passion for Nirvana, some time afterwards, still do.

My last memory vivid enough to remember is of having an argument about the Almighty, who had at the time just released their Crank album. I thought it was hot shit. She said they sucked, they were just a Metallica rip-off. This infuriated me, with the whole "I don't like it because it's famous" routine. Ironically, I realise after these years that she was somewhat correct. It was actually Ricky Warwick who was the talentless hack. Hangs on the coat-tails of everything, that fucker. I hear he's back doing it again. Anyway, I don't remember anything else after that.

As I say, I have no idea where she is now. I think she left high school a year or two before I did, and by that point it didn't matter anyway, I had already embarked on my eight-year long on-again-off-again waste of time rollercoaster ride of a relationship with Fuckwit (who, by the way, looked very similar to the girl this journal entry is about, but that's either a massive co-incidence, or something that's been tucked away in the dark corners of my subconscience all these years, because I didn't think about it at the time). Never saw her again after high school, and I'm never quite sure why our paths never crossed, not even once, considering how small the alternative community in Glasgow is. Never once seen her in the Cathouse in all the years I lived in frequented the place, even though she talked about the place all the time, being a regular there long before I had ever stepped foot in the place. Not once has she turned up as any connection in any circle of friends I've had, and I've passed through quite a few circles in my years. Never seen her on the internet, either... not on Friends Reunited, or Bebo, or even Alternative Nation.

I don't want to know where she is, really. It's not important. Just some passing thoughts. Nothing more than a story to point out how such large influences can come from the most unexpected places. I may have shared this story with Posh or someone like that, now that I think about it, so maybe the thought has crossed my mind before, sounds like the kind of shit I'd talk to Posh about... or maybe it's just deja-vu. Whatever. A story I felt like writing down nonetheless.

Hey, this is funny. I didn't notice it before, but that tape, with the Soundgarden "Louder Than Love" album, it contains the song "Big Dumb Sex". Haha. Profound, maybe?

This completely random outburst of pointless and no doubt quite incoherent rambling has been brought to you by the Easter bunny. Happy Easter!