God as a surfer dude

Okay, I\'m behind, I\'m slack, and I\'m late. But [i]this[/i] is a journal posting worth responding to, even if it should have been done long ago.

It was a beautiful thing to write, and so goddamned honest that nobody can ever take it away from ya. You knew that, I just wanted to confirm it.

I had a similar revelation in the Summer of \'95. Unfortunately, the lady in question left me for another. Really puts a big fucking hole in your world when that happens.

I got over it by switching my brain off for a year. Well, I say got over it, I mean completely failed to get over it, but had to do something to pretend. I went off the rails a bit, not with drink, not with drugs, not with any of the usual vices. Just with girls. I overdid enjoyment of the female form. Everyone who knew me genuinely believed that I had to be the luckiest and happiest guy they knew, because I was with a different girl every night. What they didn\'t know was that every morning I was crossing another one off my imaginary list \'Nope, she didn\'t match up to her either\'.

Eventually I moved on, but it took a fucking long time.

Heh... thanks for the optimistic outlook, Tony.

Hey, all I can say is, I hear ya. Your \'Summer of \'95\' story is all too familiar, I\'m sure to most people at some point in their lives. I was seriously messed up at one point a couple of years ago because of someone I wasted years of my life with (very long story), who one day just decided she liked someone else she met one night better... ironically, looking back, I\'ve realised I don\'t even like her. We don\'t ever refer to her by her real name now, we call her \'Fuckwit\'. But that\'s not the point... I was left pretty damn scarred by the whole experience, for the longest time... I got really cyncial about the whole \'falling in love\' thing, and much like you\'re saying you did but with an extra dose of \'nasty\', I treated a couple of people really badly because of it, believe it or not Janette included.

Janette, however, was the only person who was able to get me to snap out of it. She put a serious amount of effort into getting me to understand, she is not Fuckwit. Don\'t get me wrong, every single day I still find myself facing up to the fear of it happening again... anxiety is in my nature though, and you\'d better believe she got the message through to me (as you might have noticed from some of these journal entries, heh). She\'s pretty damn fantastic when it comes to things like this, you\'ve got to have a whole load of patience with me when it comes to my crappier moments, and she seems to have bucketloads.

Basically, I never thought I\'d be able to feel the way I do, to be able to express my feelings like this journal entry ever again... but now I can. Hey... of course the worst could happen again. But right now, the best is happening... so I\'m going to damn well enjoy it! Can\'t miss out on all the good stuff because bad stuff once happened, can I?

I\'m sure you know what I\'m talking about.

There\'s quite a bit more to this journal entry than meets the eye, by the way... but that\'s a story for another day!

Ah, screw optimism. Optimisim is my default setting - sometimes I need to switch over to the other channel and take a hit of regret.

I\'m not the dairy-keeping type, so I have a tendency to indulge my typing whim whenever someone else sets my mind racing. Thanks for not minding.

I\'m with you all the way on the \'I ain\'t going to let the old bad moments stop me from experiencing this goodness\', to paraphrase.

Just one thing: See that last line of your reply? [i]Worst[/i] dose of deja-fuckin\'-vu I ever did have. Very odd indeed.