I can't think of a clever title today.

Whoah... I feel pretty weird today. Like me, but not like me at all... it's been a weird 24 hours, I think... this is all new to me...

So I proposed yesterday, and I got a yes. Seemed like the thing to do... and I got the answer I wanted... and I'm deleriously happy, completely stunned, and utterly shitting myself. Is this normal?

The next few months is gonna be hard work... this is what I want to do (obviously, or I wouldn't have proposed), and this is what she wants to do, which is really all that matters, but it's gonna be hard work.

Janette has a 3-year old son, Andrew. He's still over in Canada right now... he's staying there with Janette's mum until she's finished her year at Uni, which will be sometime in June. Of course, I've known this since the very beginning... even met the wee man a few months ago, I had him sitting playing my guitar (well, as much as a 3-year old kid can play guitar), he's cool. This one slightly major fact doesn't change how I feel, or have any influence over my proposal either way, but it does scare the life out of me for one reason... I have never in my life been responsible for anyone or anything but myself.

My adult life so far has been much like my teenage life. Going out drinking with friends to gigs or clubs, playing videogames till 3am, spending my money on whatever crap I fancied getting for myself, working for no reason other than to have some pocket money for the month ahead. I don't own my own house, I left my parents and basically bummed about with friends with the intention of sorting a place of my own eventually. I've so far been committed to absolutely nothing but me. Now, I'm going to be responsible for a wife and a child. Bit of a jump, no? As I said, I've always known this... but now it's becoming a reality, I'm absolutely terrified. If I fucked up before, no big deal... all I was letting down was myself. If I fuck up now... well, I've got a lot to learn in the next few months...

At least, on the other side of the coin, I won't be doing it alone. And that's what makes everything I wrote in that paragraph there null and void... being one half of something special, that's way better than being one whole of something pointless...

Anyway, enough of that... I could write about what scares me here all day (that's just one of many things), but at the end of the day we're both very happy, and fingers crossed we'll stay like that for a looooooooong time to come...

The only people that know so far are Cuff & Joanne (of course), who I'm sure thought they'd be doing this marriage thing first... if I was them I'd probably be saying we're crazy, but they're both very happy for us... that means a lot to me, they've always looked after me when I needed them most, so I'm glad they approve. Janette's friend Laura and her boyfriend know, too... as far as I can tell they're amazed... so far so good. (Oh yeah... and anyone reading this knows, duh). Of course, I'm going to have to tell Meech soon... looking back at any other entry in this journal, I think we're gonna have a problem with that one... I want him to know, but I can't be bothered with the hassle from him... I guess it'd be worse if he was the last person to know...

Ho hum.

Normal stuff?

We both went to Cuff & Joannes for dinner last night. It was fun... good dinner, really odd music (dinner music was the soundtrack to Vampiros Lesbos), and afterwards we carved pumpkins for their halloween party tonight (according to Janette, this is very popular back in Canada, though me/Cuff/Joanne had never done it before). That was a bit of a laugh... I carved one to look like the Wildhearts smileybones logo, Cuff did one inspired by the pumpkin design from Helloween album covers... they were really cool considering we'd never done it before... then we threw back a few more drinks and sat and watched some dodgy Halloween movie... then went home to mine about 1am (private cab was only 8 quid from Anniesland to Paisley... excellent). And that was my night...

I'm totally knackered today. Apart from getting to bed quite late and having to get up this morning, my gum problems kinda got bad again and kept me awake most of the night. Just to be annoying, it's not painful now... damnit. I really needed sleep too... since I hardly got any sleep the night before either, I'm really fucked. Tonight we're going to see Mangara play at Fury Murrys, then we're off back to Cuff & Joannes for their halloween party... it's gonna be a tough night, I'm so tired, but of course I'd make the effort anyway... I'm going as Joey Ramone. Which is kinda easy for me, since I mostly dress like him anyway...

Hmm... I have shitloads of work to do before 5pm. I mean shitloads... haven't done a thing today. I really should sort out my career... I have responsibilities now...

Oh, alright... I'm going for a fag first.