Fiction: TUROK - Legend

Ness · 10th June 2005, 8:31pm

[image=left]http://www.alternativenation.net/gallery/files/1/turokface.jpg[/image]"Left battalion to reinforce the West Front, now!"

"Yes sir!"

The knowledge that the order consigned hundreds of men to their deaths did not dissuade Syx from issuing it as she strode over the battlements, checking where the line was weakest. She knew that to hold the front against her enemy, people had to fight, people had to die. Actually, she rather enjoyed the thought: death was alluring at the best of times. So enticing, the thought of the never-ending darkness of death.

Knowing and not caring, mutually exclusive concepts to most, were one and the same for her. No wonder people dubbed her "anti-hero". Ironic, she thought. They call her this, but their survival depends on her. Fools.

Heading back to the command tent, she parted the entrance to see all her misogynist bastard generals. She wished she could cut the head from every last one of them right now, but the truth of it was she needed them.

"Report, Bod."

"Heavy casualties on both the Eastern and Western fronts, but the line is holding. Two more days and we'll have the reinforcements promised. If we can but hold out to then, we will be fine."

"Do not bet on what you do not have in your hand, Bod." Ah, the ever-so-smooth Commander Kalam, Kal for short, believing he was above everyone. Cutting his head off would give her the most pleasure; she shuddered at the thought of it. Even though what he said was right.

"He is correct, Bod, we should not be hoping on chances, what are we to do if the reinforcements are late? No, we shall prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
"Kalam, I want you to oversee Eastern walls two and three. I suggest two lines; polearms and pikes at the rear, glaives in front, with shields."

"Good choice, woman." he said smirking. The bastard.

They had been fighting the self-styled Zuma King, a lowly warlord, who had managed to amass a large force and had subsequently used it to strike at some major cities. This was a serious dent in Syx's plan, as she hadn't accounted for it. Her boss would not be pleased. He called himself the Zuma King because he wore the head of a fallen ZumaTaurus as a helm. What a fool he was-if you didn't own a ZumaTaurus skull, you weren't anyone in TUROK.

"Okay, Bod, get to the South wall; we'll need you in case they try to breach the walls there. I know they are simple heathens, but the Zuma King has a semblance of intelligence."

"Would my skills not be better used somewhere that there is actual fighting going on?! There are lesser generals in this tent than I: they should handle this, not me!"

Smirking, Syx replied "Ah but Bod, this is where I am ordering you to go. Remember the council deemed ME your commander in this, so get out there NOW!"

Bod cursed under his breath, and had barely begun to rise before Syx appeared in front of him, without seeming to cross the intervening distance. In a flash her dirk was raised and poised underneath his chin.

"Would you care to repeat that statement, Bod? Let everyone else hear what you were muttering?"

Spluttering like a fool, with saliva dripping from his clenched jaw, Bod forced his head back as far as he was able, trying to prevent his throat from being slashed open and the blood covering anything and everything in a three foot radius.

"Nothin' Syx, I didn't say nothin'!"

"Just as I thought. Now do as I ordered."

As Bod made his exit, he heard the meeting behind him being adjourned as Syx said:

"Right everyone, stick to your original assignments, don't fall, stand strong and we WILL survive this day. Make your Guild proud of you, make the gods smile down on you, and in a week you will see your families again!"

"Stupid wench" thought Bod. He knew he would have his revenge on the council. He had high connections, albeit due to his close friendship with DigitalScars. Everyone knew he was dead now, but that still didn't make him less of a hero to the peoples of TUROK, and everyone knew that Bod was the one who started him on his whirlwind of life. At times he felt guilty; because he was only a child when apprenticed to him, he was the one who led him to the life of death and destruction. He knew it was futile to think these thoughts. Digi was the chosen one. He knew this: everyone questioned it, but he knew it. If it weren't for him then everyone would be dead.

That being as it is, for now he had to focus. Peoples' lives rested on his decisions. Approaching his troops, he called Suin'emar, his captain, over, and what a beast of a man he was. The epitome of 'barbaric warrior' if there ever was one, but barbaric with a mind, and a mace to match. "Suin, we are moving to the Southern wall. Syx's orders, so no arguments. Gather the men and march them there. It is our turn to wait."

"Yes sir!"

Sgt Craig · 11th June 2005, 1:21am

good effort squire, never knew you were a feminest

Ness · 11th June 2005, 1:17pm

feminist? shes a biatch! :P

trying to make her be a complete cow.

Ness · 13th June 2005, 12:45am

i dont think alot of people know know this is part 2
im confusedas their is no cirtism as i would like

*Potatojunkie* · 13th June 2005, 6:50am

You had "Chapter 2" in the title and then "Chapter 1" in the body of the thing. I left "Chapter 1" in because the first part was the prologue. I'm sure people will ge the idea with chapter 2.

*Potatojunkie* · 14th June 2005, 7:04am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ness

i dont think alot of people know know this is part 2
im confusedas their is no cirtism as i would like

Well, think about what actually happens, plotwise:

1) There is a bit of an argument.

2) Um.

It's all character interaction and scene setting. The kind of thing you really need if you're writing, say, 40,000 words. In short fiction format, though—even if it is serialised—I'm not sure stuff like this really works. Serialisation isn't just about breaking up a larger narrative—you need to be able to write episodically[1]. Each part needs to be more of a wee mini-story in its own right.

The prologue worked like that. This one appears to be more about setting up the next couple.

[1]It's different when large, pre-existing stories are serialised, but the ones that do tend to be suited to the format anyway.

Kenny · 14th June 2005, 10:18am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ness

i dont think alot of people know know this is part 2
im confusedas their is no cirtism as i would like

Nice edit job, Stuart.

*Potatojunkie* · 14th June 2005, 10:25am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenny

Nice edit job, Stuart.

One of these days this machine will let me rep you again, and then I will, and it'll be a huge disappointment.

Ness · 14th June 2005, 11:45am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenny

Nice edit job, Stuart.

in my own defense i was pissed on absynthe when i typed that up.

however, stuart did a superb job. much appreciated.

i see your point, as this was more of a story filler, im thinkin now i should have put something exciting in. just to spice it up.

-Anti-Hero- · 27th October 2005, 4:35am

Your getting awfy talented on paper hen. Id never have thought youd still be writing that. Its actually amazin. And im the star! You better not kill me off. I rekon you got the attitude almost right.. but the banter. Get that sorted. Slide a few more "fuckin rubbish" comments in there n it will be more persuasive.

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