Anyone that played or read a lot about 40K will understand these jokes. Some are rip offs of other "generic" jokes but some are actually very funny....
There are absolutely shitloads more here
Warhammer 40K Humour. Far too many to just copy and paste so just fired a few up here and browse away at your leisure. It is a huuuuuuge amount of txt to read through tho........
Q: how many AM tech magi does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: three, one to hold the ladder, one to change the bulb, and one to swing the incense.
An inquisitor walks into a bar.
++POST TERMINATED BY AUTHORITY OF THE INQUISITION++
What's the difference between 10 dead guardsmen and a Leman Russ?
I don't have a Leman Russ in my garage...
How do you get mashed guardsman out of a bowl?
With chips...
How many guarsdmen does it take to paint a Leman Russ?
It depends on how hard you throw them...
How do you make a dead guardsman float?
With two scoops of ice cream
How many dead guardsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It depends on how much metal you stuck through them.
A Slaneesh demonnette (sp?) was found, half dead, by a platoon of imperial guard, who screamed "foul abomination" and walked along by....
Next, a sister of battle came past, screamed "foul abomination", cast some protective runes on herself, and walked along by......
Next, a space marine came past, put a bullet in it's leg, and left it there to die a sorrowful death....
Next, an ancient and wise Eldar came along....
5 minutes later, he walked out of the bush, muttering under his breath "they don't make them like they used to......"
"All the armies and races in Warhammer 40k can be summed up similar to that of a playground.
The Space Marines: The eight foot tall grade 6 bullies who found some shotguns and some Steroids. They resent drugs in every way… But sometimes are pressured into doing them.
The Imperial Guard: The Grade one kids with pointy sticks… Usually call on the help of their friends the Grade 6's when someone bugs them…
Sisters of battle: The creepy grade 5 Goth chicks who nobody really cares about although every one of them carries a hand gun.
The Tyranid: The freaky little kinder gardener's who run around biting people
The Eldar: The old bullies who are currently in grade 8 got addicted to drugs and went out of it for a while then went to karate for 3 weeks to become the bully again then got shot by the Grade 1's, 5,s and 6's. They now play in the sandbox.
The Dark Eldar: The grade 8's who never went to karate or got off drugs.
The Orks: The special needs grade 10 who gets beaten up by everyone when he comes along but always comes back for more.
The Tau: The 4 foot tall grade 4 who walked up to the Grade 1's and asked "Do you wanna be friends?" And the Grade ones called their friends over and they all shot the little kids leg off and booted him into the sand box were the kinder gardener's came along and started biting on his other leg before the Drug dealers finally got him.
Chaos: The Grade 6 Drug dealers.
Necron: The Crazy Goth-nerd-jocks who came along and now have bully rivalries with the Grade 6's.
Daemonhunters: The Tattle tail's who work directly under the principal telling him whenever anyone does something wrong... No particular set grade.
The Emporer: The Crazy principal who came to school on a bad day with a hummer who tells all the obediant children what to do."
