Things you're sick of hearing at work.

[MarkMono]

I generally hear:

Can you work through lunch?

In close proximity to:

Can you take messages for me, I'm going out for a long lunch.

[JohnBoy]

In tesco
"we should have gone to ASDA"
"do i have to go to asda?"
"its cheaper in asda"
"asda have it"
"can you match asda's price?"
"they do that in asda"
"where is your vodka/beer?" - in the asile you just walked past
"why dont you sell *insert obscure drink or buckfast* ?"
"do you sell magners?" - yes but cos everyone in the world wants magners we are sold out
"do you sell big bottles of magners/cans of magners?"

[Al K]

Originally Posted by SOLIDBOB

"What can i get for... (this handful of coppers)?"

Hendo, aye?!

Originally Posted by SOLIDBOB

And get a fucking haircut!

Ah wait, it can't be....

[SOLIDBOB]

Originally Posted by Al K

Hendo, aye?!

Ah wait, it can't be....

ah, you missed young hendo getting tombstoned on hope st on sunday night. I also speared him into a wall. He felt very little. (apparently)

[LesMTS]

TESCO

Every second customer:

Me: Can I have your account number please?
Customer: What? All of it?
Me: Yes please. (thinking: what the fuck do they think I want? The 3rd, 7th, 14th and last digits?? An arbitrary selection??? Here, why don't you just make a number up? That'll probably work.)
Customer: It's a long number!
Me: (fantasising) I FUCKING KNOW HOW LONG IT IS!!

If you've never worked with the public you probably won't understand how half the things on this thread can be annoying but, seriously, after the 5th or 6th customer in an hour asking you the same dumb question you really start to lose it.


THE LAB

Colleague/Boss Me: "It hasn't worked."

or

Some protocol: "Remove aqueous supernatant, transfer to new eppendorf."

[fallen_nemesis]

things I hear every fecking week in the taxi rank of doom

- Punter "How long is it going to be"
Me " I have a car free in that area at the moment, so it's on it's way"
Punter Aye, but how long is it going to be
Me a few minutes
Punter Aye, but how long?
Me under five minutes
Punter Could you not have said that?

I seriously have to fight the urge not to answer "about 14 fucking feet" everytime I'm asked how long is it going to be

That and the other utterly rediculous one from Sunday night

Punter Can I pay for it by credit card ?

^^ seriously what the utter fuck?!

Only in Bearsden and Milngavie I tell you

[Zero]

They both seem like pretty reasonable questions to me.

[darth_haggis]

Originally Posted by fallen_nemesis

things I hear every fecking week in the taxi rank of doom

- Punter "How long is it going to be"
Me " I have a car free in that area at the moment, so it's on it's way"
Punter Aye, but how long is it going to be
Me a few minutes
Punter Aye, but how long?
Me under five minutes
Punter Could you not have said that?

I seriously have to fight the urge not to answer "about 14 fucking feet" everytime I'm asked how long is it going to be

Only in Bearsden and Milngavie I tell you

Sometimes the city centre.

[fallen_nemesis]

want to swap jobs? << @ Zerosignal

oh. I forgot one.

Me What's your name?
Punter It's going to Faifley
Me Yes, but what's your name
Punter I've already told you it's going to Faifley. I can't hear you . Speak up!!
Me I'm sorry you're going to have to leave the club or go somewhere quieter - I can't hear you for the noise in the background

Punter hangs up and then screams down the phone an hour or so later various obcenities at us about where we can stick our car because they wouldn't give us all the info and hung up before we could book it

You also get

Punter - But I'm 8 months pregnant, I'm female and standing alone. Can't you make the car come any quicker?
Me I can try, but I don't have a free car to send, I'm afraid I have more jobs than cars. Realistically you're looking about half an hour
Punter - I think that's fucking shocking. I want to talk to your manager. I'm getting you fired


^^^ I'm sorry. Don't get fucking up the duff and go to nightclubs with mates who abandon you at 4am in the morning then! It's not my problem you didn't book a taxi and think it's ok to swear at me as a result

[lirazel]

"i know it says 'sold out', but are there any tickets left?"

[Exit_W0unds]

"I want a fourteen piece bucket with only breast meat"
-I can't do that I'm afraid. I can give you eight.
"why not fourteen"
-because there are four trays of eighteen pieces cooked at the moment. Each tray has two breast, so I can only give you what's there.
"Then cook more breast"
-I'm sorry, but it doesn't work like tha......
"I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!"

piss off already

[LesMTS]

Originally Posted by lirazel

"i know it says 'sold out', but are there any tickets left?"

Oh fuck, I get a similar one....

Customer: I'm trying to book my home shopping order online for (insert date) at (insert time) and it says that all deliveries are booked up in that slot.
Me: Uh-huh..?...?
Customer: Well, that's the only time I can take delivery.

[Zero]

Originally Posted by fallen_nemesis

want to swap jobs? << @ Zerosignal

Ha, no thanks, but many taxi companies are notorious for this. They'll claim a cab is 'in the area' or 'just around the corner' or 'on it's way' just to stop you calling another company, and despite all their fancy GPS tracking will never give an honest estimate.

As for accepting credit cards... very common in some countries, the drivers have handheld readers with them.

[fallen_nemesis]

Originally Posted by ZeroSignal

Ha, no thanks, but many taxi companies are notorious for this. They'll claim a cab is 'in the area' or 'just around the corner' or 'on it's way' just to stop you calling another company, and despite all their fancy GPS tracking will never give an honest estimate.

As for accepting credit cards... very common in some countries, the drivers have handheld readers with them.

for a 2 quid hire though?!!!

And nah, we're generally pretty honest about it. We normally tell punters, it's going to be an hour at least or give them another number. It saves on grief later

[Al K]

Originally Posted by SOLIDBOB

ah, you missed young hendo getting tombstoned on hope st on sunday night. I also speared him into a wall. He felt very little. (apparently)

Damn. I wouldn't have minded seeing that! Hehe!
That'll teach me for leaving too early!