Good first dates. - Page 5

MarkMono · 13th April 2008, 9:04pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by jondejonjon

I'm not saying that I'm socially adept, or smart. I think that surely it'd be worse to force them into a one-on-one situation of any kind if they're not comfortable talking to each other. I understand that it's none of my business, and don't know the people involved, but if they're so awkward around each other then surely the best thing to do would be to ensure that they go out as part of a group (to remove the pressure of actually going out on a date), adding alcohol, and seeing if their self-consciousness is lowered enough so that things work out? If they can't hold a conversation, then is it literally just physical attraction that is causing this whole idea of getting the two of them to hook up?

Sometimes people are shy because they like the other person. This is what dates are for, to gently ease themselves into each other company and find out if they have enough in common to form the fundament of a continuing relationship.

I think dates are horrible, but I'm both self-confident and crazy.

fallen_nemesis · 13th April 2008, 9:07pm

cocktail bar ftw. Nothing like some booze to loosen up nervous folk.

Glasgow international art festival is running from the 11th to the 23rd or 27th of this month. Could be interesting, as could something random like a skill or hobby they've both never done like going to Glasgow climbing centre or xscape.

jondejonjon · 13th April 2008, 9:08pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkMono

Sometimes people are shy because they like the other person. This is what dates are for, to gently ease themselves into each other company and find out if they have enough in common to form the fundament of a continuing relationship.

I think dates are horrible, but I'm both self-confident and crazy.

A good point, well made, but is that not more applicable in a situation where the people haven't spent a lot of time together prior to the first date? The first post in the thread makes it sound like they've been circling each other for a while, rather than only met once or twice? Again, my ignorance as to the specifics of the situation means that I could be talking complete shite, but I just think that if dinner is not an option because they can't talk to each other, then pretty much everything else (with the exception of cinema or go-karting) wouldn't really work either.

Fiona_B · 13th April 2008, 9:08pm

i'd go for the traditional pub first date, lots of chat and a bit of alcohol to boost the confidence a bit for the kiss goodnight. works every time. leave the interesting things to a bit later.

Draven · 13th April 2008, 9:17pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by jondejonjon

I'm not saying that I'm socially adept, or smart. I think that surely it'd be worse to force them into a one-on-one situation of any kind if they're not comfortable talking to each other. I understand that it's none of my business, and don't know the people involved, but if they're so awkward around each other then surely the best thing to do would be to ensure that they go out as part of a group (to remove the pressure of actually going out on a date), adding alcohol, and seeing if their self-consciousness is lowered enough so that things work out? If they can't hold a conversation, then is it literally just physical attraction that is causing this whole idea of getting the two of them to hook up?

As MarkMono said, some people simply aren't that socially adept. Neither my best mate nor this girl are, it's been a long time since they were in relationships both of which ended very, very badly, so their extremely nervous about committing to a new relationship. They have been out as part of our group a few times, and there's something there, and they can talk to each other fine.

It's just if they like each other that much, then it's time to go out without the mates - both of them have said that separately to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jondejonjon

If they're so awkward when around each other, why the hell would they want to go out on a date? You may want to disregard the old "if they can't talk at dinner" theory, but if they can't hold a conversation, why the hell would they want to have any kind of a relationship, let alone have sex?At the age of 22, why the hell would your mate want to waste his time spending time with people that make him uncomfortable?

They want to go out with each other because they really like each other. I haven't dismissed dinner because I think it's a shit idea, I've dismissed it because they've both said that it's a high pressure situation. This thread was just a suggestion for good first dates, not an analysis of a relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jondejonjon

I can only speak from my personal experience, but if a girl is either (a) stupid, (b) boring or (c) both, then there is no way that I'd want to have anything to do with her.

You assume that the problem is the girl? No, she's lovely, beautiful, interesting and smart, so fuck right off with that. She doesn't make him uncomfortable in the least, just some people are not as confident as you apparently are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jondejonjon

This whole situation confuses me.

Don't over analyse it then Freud.

I'm Your God Now · 13th April 2008, 9:21pm

I need to take someone on a date sometime, I haven't done it since I was about 16. Always fucking hated them, but I wanna see how long I could last without being offensive.

Fiona_B · 13th April 2008, 9:23pm

5 minutes and she'd walk out the door.

Christie. · 13th April 2008, 9:23pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by I'm Your God Now

I need to take someone on a date sometime, I haven't done it since I was about 16. Always fucking hated them, but I wanna see how long I could last without being offensive.

I've been on plennnnnnty of dates with rather offensive guys. well, they're not offensive as such, just felt compelled to tell me about their scat stories etc

jondejonjon · 13th April 2008, 9:23pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Draven

You assume that the problem is the girl? No, she's lovely, beautiful, interesting and smart, so fuck right off with that. She doesn't make him uncomfortable in the least, just some people are not as confident as you apparently are.

Aye, I wasn't suggesting or assuming that at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Draven

Don't over analyse it then Freud.

Fine, I'll keep my mouth shut in future. I thought you were looking for advice, rather than just random shouts for good places to go.

I'm Your God Now · 13th April 2008, 9:26pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiona_B

5 minutes and she'd walk out the door.

I can be incredibly charming, but I just like to amuse myself more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christie.

I've been on plennnnnnty of dates with rather offensive guys. well, they're not offensive as such, just felt compelled to tell me about their scat stories etc

I just hated the idea of 'dates' purely because if I hated the person i'd end up strangling them with whatever rope like object I could find. The closest to a date for me is going to a busy pub.
Scat stories? Must've been a pretty crap date.

Draven · 13th April 2008, 9:32pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by jondejonjon

Fine, I'll keep my mouth shut in future. I thought you were looking for advice, rather than just random shouts for good places to go.

It came across as very preachy for somebody that doesn't know them. If I wanted relationship advice for them, a) I would give them it myself, and b) I would have called this thread "Relationship advice" or somesuch.

I don't mean to burn you, but you way over analysed something you know nothing about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christie.

I've been on plennnnnnty of dates with rather offensive guys. well, they're not offensive as such, just felt compelled to tell me about their scat stories etc

Scat stories doesn't work on first date shocker!

GoddamnElectric · 13th April 2008, 9:54pm

Some people really need to dig out their romantic side. If you don't enjoy dating then you're doing it wrong

Draven · 13th April 2008, 9:56pm

GoddamnElectric: Proving romance isn't dead since 1983.

Tacky · 13th April 2008, 10:04pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by katinacooker

when i was in yr situation i just got drunk and smooshed their faces together like what you do with barbie and ken dolls. didnt work tho. maybe yr stronger than me?

Jeez, that's what they did in my primary school to folk!

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoddamnElectric

If you don't enjoy *insert sexual innuendo here* then you are doing it wrong.

...

Draven · 13th April 2008, 10:05pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tacky

Jeez, that's what they did in my primary school to folk!

...

Then you would promptly explain that the opposite sex were "disgusting".

We don't get "cooties" like the yanks.