Intervention?

*LesMTS* · 17th July 2008, 9:15am

There's a guy I used to be really good friends with, we went to high school together and, after school, he was one of a few of us who went up to Dundee university (he went to do architecture). Things were pretty normal for the first 18 months, then he met a girl, dropped out of uni and disappeared off the radar. A few years down the line we came to understand that he'd become involved rather heavily in the 'drugs scene' (whatever that is) and was hanging around with some potential unsavouries.
Anyway, I bumped into him on Tuesday night and before we met eyes I genuinely thought he was an unfortunate vagrant. Malnourished, unwashed, lost all of his teeth, gums and mouth full of weeping sores, but he seemed lucid enough to speak to and we exchanged numbers.
I brought up this encounter with a few friends and it turns out that even his close family haven't heard from him for years, and have no idea how to get in touch with him. We discussed the possibility of intervention.

So, intervention? Noble and 'the right thing to do' or dramatic, arrogant and presumptious?

Jaemi · 17th July 2008, 9:17am

I'd say do something.

Tacky · 17th July 2008, 9:21am

Wow - i feel for you, i would hate to see an old friend, that had so much potential, like that.

I think rather than go straight to people that know him, speak to him directly about the situation first, subtley get some info out of him. I mean, as he tells you what he's been up to you'll easily gauge whether a) he wants help but doesnt know how to ask for it or b) Just better off left alone.

Definetely tell him mum and dad that you've bumped into him, and that he's doing ok - but i wouldnt give them any contact details until you know he would want them in touch.

Largest of Als · 17th July 2008, 9:22am

Aye, I'd say you've gotta try at least..

If he doesn't want the help, then there's not much you can do, but definitely try..

Al

Jaemi · 17th July 2008, 9:27am

A full scale "intervention" might not be what's needed.
Pass his number to his parents, that's probably a good idea.

Charlicat · 17th July 2008, 9:32am

Intervention should be last option because their reaction can be so unpredicable.

Be his non-judgemental friend, so if he does feel he wants to change or feels he's hit rock bottom, then he has a non junkie compadre. Also, dont leave him alone in your house with your mums handbag sitting on the kitchen worktop.

sjonit · 17th July 2008, 9:32am

If he's a junkie theres prob not much hope left for him, thats a shame as he did seem to have a good career awaiting for him.

Baron Samedi · 17th July 2008, 9:37am

Maybe an idea to try and check with him if there's any particular reason he hasn't been in contact with his close family other than his circumstances/habits. If there are family issues that could have contributed to his situation then getting in touch with them could do him more harm than good.

*LesMTS* · 17th July 2008, 9:42am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron Samedi

Maybe an idea to try and check with him if there's any particular reason he hasn't been in contact with his close family other than his circumstances/habits. If there are family issues that could have contributed to his situation then getting in touch with them could do him more harm than good.

Nah, that's highly unlikely. I know his family reasonably well and the mutual friend who explained that they'd lost contact is old-time family friends with his family, if there was something like that going on he'd know.
Might talk him into coming out for a pint with me and a mutual friend or something.

endless psych · 17th July 2008, 10:27am

By all means invite the guy out for a pint and such but potentially be prepared for "sob stories" ending in a need to borrow money. Also be wary of sob stories that involve needing a place to stay for the night particularly if you have anything of value in your house not nailed down.

(The sob stories could be true of course, but its unlikely they will have anything to do with what the cash is needed for)

Its a noble idea certainly and I would encourage you to try but to try with your eyes open and a healthy dose of cynicism about any potential success.

Tacky · 17th July 2008, 10:29am

I agree with the advice of being very aware of you're mate!

*LesMTS* · 17th July 2008, 10:54am

Quote:

Originally Posted by endless psych

By all means invite the guy out for a pint and such but potentially be prepared for "sob stories" ending in a need to borrow money. Also be wary of sob stories that involve needing a place to stay for the night particularly if you have anything of value in your house not nailed down.

(The sob stories could be true of course, but its unlikely they will have anything to do with what the cash is needed for)

Its a noble idea certainly and I would encourage you to try but to try with your eyes open and a healthy dose of cynicism about any potential success.

He's not an arsehole.

Baron Samedi · 17th July 2008, 10:58am

Quote:

Originally Posted by LesMTS

He's not an arsehole.

That's a bit blinkered is it not? I know he's your old friend but junk's an evil master. If you haven't been in contact with the guy for so long how do you know what he's capable of? It's not as if it's rare for people with drug problems to steal from friends and family.

Not saying he will do anything like that but it's certainly a possibility to be wary of.

endless psych · 17th July 2008, 11:01am

You haven't seen this guy for how many years...?

He probably isn't an arsehole but if he is an addict... To help this guys likely to be a huuuge personal investement from yourself and your other mates. Do you have the time and energy for this or will this turn out to be a case of a few months (maybe longer) of intense help then a gradual fall off and relapse?

Consider your ability to commit to help as well as your desire to essentially.

*LesMTS* · 17th July 2008, 11:07am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron Samedi

That's a bit blinkered is it not? I know he's your old friend but junk's an evil master. If you haven't been in contact with the guy for so long how do you know what he's capable of? It's not as if it's rare for people with drug problems to steal from friends and family.

Not saying he will do anything like that but it's certainly a possibility to be wary of.

I don't know anything about his involvement in drugs or otherwise, only that the last I heard of him he was hanging about with guys who were known to be into all sorts. I didn't question him on his lifestyle, that might come later if we get him out for a pint.
He was lucid and pleasant to talk to the other night, just an utter physical wreck.