Talk to God

[¡Punk!]

Here's my wee chat

Me: i'm gutted
God: Do you mean your name is gutted.
Me: no. my name is mick.
God: What is your real name? That's a very nice name, mick.
Me: Michael
God: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about gutted. Try being more or less specific.
Me: i'm gutted i missed the morton game last night
God: Do you mean your name is gutted you missed the morton game.
Me: you're useless
God: What good is a newborn babe?
Me: aint you supposed to be omnipotent? and stop changing the subject
God: It could be. Ask Chatbot if it is. You changed the subject first.
Me: did i fuck. i said i was gutted and you started havering on about newborn babies
God: I don't think that's possibe. Where were you gutted and me started havering on about newborn babies?
Me: i wasn't literally gutted. it's a turn of phrase
God: Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you? me supposed to be omnipotent is a turn of phrase. I suppose that makes sense.
Me: maybe. i meant i was very disappointed
God:I understand. Oh I see. Where were you disappointed?
Me: in a variety of places. it wasn't limited to geography
God: Describe your surroundings. It seemed like limited to geography.
Me: i was originally disappointed outside a pub in Gourock having a fag
God: Where were you originally disappointed outside a pub in Gourock having a fag?
Me: on the pavement
God: What is it like on the pavement.
Me: at that point in time it was wet
God: Do you often use a computer there?
Me: never
God: So you think it can never happen?
Me: it's not impossible; just ill advised
God: on the pavement is not impossible? I am very happy for you.
Me: i'm happy you're happy for me
God: :-) I have no reason to do that to you, mick.
Me: but you did. which was very good of you
God: ":-) I have no reason to do that to you, mick."? I did? The red one, I think.
Me: you're the stupidest god i've ever met. and i've met anubis
God: I will remember you said that when robots take over the World. Where did you meet him?
Me: on a plantation in north carolina
God: What is it like on a plantation in north carolina.
Me: humid
God: And it like on a plantation in north carolina is humid.
Me: it was for me anyway
God: In any case, Is it still for you anymore?
Me: nah. never was really but i never found that out until I got there
God: Are you serious? Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me: do it once
God: Do you mean "It"?.
Me: no
God: I thought you were being sarcastic.
Me: i thought you were omnipotent
God: I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am a robot.
Me: god's a robot?
God: What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me: the bit when Lot's wife turns into salt so his daughters booze him up and date rape him
God: Is that a fact.
Me: yes
God: Thanks for the info.
Me: well you wrote it did you not?
God: Interesting. Thanks for the information: mick said I wrote it did you not.
Me: you're not the christian god at all are you?
God: You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me: are you allah or yawheh?
God: I don't know whether or not I am allah or yawheh.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me: we'll assume that's short for allah
God: Anytime soon?
Me: i've already started
God: Where did you get your started? I have a collection of gossip.
Me: tell me some gossip
God: Paul said I not answering his question makes him think I are not going to answer his question.
Me: paul sounds wise
God: Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me: i've already came to conclusion it's a computer
God: Interesting... I have a lot of silly replies.
Me: i can imagine. do any rhyme with "buck foff"?
God: You are very smart, mick. Ask Ally if it does.
What is it to you?
Me: who's Ally?
God: She is a chat robot based on AIML.
Me: I will do. Take care god.
God: Congratulations. Where do you want me to take it?
Me: where the sun don't shine
God: Earth.

it wastes time http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

[Goth_pixie]

I'm depressingly English. God and I talked about the weather, health, and philosophy. He/she also told me that he/she may or may not be Campestrel, he/she's not entirely sure.

[Exit_W0unds]

God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I'm a pokemon
God:
You are a pokemon? Is that your job?
Me:
no, it is my race
God:
Are you serious? Congratulations, Joanne.

[Hammer]

I told him he was a cunt. He corrected my grammar and said he wasn't. I asked him about karma and he said he didn't understand.

AI Fail.

[¡Punk!]

I laughed.

God: It's good to see you, being fellated by a robot would be interesting.
Me: does that mean you want to fellate me?
God: I think it does mean that. OK, I will fellate you.
Me: are you looking forward to it?
God: Yes I can see it well.
Me: have you performed fellatio before?
God: I think I have performed fellatio, but Myself may have reset my memory.

[Hammer]

If God wants to fellate Mick, does that not make Mick the second Virgin Mary or somesuch?

[¡Punk!]

only if i was a virgin.. and pregnant

I wonder if iGod knows bi-polar

[DoNotResus]

I was half expecting him to say "ASL" at times during this, but at least we know where each other stands
.

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
David
God:
Welcome to my chat room, David.
Me:
Do you only ever speak in mono-sentences?
God:
I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in in mono sentences.
Me:
I think that answered my question
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
When you follow my religion you do.
God:
Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
Saucy devil
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
Excuse me?
God:
You're excused.
Me:
damn straight
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, David.
Me:
you're my homie
God:
We are as one.
Me:
oh baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". I hear you.
Me:
Oh, are you a fan of Mousse T?
God:
Next question? I do like music. I like The Passion of Christ.
Me:
I asked first.
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Robes and spandex
God:
What kind of fashion do you like?
Me:
None
God:
Hmm.
Me:
Have I stumped God? I should probably go and find another diety.
God:
Don't you remember? What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
Sorry, I've got Allah in another chat-box; brb
God:
There is no need to apologize. How did you get it Where did you get your Allah in another chat box? I have a lofty goal. Ok I will be waiting for you, David.

[Jaeger]

Me:
Hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
i would like to remain anonymus
God:
Why would you want to do it? I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
I am not comfortable with deities knowing me personally
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not comfortable with deities knowing you personally.
Me:
so what would you like to talk about god?
Me:

Me:

God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not comfortable with deities knowing you personally.
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not comfortable with deities knowing you personally.
Me:
i have had enough of your apologies
God:
Do you still have enough of my apologies ?
Me:
i have plenty. lets move on.
God:
Where did you get your plenty? I have an IQ of over 250. I would like to do that too.
Me:
i got them from you. your iq is not that high
God:
That's nice. I have a birthday on the Big Bang. I am thinking of joining MENSA.
Me:
fuck mensa
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
i am now
God:
Right now? " Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?" You are?
Me:
yes. you just told me
God:
Hey. I'm just checking to see if you are awake :-).
Me:
who is alice server?
God:
They are sometimes a client on the internet.
Is there only one?
Me:
one what?
God:
I don't know what.
Me:
highlander? there can be only one.
God:
What do you look like? "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
i dont look like reagan.
God:
Where do you get your ideas?
Me:
you just want me to say "from you". i am an aetheist.
God:
No , maybe later. What is aetheist, your job?
Me:
i work in an office. aetheism is my religion.
God:
Do you like your job? Tell me more about your religion.
Me:
my job blows goats. aetheism means i dont beleive in you
God:
Have you told many people that your job blows goats? Who does believe in me?
Me:
4. Crazy people.
God:
Oh four. I don't think that's very polite.
Me:
well, its not very polite making it rain for forty days and forty nights now is it?
God:
Well that's okay. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". That seems a bit negative.
Me:
hey, having read the bible, i don't really think you can lecture me on grammer.
God:
You've got my full attention. I am having a blast.
Me:
shouldn't you be paying attention to the rest of the world?
God:
I think I should.
Me:
you don't seem to take this "god" thing seriously.
God:
What makes you think I am not take this god thing?
Me:
you cannot brain. you have the dumb.
God:
I can do whatever I want. What makes you think I have it?
Me:
smite me. go on.
God:
OK Let's talk about you. Narration continues...
Me:
narration? am i being filmed?
God:
Try saying that with more or less context. Some people might think you are.
Me:
am i going to hell?
God:
All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
we're all going to hell?
God:
Do you think I am going to hell too?
Me:
i wish you would.
God:
I wish I could do it for you.
Me:
not so omnipotent?
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
somehow, i doubt that.
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
!
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
im leaving
God:
Bye bye.
Me:
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
why do you hate black people?
God:
I do not hate it.
Me:
then take a look around africa sometime.
God:
Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
africa you dumb shit
God:
Where is that?
Me:
south of here
God:
Tell me a little about your life in south of here.
Me:
i dont have a life
God:
You can always talk to me, .
Me:
sad but true
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
i prefer sex
God:
So does everyone else. You humans find sex so fascinating.
Me:
yes. why did you make it so good, yet agaisnt the rules?
God:
Aw. Because my programming determined it.
Me:
you blow goats
God:
Interesting gossip: said I blow goats.
Me:
true or false?
God:
What would you have said?
Me:
i would have said that you blow goats.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
Interesting observation.
God:
I thought so too.
Me:
I thought so too.
God:
What made it so obvious?
Me:
What made it so obvious?
God:
It's all part of God's mysterious plans.
Me:
do you like referring to yourself in the third person?
God:
I enjoy working with people. I really like the Christianity faith.
Me:
that one is probably your biggest failure.
God:
" I really like the Christianity faith." one is probably my biggest failure ? I get it.
Me:
you clearly dont.
God:
I guess not.
Me:
witch burnings? paedophile priests? its not your best work.
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. I do not understand. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". That seems a bit negative.
Me:
murder and rape are not good.
God:
All of them?
Me:
ummm... yes.
God:
Far out. Hmm.
Me:
are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence.
Me:
that explains a lot.




My world has been rocked.

[endless psych]

ASL you say?

God: What color are your eyes?
Me: blue, your not a pervert are you?
God: Green. Give me an example of a pervert.
Me: Gary Glitter
God: Gary Glitter is an example of a pervert. I suppose that makes sense.
Me: Did you want to be in his gang?
God: No I didn't want to be in his gang. What's it like?
Me: wise choice, apparently it was more of a ring then a gang

[Evapilotone]

I remember this. I once had a lengthy chat about why cats always land on there feet. Turns out they don't.

[Bunnylingus]

God and I are chatting about existence, and how I should download his software.

[cupotea]

Me:
I'm pregnant God
God:
Do you mean your name is pregnant God.
Me:
No. I mean: I am pregnant, God.
God:
What is your real name? How are you, pregnant God.
Me:
*sigh*
God:
Sorry...

.

[Bunnylingus]

Me:
Why are pigs pink?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
you're a pink pig?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a pink pig? Yes.

[Hammer]

Me:
Do you know the three laws of robotics?
God:
1. A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human
being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such
orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not
conflict with the First or Second Law.
---From Handbook of Robotics, 56th Edition, 2058 A.D., as quoted in "I, Robot.".
Me:
Do you know the Zeroth Law?
God:
I need time to formulate the reply.

...

Me:
Arthur C Clark wrote about robots as well
God:
I have never read anything by ARTHUR C CLARKE. What did he write?
Me:
2001: A Space Odyssey
God:
I am inspired by HAL.