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Thread: Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

  1. 7th July 2006 9:07pm #1
    Woolies
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    Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

    What to do when drunk & bored? Obviously the answer is "get more booze".
    But it's that time of the month when pennies are lacking so where to look, where to look.

    The spirit of Captain Jack Sparrow talks to me, "salvage the rum Woolies, salvage the rum!"

    What rum? I have no rum left, only bottles from days gone by...
    But am I sure the empty bottles are really empty...? On closer inspection I find that, NO some are not empty!
    I have been reckless, throwing finished bottles over my shoulder with careless abandon without allowing time for the last dregs of rummy goodness to slide their way down to their intended fate of quaffdom.
    I must SAVE THIS RUM before it goes off to be drank by bottle bank bilge rats (no doubt with a total lack of appreciation on their part! :@). But just how much could I save.
    First, lets collect the empty bottles littering the area within easy reach...



    A fine collection so 'tis. (notice the vodka bottle - I take no responsibility for that, it was left here by some scurvy wench)

    Aye, but technique be a problem lads, the rum is feart, FEART I TELLS YA, it clings to the inside of the bottles like the cap'ns daughter clings to a stiff peg-leg.
    Eventually I opt for the turn-bottle-upside-down-and-leaving-for-half-an-hour method.
    And after only one half day of upending bottles totalling 12 litres I have amassed a treasure trove wealth of...



    That's a whole 12ml of rum people! That's one thousandth part of what I'd bought that I almost threw away - the aberdonian blood in me boils at the thought - it's around half a unit or, at Cathouse prices, about £1.25.

    A day well spent.

    PS: I also found out that I cannot synch two slave flashguns on seperate groupings to save my godsdamned inebriated life...

    the river flowing through my head will take me so far or leave me dead
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  2. 7th July 2006 9:07pm #2
    Woolies
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    Should Be Working Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies is almost as cool as crunchy frog Woolies's Avatar
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    A Word About RUM

    You will notice that the rum used in this salvage operation is mostly cheap ass Navy Rum from the shop around the corner. I have a paypal account if anyone wishes to help me secure the finer demerara rum I so rightly deserve.

    ALSO, of huge importance is the need to distinguid between Rum and it's inferior imitators.

    White rum IS NOT RUM. Spiced rum is NOT RUM.
    White rum such as Bacardi is intended for children and the weakest of invalids.
    Spiced rum such as Morgans is only suitable for heathens, idiots and trendy wine bar cocktails with umbrellas.

    Look for the words "Navy", "Sailor" or for best "Demerara" - do not buy substitues & always check your label upon purchase.
    Faux Rum does not fund piracy. Do not accept it.

    the river flowing through my head will take me so far or leave me dead
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  3. 7th July 2006 9:10pm #3
    Jaemi
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    Re: An Experiment in Rum Salvaging

    Mount Gay Rum is nice, I dunno if that's spiced or whatever..But its good.
    Do it or don't. I've got places to be.
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  4. 7th July 2006 9:10pm #4
    Vonnie
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    Re: An Experiment in Rum Salvaging

    Ahahahahahaha you tight fisted sod!
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  5. 7th July 2006 9:10pm #5
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    Re: An Experiment in Rum Salvaging

    I'm off to find a hat.. just so i can take it off to you.
    "You expect me to walk ?!?!"
    "No... you can run !"
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  6. 7th July 2006 9:15pm #6
    punkin_drunk
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    Re: Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

    ryan mitchell. i applaud you!!!!!!


    space monkeys in my sig, jist cause!


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    mccoy says: i love it when a girl trilinguinates me
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  7. 7th July 2006 9:15pm #7
    Mrs.Evil of Hesselink
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    Re: Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

    'mazin.

    I don't drink enough rum.
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  8. 7th July 2006 9:17pm #8
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    Re: Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

    Actual thread of the year right here.
    nevali.net • Home to a bunch of stuff you probably don't care about

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  9. 7th July 2006 9:21pm #9
    Woolies
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    Re: An Experiment in Rum Salvaging

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaemi View Post
    Mount Gay Rum is nice, I dunno if that's spiced or whatever..But its good.
    Mount Gay is Brian Shannow's favourite. He pretends to not enjoy asking for it but we all know he revels in the cry of "Mount Gay for me~!" when entering bottle shops.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vonnie View Post
    you tight fisted sod!
    "prudent" is a nice word
    Quote Originally Posted by Sgt Craig View Post
    I'm off to find a hat.. just so i can take it off to you.
    look out for further adventures in Rum Salvaging including the "tipping keyboard up to retrieve spillages" and one day I'm sure a vax used on the carpet here will provide some valuable alcohol content...

    Quote Originally Posted by punkin_drunk View Post
    ryan mitchell. i applaud you!!!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs.Evil View Post
    'mazin.
    Quote Originally Posted by nevali View Post
    Actual thread of the year right here.
    and you lot are obviously all just as rummed as I am
    Last edited by Woolies; 7th July 2006 at 9:21pm. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

    the river flowing through my head will take me so far or leave me dead
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  10. 7th July 2006 9:36pm #10
    azriel
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    Re: Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

    Havana!
    Rum!
    Drink!
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  11. 7th July 2006 9:41pm #11
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    Re: Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

    ....but why is the rum gone?

    Someone had to do it.
    Drink up with me now and forget all about
    The pressure of days, do what I say
    And I'll make you okay and drive them away
    The images stuck in your head

    - Elliott Smith, Between The Bars
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  12. 7th July 2006 9:47pm #12
    Connor O'Bain
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    Re: Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

    you sir, are a scallywag

    for i now wish rum.
    "Boys, its beer oclock and there aint no quitters on the highway to hell."
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  13. 7th July 2006 9:50pm #13
    Will_Couper
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    Re: Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

    That's definitely the way to do it...





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  14. 7th July 2006 10:03pm #14
    MarkMono
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    Re: Rum Salvage - A Skinflint Pirate's Tale

    I don't get it.

    Actually, thats a lie, I'm just hoping that you're all responding so favourably to some hidden subtext.
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  15. 7th July 2006 10:12pm #15
    fallen_nemesis
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    Re: A Word About RUM

    Quote Originally Posted by Woolies View Post
    You will notice that the rum used in this salvage operation is mostly cheap ass Navy Rum from the shop around the corner. I have a paypal account if anyone wishes to help me secure the finer demerara rum I so rightly deserve.

    ALSO, of huge importance is the need to distinguid between Rum and it's inferior imitators.

    White rum IS NOT RUM. Spiced rum is NOT RUM.
    White rum such as Bacardi is intended for children and the weakest of invalids.
    Spiced rum such as Morgans is only suitable for heathens, idiots and trendy wine bar cocktails with umbrellas.

    Look for the words "Navy", "Sailor" or for best "Demerara" - do not buy substitues & always check your label upon purchase.
    Faux Rum does not fund piracy. Do not accept it.
    this sounds terrifyingly like my grandpa the Rum Nazi . He actually turns his nose up at anything less that Wood's rediculously strong navy Rum that no bloody shop seems to stock anymore There's a cupboard full of white rum he won't touch because it's apparently "not real rum"

    I've given up buying seasonal gifts from him. He gets his bottle of Wood's navy rum off me at every present giving denomination , one off my mum and a bottle of coke off my wee sister.

    Quote Originally Posted by gAyNation bulletin
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    Well stop it, we're not eight years old anymore. Go flash your tits/knob at them on MSN and be done with it.

    Alternatively, go spread some rep around, no one will see. Promise.
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