Recommend me a book please

Rio Ohki · 23rd March 2009, 9:11pm

I’ve come to dread the commute to work. More specifically, I’ve come to dread the nerve shredding boredom that comes with a half hour journey, on a train full of smelly people, where you can’t get a seat.

I’ve tried many things in order to pass the time. The Ipod is good, but there’s only so many times you can listen to the Linkin Park/Jay Z album, Spineshank, and Offspring before you get bored.

Also, you can’t sing along without people looking at you funny with their smelly wee faces.

I’ve tried a handheld device out of Argos that’s got 20 or so Mega Drive games on it. It worked for a while, but there are a few problems.

Not all of the games are good.
Thirty minutes is not long enough to complete your average 16 bit era game, be it Platformer, RPG, or Shoot-Em-Up.
I can’t scream out ‘BASTARD’ when that ginger cat eats me for the millionth time in Flicky.

Not all of the games are good.

Now, until recently, reading was off my agenda. I finished, and graduated from an English Lit course at Glasgow Uni in 2007, got myself a shiny degree, and now work for a Local Council, living the dream.

The problem is that for five years (four year course plus a repeated second year, because I’m thick) I had to read books as a chore, not for enjoyment. The other problem was that most of the books were ones I couldn’t stand. Have you ever had to read a book called ‘The Awakening’? Don’t: my copy is currently propping up my desk.

However, a couple of weeks ago I decided enough was enough, and I picked up a book, determined to start reading again (or rather to read something that wasn’t ‘Marvel Zombies’). I soon discovered that half an hour was the perfect amount of time to digest a chapter or two. This slow, measured approach to reading ensured that I was able to enjoy the process as I once had, and also meant I could avoid eye contact with the smelly people.

I’ve now finished that book, and I want another one. I ask you now to recommend me something. It can be anything, with the following exceptions.

Anything by Stephen King

Nothing against the man, but the book I read was one of his. I liked it, I might read another, but for now, I want something different.

Harry Potter

I’ve read them, the last book was rubbish, and I’m 24 years old.

Anne Rice books

If any of you hear that I’ve started reading these, you have permission to stab me, and keep stabbing until my legs stop twitching and you feel like you’re stirring lentil soup.

The ‘Twilight’ series

Fuck you, and MotherFUCK your sparkly gay Vampires

Romance novels

I have a perfectly good relationship. Why the hell would I want to read about a dysfunctional one, let alone the same dysfunctional relationship as all the other ones.

Girl cannot get boyfriend, life is horrible, woe is her.
Girl spies boy that she likes.
Oh, I think he likes me.
Oh, maybe he doesn’t, although I’ve got no proof of this.
Oh wow, he does like me!
Oh shit, I felated his cat, videoed it, and sent it to him. He now hates me!
Oh wait, he doesn’t hate me, he wants my babies.
We’re living the domestic dream, although the cat won’t look me in the eye if I’ve been drinking.

Bollocks to that, we keep Richard Curtis around for a reason.

Chick Lit novels

I’m an empowered career girl, who lives in London. I don’t need a man, I’m too busy breaking the glass ceiling, and watching the assorted works of Richard Curtis.
Oh god, he’s so dreamy.
What do you mean we’re both up for the same job?
What do you mean I engaged in mutual masturbation with his goldfish?
Never mind, I’m now pregnant and I’m more than happy to let him have the job and raise my sprogs in traditional domestic bliss. Who cares how hard I’ve worked, I’ve got a man and children, and It's fucking bliss.

So, with these very reasonable exceptions in place, get suggesting.

Witch · 23rd March 2009, 9:15pm

I'm quite partial to matthew reilly, pure unadulterated popcorn for your brain. Mostly action books, based around army/military characters and a bit fluffy, but enjoyable none the less.

Eulonima · 23rd March 2009, 9:16pm

Dawn of the Dumb - Charlie brooker (excellent trainreading)
Hells Angels - Hunter S Thompson
The Rum diary - Hunter s thompson
Ringworld series - Larry Niven (series that halo is based on, except much better)
The Resident Evil books are pretty good too, ive only read 2 of em but Div recommends em all tho
Anything by Chuck Palahniuk
Princess Bride - William goldman

also fuck gay sparkly vampires.

unkle markus · 23rd March 2009, 9:17pm

V.A.L.I.S by Philip K. Dick

If you like the movie biz books by Peter Biskind are great.

Rhöna of the Rhein · 23rd March 2009, 9:22pm

The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Lincoln Lawyer - Michael Connelly

Rio Ohki · 23rd March 2009, 9:23pm

Cheers, I shall be noting these down, and browsing the depressingly limited shelves of Falkirk Waterstones tomorrow.

Yes, fuck sparkly gay Vampires.

I know it's been posted before, but people who read those books, look like this.

YouTube - full length twilight trailer...

Foxglove · 23rd March 2009, 9:23pm

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson

poprock · 23rd March 2009, 9:25pm

253 by Geoff Ryman
Non-linear storytelling. One-page biographies of every passenger on a London Underground train, which unexpectedly turns out to actually have a plot threaded throughout. Perfect commuting novel.

Going Postal by Stephan Jaramillo
The American dream. One scewed up slacker loses his McJob and his girlfriend whilst trying desperately not to obssess over postal worker shooting sprees. Contains the single finest gonzo description of a night out on the town I have ever read.

Needle in the Groove by Jeff Noon
What if music could be recorded in a liquid form? What if you could shake it in your hand to perform a remix? What if you injected it as a drug? Fucking outstanding psychedelic fantasy.

Pattern Recognition by William Gibson
Cayce is a coolhunter with a pathological ‘allergy’ to branding. She gets sucked into Events Beyond Her Control. Outstanding novel that feels like science fiction despite being set right here and now.

The Fuck Up by Arthur Nersesian
The American dream again, in eighties New York. Man loses job, girl, home, money, dignity etc. Even gets fired from working as a jizz mopper in a gay porn cinema. Redemption isn’t on the cards here.

Largest of Als · 23rd March 2009, 9:31pm

Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson
Bit of sci-fi/Cyberpunk. Can get a bit heavy going about 3/4 of the way in.. but still a cracker.

Neuromancer - William Gibson
More Cyberpunk.. but the first of a series..

Chickenhawk - Robert Mason
Autobiography of a Vietnam Helicopter Pilot. Regarded as one of the best books to come out of the Vietnam War.

The Hinge Factor - Erik Durschmied
Sub Titled 'How Chande and Stupidity Changed History'. A very good 'What If' book.. makes you think.

Generation Kill - Evan Wright
Rolling Stone journalist embedded with the US Marines in the Iraq War, made into a TV series by HBO.

That should start you off....

Al

Eulonima · 23rd March 2009, 9:32pm

"Love all the people" by Bill Hicks is pretty good trainreadin too

mischief · 23rd March 2009, 9:36pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by poprock

253 by Geoff Ryman
Non-linear storytelling. One-page biographies of every passenger on a London Underground train, which unexpectedly turns out to actually have a plot threaded throughout. Perfect commuting novel.

Going Postal by Stephan Jaramillo
The American dream. One scewed up slacker loses his McJob and his girlfriend whilst trying desperately not to obssess over postal worker shooting sprees. Contains the single finest gonzo description of a night out on the town I have ever read.

The Fuck Up by Arthur Nersesian
The American dream again, in eighties New York. Man loses job, girl, home, money, dignity etc. Even gets fired from working as a jizz mopper in a gay porn cinema. Redemption isn’t on the cards here.

Well that's 3 books for taking on holiday sorted.

Fiona_B · 23rd March 2009, 9:36pm

darkly dreaming dexter - jeff lindsay
neil gaiman - neverwhere
haruki murakami - wind-up bird chronicles
gregory maguire - wicked
ed sanders - the family
iain banks - complicity
yann martel - life of pi
philip pullman - northern lights
markus zusak - the book thief
steven hall - the raw shark texts
kevin smith - my boring-ass life
glen duncan - i, lucifer
donna tartt - the little friend
lionel shriver - we need to talk about kevin
ryu murakami - in the miso soup
mark z. danielewski - house of leaves
john connolly - nocturnes
chuck palahniuk - choke
boris starling - messiah
nick hornby - high fidelity
walter moers - the 13 and a half lives of captain bluebear