| death by cricket bat
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 358
| Two pretty funny phone call transcripts
These are two fairly funny transcripts from phonecalls which apparently actually
took place. The first is a woman making a call to emergency services because
Burger King gave her the wrong burger. The second is the best though, a guy
trys to order pizza on behalf of a load of FBI agents conducting an
investigation at a psychiatric hospital. (thanks to Les for sending me this!)
__________________________________________________ _________
Dispatcher: Sheriff's department, how can I help you?
Woman: Yeah, I'm over here . . . I'm over here at Burger King right here in San
Clemente.*
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: Um, no, not San Clemente; I'm sorry, I live in San Clemente. I'm in
Laguna Niguel, I think, that's where I'm at.
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: I'm at a drive-through right now.
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: I went . . . I ordered my food three times. They're mopping the floor
inside, and I understand they're busy . . . they're not even busy, okay, I've
been the only car here. I asked them four different times to make me a Western
Barbeque Burger. Okay, they keep giving me a hamburger with lettuce, tomato, and
cheese, onions, and I said, "I'm not leaving . . ."
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: I want a Western Burger because I just got my kids from Tae Kwon Do,
they're hungry, I'm on my way home, and I live in San Clemente.
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Woman: Okay . . . she said, she gave me another hamburger; it's wrong. I said
four times, I said, "I want it to go. Can you go out and park in front?" I said,
"No, I want my hamburger right." So then the . . . the lady came to the manager.
She . . . well whoever she is, she came up and she said, um, she said, um, "Do
you want your money back?" And I said, "No, I want my hamburger. My kids are
hungry and I have to jump on that toll freeway." I said, "I am not leaving this
spot," and I said, "I will call the police," because I want my Western Burger
done right! Now is that so hard?
Dispatcher: Okay, what exactly is it you want us to do for you?
Woman: I . . . send an officer down here. I . . . I want them to make me . . .
Dispatcher: Ma'am, we're not gonna go down there and enforce your Western Bacon
Cheeseburger.
Woman: What am I supposed to do?
Dispatcher: This is . . . this is between you and the manager. We're not gonna
go and enforce how to make a hamburger; that's not a criminal issue. There's . .
. there's nothing criminal there.
Woman: So I just stand here . . . so I just sit here and [block]?
Dispatcher: You . . . you need to calmly and rationally speak to the manager and
figure out what to do between you.
Woman: She did come up, and I said, "Can I please have my Western Burger?" She .
. . she said, "I'm not dealing with it," and she walked away. Because they're
mopping the floor, and it's also the fact that they don't want to . . . they
don't want to go through there . . . and . . . and . . .
Dispatcher: Ma'am, then I suggest you get your money back and go somewhere else.
This is . . . this is not a criminal issue. We can't go out there and make them
make you a cheeseburger the way you want it.
Woman: Well . . . that is . . . that . . . you're supposed to be here to protect
me.
Dispatcher: Well, what are we protecting you from, a wrong cheeseburger?
Woman: No . . .
Dispatcher: Is this like . . . is this a harmful cheeseburger or something? I
don't understand what you want us to do.
Woman: Just come down here. I'm not . . . I'm not leaving.
Dispatcher: No ma'am, I'm not sending the deputies down there over a
cheeseburger. You need to go in there and act like an adult and either get your
money back or go home.
Woman: She is not acting like an adult herself! I'm sitting here in my car; I
just want them to make my kids a . . . a Western Burger.
Dispatcher: Ma'am, this is what I suggest: I suggest you get your money back
from the manager and you go on your way home.
Woman: Okay.
Dispatcher: Okay? Bye-bye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(*We're aware that the Western Bacon Cheeseburger is a menu item offered by
Carl's Jr., not Burger King. The caller either misidentified the type of burger
she was trying to order or misstated the name of the restaurant. Both chains
have outlets in Laguna Niguel, and Burger King has periodically promoted a
Western Whopper burger.)
__________________________________________________ ______________________
FBI agents conducted a "search and seizure" at the Southwood Psychiatric
Hospital in San Diego, which was under investigation for medical insurance
fraud. After hours of poring over many rooms of financial records, some sixty
FBI agents worked up quite an appetite. The case agent in charge of the
investigation called a local pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick
dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent: Hello. I would like to order nineteen large pizzas and sixty-seven cans
of soda.
Pizza man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: To the Southwood Psychiatric Hospital.
Pizza man: To the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We
have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back to the service entrance
to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza man: And you're over at Southwood?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza man: And everyone at Southwood is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza man: How are you going to pay for this?
Agent: I have my check book right here.
Pizza man: And you are all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right, everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring
the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front
doors locked.
Pizza man: I don't think so.
Click. |
