Man dies from Too Many Messageboards

[petpiranha]

"I Link, Therefore I am"

A WEST NYACK, N.Y. MAN was found dead at his computer apparently the victim of trying to keep up with too many professional forums. Childress H. Wanamaker, 54, an account executive at a New York-based new media company, died of starvation according to the West Nyack coroner's office. Wanamaker's emaciated body was found by Loraine, his wife of 26 years, who told MediaPost she had been bringing her husband meals on plastic trays for weeks, but that he never took the time to eat them.
"He was glued to his computer 24/7," she said tearfully. "He was so afraid he was going to miss an opportunity to contribute a comment or start a discussion, that he just stopped eating." She added that Wanamaker's last words were "OK Picard, stick that in your pipe and smoke it..."

Computer forensic specialists from SUNY at Cortland discovered that Wanamaker was subscribed to 48 different forums and networking communities including one apparently having to do with the elderly called "oldtimers" and another apparently limited to just 100 people. They also found that he posted a comment into one forum or another on an average of two per minute every hour of the day for the past seven weeks.

"He felt under terrible pressure to be part of the online community," said his son, Lucian, who says he tried several times to get his father's attention and lure him away from the computer. "The only time he even looked up was when I told him I had seen Dane Madsen trying to steal his car out of the driveway."

Police found what appeared to be an organization chart taped to the wall of Wanamaker's den with lines linking small photos of people unknown to the police including a Tom Hespos and an Adam Boettiger. Neither is considered a suspect in Wanamaker's death.

"Once, I thought I had him," said Lucian Wanamaker, "when I said that mom had made cookies, but half out of his chair, he just sat back down mumbling something about two Roman gods; I believe it was Jupiter and Atlas having some sort of titanic battle. 'Let them eat PIE,' he bellowed banging on his keyboard."

Computer forensic specialists reported that there was no order or continuity to Wanamaker's forum postings. "It looks like he just sort of randomly commented on whatever was in the discussion string at the time," said Stephen Hall, CUNY-Cortland adjunct professor of intemperate and impulsive behavior. "He let nothing go by unchallenged by his own point of view, nor failed to respond to any other community member asking for advice or a new job. This consumed not only 24 hours a day, but also, apparently, his physical health."

In what must be a record, Wanamaker was linked into to over 15,250 other community members, many of whom he exchanged notes with daily. He also contributed to 375 blogs and was expected to start an online column about the impact of interactive communications on health, when he died.

A virtual memorial service will be held online at a date to be determined.

[Exit_W0unds]

*throws seat out the window and switches off the electricity*

[Pete!]

Fake.

[djtoast]

impossible surely? you'd become too weak to continue, at which point they'd cart you off and stick you on a drip, i reckon.

[LesMTS]

Seems pretty unlikely that this would happen, you can, after all, survive for several months without eating as long as you drink plenty of fluids (obviously depending on your condition pre-starvation). The human body has plenty of energy reserves to keep it going. Also, the instinct to eat would become unbearable and I don't think you can simply 'forget' to eat under these kind of circumstances. If he was badly emaciated AND ill (mentally or physically) to begin with it might be credible.
I reckon that if he was sedentary at a computer terminal for that length of time, assuming the average health of a 54 year old New Yorker, he would have been killed by a thrombosis long, long before starvation killed him.
Also, some kind of social services should have been alerted before his potential death even became an issue.
However, I do remember a story last year (from a credible source) regarding a young, reasonably fit Korean gentleman who died of dehydration after playing an online RPG for about 4 days straight. So I guess it's not impossible, as long as he didn't drink any water either.

[petpiranha]

True or not, it made me laugh.

[sponnielad]

aw man am so glad petey posted in this thread. a wiz greetin ther hinking it wiz him

am aw happy again noo tho

ah gess we'll jist hiv tay wait n see hoo duznay post any mare tay find oot who the misteri man is.

av no seen sebb fur a wile oan here!

[Pete!]

Originally Posted by Pete!

Fake.

^

[Metalcherry]

scarily the internet is really addictive to some people, of course the above sounds utterly fake but i know that at times - especially on this forum, i didnt want to miss a single thing, i would sit in work with the forum up on my screen and the amount of times i got into trouble for being on the net during work.

[Ghostsuit]

Originally Posted by Pete!

Fake.

Pete take heed of this tall tale

[John Spartan]

Originally Posted by LesMTS

Seems pretty unlikely that this would happen, you can, after all, survive for several months without eating as long as you drink plenty of fluids .

7 weeks is the average they reckon.

[LesMTS]

I reckon your average western, middle aged male would have enough stored energy to go a lot longer than 7 weeks, especially if they were more or less motionless (as we are led to believe he was).
I'd say the average western, middle aged male remaining completely sedentary would burn about 7 MJ/day. Say his weight was 100kg and he had 35% body fat (probably correct for his age and cultural background - yes, I'm making assumptions here), that's 35kg=35,000g of fat. Fat produces around 39kj/g when utilised for energy by the body so 39x35,000=1,365,000kj=1,365MJ, 1365MJ/7MJperDay=195days or approximately 28 weeks. So assuming my maths, values and physiology are credible I reckon he'd last at least 7 months (give or take) and that is AFTER he'd used up his few day's supply of stored glycogen. Then his body would start breaking down his muscles and other large protein stores whereupon he would start to irreperably damage his health.

However, we know nothing about his condition prior to this event so none of this might matter. He may have been an emaciated 50kg with only a tiny percentage of body fat, under which circumstances his longevity would be hugely reduced.

The story was entertaining though, so it doesn't really matter if it's a fake.

[LesMTS]

Potentially knock a month or two off that for micronutrient deficiencies, although I'm not convinced they would make a great deal of difference.

[petpiranha]

yeah don't forget those micronutrient deficiencies...

*rolls off chair laughing*

[LesMTS]

Just covering my ass incase of the very slim possibility that any dieticians or metabolism experts happen to be following this thread!! Don't want to incur the wrath of a micronutrient snob (should snobs of that kind exist), he/she may curse me with rickets or scurvy.