oh yes! oh yes! oh yes!

**LesMTS** · 25th June 2005, 12:20pm

I trust you will all be taking yourselves to check out the ZOMBIE action when zombie-king George A. Romero returns on the 9th SEPTEMBER with 'LAND OF THE DEAD', the 4th installment of the 'NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD' series. If you don't already know who George A. Romero is then you have failed as a human but take it from me that this man knows how to make a zombie film. They may aswell take every copy of every half assed zombie movie made in the last 20 years and launch them into the sun because they are going to be OBSOLETE. It's going to be zombiegeddon when this motherfucker comes out, zombies are going to get SMASHED into PIECES and characters of QUESTIONABLE MORAL BACKBONE are going to get their BRAINS EATEN. There is going to be GORE, SEX, DRUGS and VIOLENCE. It also transpires that Romero has increased the stakes by providing the beleaguered humans with a GIANT TANK, yes, A GIANT TANK, with which to drive through HORDES OF ZOMBIES. Asia Argento is in it too. The only thing that seems to be missing is a ZOMPIRE, an indestructable creature conceptualised by a good friend of mine which is a cross between a ZOMBIE and a VAMPIRE.

Oh Jesus, this might be the best film that has ever been made.

A fucking giant zombie crushing tank. Genius.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0418819

Krocktopus · 27th June 2005, 10:08am

I dont think a Zompire would be entirely indestructible.

If you stake it through where its heart would be, cut off its head and set it on fire i think you may find you have disposed of one zompire.

Watch out for Zombots also - Zombie robots with tough metal bodies who are hard to kill, you'd need an industrial saw to cut their heads off, and Vambots i guess too...

and the lobster people, always be wary of the lobster people

**LesMTS** · 27th June 2005, 10:28am

The croctopus is also an incredibly terrifying creature.

Krocktopus · 28th June 2005, 10:14am

Indeed, thankfully they are cold blooded and aquatic so, if like me, you live on the land in a cold climate you are probably safe but be wary if you are diving for pearls off the coast of Mauritius, they attack without warning and disorientate their prey by shooting ink from their ink shooting pouches (i don't know the technical term).

Although fatal to us (ie. the living), I doubt a croctopus would be very effective against an army of undead zompire warriors, who are rarely found at sea and more often than not are located in urban environments where lots of brains and souls can be found for thenm to feast upon.

I think the traditional handheld chainsaw is the most effective weapon against this ungodly foe, although flamethrowers are good too.

Boil the lobster people alive though, until they confess

**LesMTS** · 28th June 2005, 10:42am

Hahahaha, there's a lengthy discussion on this messageboard;
www.imdb.com/title/tt0418819/board/nest/21022688
about the best way to see of a zombies/some zombies/millions of zombies.

I agree with you, Andy, that a chainsaw to the head is pretty good against a zombie. A shotgun is also a classic anti-zombie weapon (sawn-off of course). Personally, if I managed to divert on or two of them away from the main horde (is horde the name for a group of zombies?), which zombies are 99% of the time found in (they are the quintessentail pack animal) I would fly kick their heads off. This would never work if there were thousands of them though.
Are zombies scared of fire? I forget if they are or not.

Krocktopus · 28th June 2005, 3:04pm

Yeah Shotgun for far(ish) away and the chainsaw for melee attacks, should provide adequate cover in most zombie related situations of peril.

Flying kicks would be very impressive, I imagine thats how Bruce Lee would erradicate all undead lifeforms from ancient China (including the other kung fu moves such as the karate 'chop' and the Chinese 'burn' and not forgetting everyones favourite the 'Crane') if such a legend existed.

I don't think zombies are scared of fire. I think they're too dim to know what it is (i'm not sure they even know what brains are, all they know is that they want to eat them). And they never seem to try to put themselves out when on fire in zombie based cinema. So i guess they're too stoopid to be scared.

Vampires, on the other hand, are all too aware of the dangers of fire. ( you have to pass a computer based learning module on fire awareness before you can become a fully certified vampire. You do that after the initial blood drinking but before your first kill, when you do all the paperwork, filling in forms, joining the union etc)

As for Zompire's though, I don't know. I think fire awareness in this instance would be down to whether it was a zombie bitten by a vampire (no fire knowledge) or a vampire that has become zombified. Although i dont know if you can zombify a vampire coz they are already undead.

Hmmm, any thoughts?

**LesMTS** · 28th June 2005, 5:26pm

A zompire would retain all of the base characteristics of a vampire (shapeshifting, blood drinking, flight etc) but would have none of the scholarly wit, erudition, panache or style of a vampire and would operate solely on primitive instincts (like a zombie). It would also say 'Braaaiiiiiiinnnnnnssssss' a lot. Neither garlic nor crucifixes are effective as the zompire can't understand what they symbolise. It must be despatched by destroying the brain-stem AND staking the heart then burning it and burying the ashes with gooseberries. Therefore it is almost INDESTRUCTABLE. Especially in a post-apocolyptic, zombie-ridden world where gooseberries are few and far between.

**LesMTS** · 28th June 2005, 5:36pm

OH MY GOOD GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117...-13762,00.html

Read this NOW!

petpiranha · 28th June 2005, 7:03pm

Thats fucked up. Things that are dead are meant to stay dead.

Krocktopus · 29th June 2005, 11:27am

Yes. I've realised that a Zompire would have to be a vampire that had become a zombie. For a zombie to become a zompire it would need to be bitten by a vampire, but a vampire would die if it drank blood from a dead (or un-dead) body, so being the more intuitive of the hoards of the underworld undead vampires would not bite zombies.

Only crap vampires would get bitten by zombies though, any vampire worth his salt would be able to kill zombies or at least change into a bat and fly away.

Scientists should be warned about reanimating the dead. Apart from being against all laws of god and nature, the undead are untrustworthy and would surely try and eat the science boffins brain upon reanimation.

Be prepared though, for we may have to slay these minions if they ever escape.

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