This is what happens when you have an essay due

[LesMTS]

Partly inspired by an e-mail I recieved several months ago but mainly compelled by boredom I have spent the last hour and a half translating Snoop Doggy Dogg's seminal hit "G's and Hustlas" into English.
I am by no means suggesting this is the definitive translation. If you have any suggestions or if you notice any mistakes or omissions then please let me know. Perhaps together we can come up with the gold-standard translation of this important historical text.

"Gz And Hustlas"

(Chorus)

This is for the Gz, and this is for the Hustlas
This is for the hustlas, now back to the Gz
Freeze, at ease, now let me drop some more of them keys

I’d like to dedicate this song to those people for whom crime and anti-social behaviour is a way of life and specifically those who enjoy extorting money by deception.
Now please stop what you are doing, relax and let me entertain you with my song.

[Verse 1:]
"It's 19-9-tre so let me just play
it's Snoop Dogg, I'm on the mic, I'm back with Dr. Dre
But this time I'ma hit yo' ass with a touch
To leave motherfuckers in a daze, fucked up
So sit back relax new jacks get smacked
It's Snoop Doggy Dogg I'm at the top of the stack
I don't blank for a second, and I'm still checkin
The dopest motherfucker that ya hearin on the record
it's me, ya see, S-N-double-O-P
D-O-double-G-Y, the D-O-double-G"

It’s 1993 and I want to have some fun. My stage name is ‘Snoop Dogg’ and I’m once again working with my producer, Dr Dre. My new material is much better than my older material and, upon hearing it, you may become visibly confused and/or delerious. Please enjoy my song and, if perchance you have not heard my music before, please be aware that I am far more skilled than others who share my profession. I am particularly sharp and on-the-ball and thus you are unlikely ever to find me lost for words. It would be a mistake to think that anyone else performing on this song is any more competent than me.
If you are confused about how to spell my name, let me help you out. It is spelled thus – S-N-O-O-P-D-O-G-G-Y-D-O-G-G



"I'm fly as a falcon, soarin through the sky
And I'm high till I dizzie, rizzide
So check it, I get busy, I make your head dizzy
I blow up your mouth like I was Dizzy Gillespie
I'm crazy, you can't phase me
I'm the S oh yes, I'm fresh, I don't fuck with the stress
I'm all about the chronic, I’m bionic ya see
Every single day, chillin with the D-O-double-G's
P-O-U-N-D that's my clique, my crew
Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up
I thought ya knew, but yet and still
Ya wanna get real, now it's time to peel, ya say chill
and feel, the motherfuckin realism
Snoop Doggy Dogg is on the mic i'm hittin hard as steel nigga"

At the moment my career is going particularly well, in fact, in this respect, I could be compared (metaphorically) to a bird of prey in flight. I am likely to remain in such a position of prestige until I pass on.
Whilst listening to me perform it is likely that you will lose the ability to control your balance and, bizarrely, you may lose control over the muscles in your cheeks such that you involuntarily take on the appearance of a professional trumpet player.
My behaviour is unpredictable yet it will still be impossible for you to outsmart me, in fact, my personality is generally made up of desirable traits. Marijuana is an important part of my life and I may actually be some kind of robot.
Every day I enjoy the company of my friends and we like to refer to ourselves collectively as the ‘dogg pound’. If you attempt to get the better of us or embarrass us in any way then it is likely that you will come to some harm - is this not obvious? Clearly not, as you are still not showing us our due respect. However, your bravado soon disappears when we come face to face.

[Chorus]

[Verse Two:]
"How many hoes in your motherfuckin group
Wanna take a ride in my 7-8 Coupe, DeVille
Chill, as i take you on a trip
where them niggaz ride, and slide, you know about the East Side
Niggaz like myself, here to show you where it's at
With my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back
Papers I stack daily, and Death Row is still the label that pays me
but you know how that goes
We flow toe for toe, if you ain't on the Row
Fuck you and your hoe, really though, so check it"

I would now like to imply that the female acquaintances of you and your friends would much rather spend their time being driven around in my expensive car than socialise with you.
I’ll take you to my home in the east side of Los Angeles where you will see that my friends are particularly skilful when it comes to handling a motor vehicle.
You should model yourself on men like me as women want to be near me, I possess some firearm paraphernalia and large amounts of money come into my possession every day. Most of this money is courtesy of my employers ‘Death Row Records’. My employers and I are very close and if you are not also an employee of ‘Death Row Records’ then I have respect neither for you nor your girlfriend/wife.



"It’s Snoop Doggy Dogg on the solo tip
Still clockin grip, and really don't give a sheeit
about nuttin at all, just my Doggs, steppin through the fog
and i'm still gonna fade em all
With the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin
How many hoes in ninety-four will I be bangin?
Every single one, to get the job done
As I dip, skip, flip, right back to two one
Where the sun be shinin and i be ryhmin
It's me, Snoop D-O-double-G, and I'm climbin"

Despite my loyalty to my employers I am still a very independent man. I have my gun and I am not really compelled to concern myself with anything other than my friends, but even amongst them I am visibly superior. Admit that you find my criminal activities fascinating and exciting.
By the end of next year I will not be satisfied that my work is complete unless I have enjoyed sexual intercourse with all of the women of the world.
Let me now return to my neighbourhood where the weather is clement. I like to go here and ponder on words which are phonetically similar. I am definitely moving up in the world.

[Chorus]

[Verse Three:]
"I come creepin through the fog with my saggin Dukes
East Side, Long Beach, in a 7-8 Coupe DeVille
I'm rollin with the G Funk, bumpin in my shit and it don't quit"

As I drive through Los Angeles it is clear for all to see that I am both sartorially and musically cognizant.

"So drop it on the one motherfucker put together that set
A nigga with a grip of that gangsta shit
With the Eastside hoes on my motherfuckin dick
And the Compton niggaz all about to set trip
Swing it back, bring it back, just like this
And if you with my shit, then blaze up another spliff
And keep the motherfuckin blunt in your pocket loc
Cuz Doggy Dogg is all about the zig zag smoke
See it's a West coast thing, where I'm from
And if you want some, get some, bad enough, take some
But watch the gun by my side
Because it represents me and the motherfuckin East Side"

I am generally well respected and feared and I am sexually involved with several women from my neighbourhood.
If you are enjoying my music then please feel free to smoke some marijuana. In fact, it may be an idea if you keep a marijuana cigarette on you at all times. You see, I am really quite partial to administering myself pharmacologically active doses of cannabis plant extracts. Everybody in the west coast of the united states of America (where I reside) has a similar habit. If you have no marijuana left, please, help yourself to mine. But, beware, because I am armed and if you are in any way at odds with the values of my particular community there may be an altercation.

"So bow down to the bow wow, cause bow wow
yippie yo, you can't see my flow
My shit is dope, original, now you know
And can't no hood fuck with Death Rizzow"

You should afford me the same respect as you might a religious icon because I am terribly good at my job. Together myself and my employers are formidable competition and our position of prestige is unlikely to be undermined.

[Chorus]

[Krocktopus]

Yo! G, keep representing.

have you seen ads 4 the 50 cent game, I'd rather be Snoop Dogg.
Snoop Dogg - the game. you'd be able to stroll down the street, sippin on a gin and juice, with your mind on your money and your money on your mind, and then pop a cap in some mo fo's ass and pimp out some bitches, before laying down the dopest rhymes and smoking up the chronic

[LesMTS]

Calvin Broadus Jr is a hero.

[Krocktopus]

Word

[LesMTS]

I want to see that porno Snoop Dogg made. Apparently he doesn't get down with any of the laydeez but just sits in a big throne with a cape on and a cane in his hand watching all the women do eachother, occasionally nodding in approval.
This guy is living the dream, bro.

[petpiranha]

*looks in, shakes head, leaves*

[Krocktopus]

thats probably just a normal day in the Broadus jr household.
im sure it can be found easily online somewhere.

also i thought it was cool that he was on live 8 at tea time and came out with a tirade of obscenities, ha ha ha i laughed thinking of all the sensitive disposition types getting their letters of complaint ready to register their missing of any point made ever. i think the bbc told them top fuck off cuz it was for starving children and they are a bunch of coffin dodging oxygen thieves who can go shove swords up their asses.

[LesMTS]

Calvin Broadus Jr doesn't know how not to swear. Which is a good thing.

[Krocktopus]

yeah man he's like the Shaft of hip-hop.
I believe i share my birthday with Mr Dogg. I think thats about all we would have in common.
Here's some Snoop facts:

His mother nicknamed him "Snoop" because of the way he looked.

Snoop's 1993 release, Doggystyle, became the first debut album to enter the charts at number one.

He would spend three years in prison before rap music gave him a way to escape a life of crime.

He toured with Lollapalooza in 1997.

Snoop is a daddy: two boys and one girl.

Foot size: 10 in Converse All Stars, 11 in regular shoes and 12 in dress shoes.

dunno how he's got different sized feet for different shoes though.

[LesMTS]

More Snoop Doggy Dogg facts;
"Snoop Dogg is the most "well-connected" rapper of all time based on a study of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. This is counted from the album sales and the collaborations made so far."
I'm glad to hear MIT are using their research grants wisely for the benefit of all mankind.

[LesMTS]

I got the essay back. I passed, but not very well. Oh well, I'll remember not to create utter wastes of time like this next time...

[petpiranha]

Smeghead.

[Frankie LiDeo]

The resulting mark mightn't be quite what you'd hoped for, but now some people 'off the internet' think you're cool. Back of the net.

[Addy]

Heh, funny stuff!

Right now this is the best forum on the site. Which either means its ultra brilliant or the rest of the site is not so good. Either way its not entirely positive considering Altnation is just a holding company for the MTS forum!

[Frankie LiDeo]

Agreed.