Amazing!

[Stu]

Awesome, me and Scruff outside my old flat, I like this picture:

[Stu]

The good version of Minus3 in action, pre-Posh:

[System_Star]

those pics do not compute

added you to LJ

[Stu]

Here's a picture of Posh. It was taken by Woolies and has got absolutely nothing to do with Minus3, but I figured he might feel left out so I'm posting it anyway. For argument's sake, let's pretend this is a picture of Posh at a Minus3 gig, watching the band and saying to himself "fuckin' hell, I need to play guitar for this band!"...



No, I have no idea why one of his armpits is so hairy.

[Stu]

Originally Posted by System_Star

those pics do not compute

Heheh... this is just the shit I have on my PC in work, between me and Cuff we've got way worse than this...

[Stu]

Ah, shite... this is a kick in the baws. I wanted to do this song at the Barfly gig, but I can't remember the words... the only reason I'm going through this old stuff was to find this page, but it's useless...



That's fuckin typical of that lazy bastard... me.

[Stu]

...and this is even more fuckin' typical. I couldn't find the lyrics to the songs we actually play, but I can find the lyrics to a song we've never played... this was supposed to be our 'Cheap Trick-esque' song, Posh would've loved this one if we ever played it... we made 'Time After Time' our catchy pop song instead.

KING SEKONDA
(Music & Lyrics By Stu)

Know it nothing know-it all, that always knows he’s right
Sarcastic genius wit, he’ll aways win the fight
He’s a hero just like Superman, high up in the air
Lookin’ down on all the losers, cos he doesn’t need to care

Paper mache style, with a Tony Blair smile
The greatest guy to ever do nothing worthwhile
He’s always on top, though he thinks he’s versatile,
One bounce or two, that’s your choice so run a mile

And you know... there he goes!

(Chorus)
And he... takes, takes, takes, he just never gives away
And he’s a snake, snake, snake, but he’s never a cliché
Although he’s fake, fake, fake, you know he’s sure to overplay
So it’s a big mistake, if you’re getting in his way
King Sekonda, so good to see ya,
King Sekonda, we all wanna be ya!

Dressed head to toe in the latest, and he glows
But squint your eyes, tilt your head, just another puppet show
It makes you really wonder, what’s he like behind closed doors?
Maybe the only thing he’s sure of, if you’re blind he’s gonna score

He’ll set himself down, and stay here for a while
He thinks he’s really clever when you listen to his bile,
He’ll make you believe he’s got them lining single-file,
But he’s too much of a good thing, so they always run a mile

And you know... there he goes!

(Chorus)
And he... takes, takes, takes, he just never gives away
And he’s a snake, snake, snake, but he’s never a cliché
Although he’s fake, fake, fake, you know he’s sure to overplay
So it’s a big mistake, if you’re getting in his way
King Sekonda, so good to see ya,
King Sekonda, we all wanna be ya

Well, y’know, I guess we’re feelin’ sorry,
That’s why we always let him stay
It might help, if someone could tell him,
It might help, if he just knew another way.. yeah!

And there he go-whoas!

(Chorus)

And he takes, takes, takes, he just never gives away
And he’s a snake, snake, snake, but he’s never a cliché
Although he’s fake, fake, fake, you know he’s sure to overplay
So it’s a big mistake, if you’re getting in his way
King Sekonda, don’t wanna see ya,
King Sekonda, who’d wanna be ya?

King Sekonda, don’t wanna see ya,
King Sekonda, who’d wanna be ya?"

[Stu]

Sweet... here's my old bio. Most of this is true:

"Born April 18th 1977, Stuart 'Stu' Copland is the man responsible for MiNUS3's unique pop-metal-punk guitar sound, with his own particular brand of rifftastic rock n' roll - created completely by accident because he doesn't know what the dials do on the amp. Or how to tune the guitar. Or how to even play the guitar.

Stu, co-founder (along with ex-frontman Meech) and only remaining original member of MiNUS3, has often been described as a man of many personalities, with tremendous moodswings that have him smashing and breaking one minute, and hugging and laughing the next. However, it's the cast of characters that have made up Stu's personalities which frightens the most...

Born into a family of gypsies, Stu's parents disowned him at a very early age, in fact only hours after his birth he was ditched in the woods behind a hospital in Moodiesburn, near Glasgow. It was here he found his first real family, a herd of donkeys which had no reason to be there other than that they fit the lunacy of this story. They nurtured him through most of his pre-teen childhood, teaching him the ways of the donkey... for example, the unusual habit of cranking a toley wherever feels right. He inherited the name 'Donkey Stu' from those years.

Although he loved his donkey parents, Stu felt it was time to get out in to the real world, but it all went horribly wrong. He changed his name to just plain old 'Stuart', and found himself go through his earlier years of education as quite the natural genius. A right teachers pet. God, I hated that guy. It looked like he would be able to pull himself up from the muck he was born into, and go on to be quite a success as a rocket scientist or something. Until he started to realise that you couldn't get through life being naturally clever, and that to really succeed, he'd have to actually think and do stuff.

A brief stint as Jimmy Hill followed, but that didn't last too long because he realised that being Jimmy Hill was a bit crap, actually.

He went back to education, by this time he had turned to the dark side... the hair was longer, the music was heavier... this was a difficult time, in only a couple of short years his personality had went through such characters as 'Copland ya wank', 'skateboard freak', and 'speccy hippy'. Skateboard freak was one of his most confused personalities, as he didn't even own a skateboard.

He fell into the bad side of this phase... he hit rock bottom through living most of his mid-late teens in and out of a padded cell, mostly because he insisted he was actually Johnny Ramone. This came to a cruel end one night in local club The Rat-Trap, were legendary Motorhead frontman Lemmy told him the reasons why he couldn't be Johnny Ramone. "Johnny Ramone isn't a fat spotty speccy prick" Lemmy said. Stu was out in the cold, he had to find a new identity of his own.

By this time, there was much talk between himself and Meech of starting a band, and Lord Stoobie Bahookie #1 Riffmeister was born, with the chant of 'I am the RIFFMEISTER' spoiling the chorus of every song played in rehersal. It was only the threat of being kicked in the chubby checkers that could end this madness, and Stu eventually calmed down to plain old Stu again.

MiNUS3 began. Meech had so many great ideas and great songs to share with the world. But he needed a gimmick. "The band with the world's worst guitarist" was that gimmick. And Stu was just the man to play the part.

After disappearing up his own arse (and on the internet) for about a year under the guise of Quake III: Arena champion 'Sturok BG*D', Stu is now fully committed to MiNUS3, as both co-lead vocalist, guitarist, and one of the main sources of new material for MiNUS3 to play.

One day, he'll probably just be "fully committed".

[Stu]

... and here's Cuffs. It's a shame I don't have the 'Masked Pimp' photo anymore, it was funny. Maybe Cuff has it.

"John Cuthbert, or 'Cuff' as he is known to those who don't call him John, has a background shrouded in mistery. Not much is known about him from before that fateful night where he met MiNUS3 co-founder Meech at a Bruce Dickinson gig at the Glasgow Garage, way back in 1994. It is believed that for the former part of his life Cuff was the head honcho of an illegal porno trade, dealing his wares to any unsuspecting visitors to his home in Bearsden, and although there has never been any evidence to prove this (apart from the fact he still does it if you ask him nicely), the infamous story of the 'Julie butt' is still to this day carried down from generation to generation, the facts of the story now shrouded in mystery and myth. After finally finding himself 'a burd', Cuff cleaned up his act and went on to become a wholesome family favorite in the World Wrestling Federation as 'The Masked Pimp'. An unhealthy addiction to 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin put a premature ending to his wrestling career, since Steve Austin had to make it law that the Pimp had to stay more that 300 miles away from him, in Austin's own words, "Get that f***in' psycho away from me... AWAY!!! GET HIM AWAY!! HE'S TOUCHING ME IN MY SPECIAL AREA AGAIN!!!".

Confused and directionless, Cuff spent the next few years floating about aimlessly, taking part time work peeling potatos for old people and getting an 'education' in some kind of music course, also known as 'skiving'. Until MiNUS3 came along. Cuff had previously played bass for earlier pre-MiNUS3 incarnations of the band, but since MiNUS3 had now switched Meech from guitar to bass, he was brought in as the second guitarist, mainly because 'Stu is shite', plain and simple. And damn, he was good.

Cuff, who switched back to bass after the departure of Meech, also shares the lead vocal position with Stu, and is a major contributer to MiNUS3's material. He's also one of the friendliest people you'll ever meet - unless he really, really needs to kick your teeth in - and is considerably more family-friendly since his days as a porn-dealing wrestler. And he can recite the lyrics to every Manowar song ever written... with both mighty broadswords tied behind his back!

His hope for the future is to "spank the plank" rather than "bite the dust", which is an attitude which inspires all who come near him and are called Stu Copland."

[Stu]

Ahahaha! The old "Ask Stu" section. I forgot about this. This was just after the "real" Minus3 were born, we had just bought minusthree.com and we had nothing better to put on it. Diane Wotherspoon is in this!!! I love Diane Wotherspoon.

"Ask Stu!" - 6th May, 2002

Welcome to the first official MiNUS3 "Ask Stu" session... the internet's latest and greatest question and answer session! This section of the site is intented for the good of you, the reader, as MiNUS3 let their resident Jedi master , Stu Copland, off the leash long enough to answer all your questions about MiNUS3, being in a band, breeding chickens, dating older women, hugging snakes... or whatever else in life you'd like to know more about!

If you have an important question you'd like to hear Stu's thoughs on, feel free to email him at stu@minusthree.com... as Stu is very busy, only life-threatening emails or the offer of more pornography will result in a personal reply, otherwise look out for the next Ask Stu! Q&A session - your answer might be there! Onto the letters...

---

"I have a question for you, Stu... do you actually have a clue how to design and build a website? Seriously, man... this thing is as bad as your guitar playing. It's like a 4-year-old put it together. Where did you learn this stuff, the 'I'm An Idiot And I Don't Have A Clue How To Build A Website' School of Bad Websites? Is it ever going to be better, or will it stay as shite forever? And what's with you always talking about yourself in 3rd-person on here? Are you insane?" Stu Copland, Glasgow

Stu Says: "Well, Stu, my obviously schitzophrenic friend... if you would spend more time actually being bothered to learn new things, instead of playing videogames and drinking beer with your friends all the time, then I might be able to do a better job of not only the site, but most other things in life. It seems to me that quality is an issue to you - might I recommend you take a good, hard look around you right now, and see the condition of not only your home, your clothes, and your possesions, but the condition of yourself too, before thinking you have the right to criticise everyone else thoughtlessly. It's not very nice to attack people's hard work for no good reason, and don't think the internet makes you anonymous... next time I see you in the mirror, I'm going to punch your f***ing head off. Right off. You'll be called 'Stoobie Nae Heid'... 'cos your head will be rolling around on the floor. You have been warned."

----

"Hi, Stu. I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to know, how can you guys keep it going for so long, even though you have an obvious lack of talent, and can't keep the same line-up for more than five minutes? I was the main songwriting force in this fantastic barbershop quintet back in the early 90's called 'Take That', and we were not only unbelievably talented, but extremely good looking, too! But for some reason, our careers didn't last long, no matter how good we were... and now I couldn't get a job as a busker on Argyle Street on a Saturday night. What gives? What's the secret? Also, I'd like to know what your opinion is on failed boy-band stars taking their frustrations out by posing as German rock stars on the guestbooks of punk rock bands across Scotland... is that bad?" Gary Barlow, Glasgow

---

Stu Says: "The secret is boredom. A wise man once said, 'Boredom breeds motivation... as long as you act upon it quick enough'... and I couldn't agree more. Boredom makes being in this little punk rock band seem like the most amazing thing in the world, and continued boredom creates the desire to make this little punk rock band damn GOOD. You see how Robbie Williams solo career took off as soon as he stopped taking drugs? That's because, as soon as he was sober, he was BORED. And before he knew it, he was a star. Amazing! In your case, I recommend cutting back on posing as a German rock star on other people's guestbooks... as soon as you don't have that outlet to spend your time, you'll get just as bored as your old friend Robbie; and as an added bonus, WE won't have anything to read on our guestbook, making US bored too! It's a win-win situation, and I hope to see you co-headlining the Reading festival with us next year... good luck!"

---

"Hi, Stu... I LOVE YOU! And I love CUFF!!! And I love Jamie!!! And me and my friend ZOE!!! wud lik very much to HAVE SEX with all of u and MAKE BABIES!!! We LOVE all U and we dream about u every night and ALWAYS buy smash hits to SEE YOU in it and dream about you all!!! We came to see u play in glasgow last November and you were all sooooo good we had to have SEX!! all the way home... But we don't love smelly MEECH anymore cos hes not in MINUS3 like you sexy SEXY guys... and what me and ZOE!!! want to know is WILL YOU ALL HAVE SEX with me and ZOE!!! because me and ZOE!!! love you all the most instead of those popstars people... they are ugly compared to MINUS3 SEX GODS!!! Please please please please please will u have sex with me and ZOE!!! Diane Wotherspoon, Birmingham

Stu Says: "Well, as the old saying goes... 'My name is Stu, and I am the guitarist in MiNUS3. If you would like to have sex with me, please feel free to ask!'. But, in this case, I'll have to sweep the saying aside, as both you and your delightful friend Zoe are still minors, and we do not wish at this stage to break the law. I'm really sorry to break your little hearts like that, because we appreciate the adoration of our female fans most of all. Unfortunately, you're both too young, so it's just not possible. Perhaps next year!

Cuff would very much like to smell your panties, though, if you wouldn't mind sending them."

---

"Hi Stu, I'd just like to know, are you guys serious, or is this whole 'MiNUS3' thing just one big joke? I've been reading your site and listening to some of your songs, and whilst some of it sounds very serious, some of it just doesn't make any sense, or is downright stupid. What's the actual intention of the band?" Andrew V. BigRecordCompanyA&RManLookingForBandsToSign, Columbia Records.

Stu Says: "A very, very good question. Let it be known that MiNUS3 are every bit as serious as any other band. We are determined to be completely succesful in bringing our brand of pop-metal-punkin' rock n' roll to the masses, and we'd like to think we really do have something to say. However, you have picked up on the fact that we like our humour; there's no real explanation for that fact, perhaps we've all watched Monty Python's 'Life Of Brian' one too many times. It's fair to say, though, that although our website seems to have a 75/25 ratio in favour of complete nonsense, we have much more 'serious' music than that, at perhaps a 25/75 ratio. What I do with the site, though, is every time I'm uploading a page with something that's meant to be stupid on it, I say the words "I Am Uploading Something Stupid Now" out loud, and vice-versa for serious pages. Do you honestly expect ME to take the blame if you can't hear me when I say it? That's hardly fair, is it? Try listenining harder next time...

Anyway, we don't like bands who are miserable all the time, and as deep as any our lyrics can get, we'd like people to know that it's not all bad, and that they should just be a little light-hearted sometime. Laughter makes the world go round!"

---

"Hi Stu, can I... *ahem*... 'borrow' Jamie? I'd like him to play drums in my new band." Iain McMeechan, Glasgow

Stu Says: "No, you can not. Well, maybe... no, actually. Forget that. You most definately can not. And I don't care how great your old band were, you're still not having him."

---

"This edition of 'Ask Stu!' - the official MiNUS3 Q&A page was brought to you today by mostly sitting, snacking, and smoking the odd cigarette. Thanks for your letters, reading them is the highlight of my day... and I hope you have many, many more mind-bendingly simple questions to ask me in the future. Cheers!" - Stu, 6th May 2002."

[Stu]

dating older women

Oh, dear God. I should probably stop this nostalgia trip now...

[`Annihilator]

Haha, the fake radio interview was brilliant

S: …shut up, look at him sitting there going like ‘oh, Stu can play guitar and I can’t’, it’s making me sick…

lmao

[Stu]

Ha... it was better than the real interview we done, which was more like this:

Vic: So guys, what do you think about (whatever subject)?

Stu: Eh... ah... um... basically... eh... um... yeah. Basically... ah... eh... basically... yeah.

Cuff: Why the fuck did we bring him on with us? Who the fuck gave this idiot a microphone? *kills Stu*

[Cuff Daddy]

Just wait till tomorrow when i bring more pic in... ive got some crackers

[MarkMono]

I was heartily enjoying the joy of the accumulated bollocks any band worth their salt collect after going through a few line-ups and websites when I spied The song '101 Damnations'

Surely you can't be unaware that this is the name of the mighty Carter USMs debut album and possibly one of the greatest albums ever recorded in a garage.

'Splain yerself.