Amazing!

[Stu]

Turns out that the shitty guestbook we used to have on the old Minus3 site still works... check it out, there's some really funny shit on there. Anyone remember 'Diane Wotherspoon'? Hahaha... I forgot all about 'her', I've even got pages saved on my PC from the really old versions of the Minus3 site with Diane Wotherspoon on it... I'll need to post some of that rubbish here, it was funny.

The guestbook : http://mars.guestworld.com/wgb/wgbvi...r=minusthr33_1
Funniest moments are when Barlow is posting funny shit under fake names (especially the ones with the pictures), the thousands upon thousands of 'internet ho's' Jamie seemed to attract, and that time I was getting death threats made against me.

Actually, that last one wasn't so funny...

EDIT: Oops, wrong link, fixed it now.

[Stu]

The 'Fan Diary', submitted by 'Diane Wotherspoon'... this was way back before when Meech was in the band and we only played punk...

"Live @ Fury Murys, 15th November 2001

(Review by Diane Wotherspoon, Birmingham)

As we neared the concert, Zoe and I already felt the butterflies in our stomachs at the thought of seeing Minus 3 in the flesh. Nights spent looking at my poster of Cuff that my Mom bought me for my birthday. Days spent in my room playing "The People In HMV (Think I'm Shoplifting)". Many school essays chronicling the fantastic adventures of what the band might get up to in my youthful imagination. Tonight I was actually going to see them.

"Did you bring my camera?" Zoe asked. " It's right here." I said, also checking I had packed the spare film and batteries. We caught each other's eyes and sensed the thrill we both shared.

"He looks like Jamie..." Zoe exclaimed. "What?" .. "Bobby. From our maths class. He looks like Jamie from MiNUS3!" I thought about Bobby's rugged good looks and trendy purple hair. Maybe he did resemble the Ozzy rogue we have all come to love. I drifted slowly into dreams of marrying Bobby and Stu Copland objecting at the last minute and sweeping me away to his secluded Yorkshire Mansion. I snapped back into consciousness when we pulled up at Glasgow Central Station.

Everything I touched in the city, everywhere I walked. I couldn't shake the awe and wonderment that filled me, knowing that each Glasweigian door handle, every Scotch traffic light button, every Jock gutter*, may have been touched by them.

At the door of Fury Murry's we were scanned up and down by a hairy bouncer with bad breath who kept asking us to 'wear yes bean the nicht' . I told him I didn't even know what a 'yes bean' was, let alone have known that I was supposed to have been wearing one. He shook his head and let us through anyway. One of the boys in the cloakroom queue told us that 'yes bean' is the scrotum of the haggis and is traditionally worn by Scots at concerts. At least we'll know for next time.

Minus 3 came on the stage** and filled the room with loud guitars, banging drums and showed everyone the meaning of "Pop from a Metal perspective". I was joined on the dance floor by most of the crowd and I took countless pictures of Cuff's huge frame manipulating the tiny guitar, making powerful grunts at just the right places. I almost fainted at one point, but was brought back to life by the drilling melody of "Think too much".

"Quick !!!" extorted Zoe. He's about to do it !!"

I turned, and saw the unmistakable Stu thrusting himself in the air like an angel. Both legs kicking wide, while sustaining the most beautiful melodic guitar playing. Like a GOD, I thought. The pictures I took will carry me forever. I gave Zoe the camera and she pushed her way through the hoards of fans and was able to take 3 or 4 shots of Jamie.

"Get him from the left!!!" I screamed. I read in Smash Hits magazine that Jamie's favourite side was his left. We didn't want to upset the most gorgeous purple lover since Prince, did we?

They finished with 'Down under', a cover of the famous 80's song by 'Men At Work' (Err... no we didn't, Chris! - Stu). MiNUS3 have indelibly imprinted their own style on their version.

The band stopped playing and the lights dimmed. We screamed for more. But to no avail. I turned to grab Zoe and we immediately ran to the door to get the best autograph opportunity as we had agreed we would do. They were big. I mean, I imagined them big, but they were huge.

Cuff spotted us right away, and gave the nod to the security to let us through. The burly security men who were about to push us away, now stood back and guided us towards our idols. Zoe and I could barely utter anything apart from "you guys are great!!! tee he tee he!" We stood giggling like the schoolgirls we were while Stu took the autograph books from us and passed them around the band. He could see we were too starstruck to be pushy, so did the honours for us. A small stout, intelligent looking man called Matt shouted.

"Alright, boys, you were f***in' wonderful tonight. Let's hit the road for the London gig.."

They picked up their guitars and said they had to go. Zoe and I left soon after for Central station and boarded our overnight train which would take us home to Birmingham. We both sat, facing each other, not saying a word. We each knew the other was gathering her memories while they were fresh in her mind.

I will never forget that night for the rest of my life.

Diane Wotherspoon, Age 15

* or lay in
** small corner of club with seats."

Genius... I miss Diane Wotherspoon...

[Stu]

Heheh... our fake "radio interview"... this is considerably funnier than when we were actually were on the radio, a couple of years later... we must have got boring. The funny thing is, loads of people asked if this was real...

"Radio Interview, "Rock Scene" show (Clyde 1), aired Tuesday 10th April 2001

RS – Rock Scene

C – Cuff

S – Stu

M – Meech

(Jamie couldn’t make it, we wouldn’t give him bus fare)

RS : "Hi, and welcome back to Rock Scene. You’ve just heard a track from local band Leadfoot’s latest demo, ‘Big Banana Foot’, and I’m sure you’ll agree there’s a band destined for great things. I have with me in the studio here today another band who I’ll have to say have a bright future ahead of them. John, Stu and Iain from Glasgow punk band MiNUS3… Hello, welcome to the studio, how are you?"

S : Hi, I’m fine, thanks!

M : Hello, and it has to be said, your greeting just doesn’t have the right tone about it at all, maybe it’s these useless mic’s but it’s lacking resonance, I understand that maybe you just can’t say hello as well as I can, I mean, it’s a talent I was born with, something I got from my mother. I’ve always being really good at saying hello, since I was born, and it’s not something you can learn or even improve on, some people just can’t do it.

C : Any burds oot there want tae check ma dobber?

RS : Ermmm… OK. So, what are you guys up to at the moment? From what I hear, there’s some big changes happening with you guys just now.

C : Yeah, Jamie’s in now. He’s from Australia! C’mon sook ma dook!!!

S : His mam was Bea Smith… she was top dog, you know !!!

RS : Um… is that some kind of metaphor for saying he’s good?

S : No. Maybe. I don’t know, I’ve forgotten. I was having a little daydream about tipping cows over. I think I might do that when I get home.

RS : (laughs) … OK …so how’s it going with him?

C : Good, really good. We’ve never been tighter. ..

S : Actually, on average, we used to be… Dave was the tightest man we’ve ever met, would make you buy HIM a beer on your own birthday night out…

C : He bought me a beer once.

S : He loves you, man.

M : Jamie’s really good, he plays the songs more like the way I wanted them played in the first place, but it’s just not quite right yet. He doesn’t keep time as well as me, you see, so he’s got no way of working out what song I’m playing in my head while the rest of the band are playing something else… it’s really annoying actually… the more I think about it, I just really wish the rest of this band could hear the song in my head and play along to that, instead of playing the song properly. I suppose we can’t all hear the songs in my head… that’s just something I was born with, something I got from my mother I think, she could always hear the songs in her head… I guess if it doesn’t come naturally, you’ll never hear the songs in my head, you’ve either got it or you don’t, and I’ve got it.

S : I hear the sweet, sweet voice of Freddie Mercury in my head. It’s almost like he’s whispering in my ears as I sleep…

C : Haha fruit!

RS : Yeah… that’s… um… great. So, you got any new material on the way?

C : Me and Stu are starting to get more of a hand in the writing process, but mostly just now we’re trying to perfect the guitars… I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to work out a way to have my guitar playing AND Stu’s playing at the same time, without having Stu’s lack of talent mess the whole sound up.

S : Yeah, I suck so badly it’s still funny. I’ve taken to breaking guitar strings for 3 hours in rehearsal now, there’s no point in me actually playing. I truly do not have a clue how to play.

RS : (laughs) Now come on Stu, I’ve heard you guys play live… you’re one of the better punk guitarists I’ve seen in a long time, most just can’t keep up with what you can do with a powerchord.

S : What? What did you say? Watch your mouth… that’s fighting talk.

RS : (laughs) You guys crack me up…

M : I’m the funny one in the band, the problem with everyone else is they just don’t have the delivery. They don’t hear the joke the way I do, so they can’t possibly tell it like I can. I don’t know, I think maybe these mic’s are messed up today, because what I’m saying just doesn’t sound all that funny today, but if you had some good mic’s you’d be in stitches. I don’t know why I’m so funny, maybe just something I was born with… I got it from my mother I think. My mum was always funny, so I guess it just came naturally to me. It’s quite difficult, actually… being so funny when everyone else is obviously not.

S : (mumbling) calling me a guitarist, bloody cheek…

C : Show’s yer muff, hen!

RS : Huh? I’m a guy…

C : Show’s yer pie anyway!

RS : Um… next question I think. So what do you think the next step in the Glasgow rock scene is going to be? There’s been a nasty trend of ‘trendiness’ in the scene ever since the Deftones broke big, do you see any more bands breaking off from that style and just becoming themselves for a change, or are you guys a one-off?

S : I’m not answering that. You deserve a slap for what you said.

C : We rock, everyone else sucks the boab. I want to ask you a question now.

RS : A bit out of the ordinary, but on you go.

S : Do you think you’re the big man telling folk like me that they can play? Do you think that’s funny? Answer me, bitch! I’m not standing for this shit…

C : No, no, no, don’t listen to him, here’s the question…

S: …shut up, look at him sitting there going like ‘oh, Stu can play guitar and I can’t’, it’s making me sick…

RS : Calm down, mate!

S : … what, you think I’m angry? You think I need to relax? Up yours. I’m not taking this shit. I’m outta here. I’ve got better things to do…

(sound of chairs being knocked over, a couple of crashes and bangs, a door slamming as Stu mumbles to himself on the way out)

RS : Geez… what’s his problem?

C : Do you wear a wig?

RS : What?

C : Do you wear a wig?

RS : (laughs) No!

C : You look like you wear a wig.

RS : That’s not a very nice thing to say.

C : Did you get that wig from your mam?

RS : What? My mam?

C : You look like a fruit.

RS : OK… I think it’s time to call it a day… we’ll wrap this up with a classic track from MiNUS3’s first demo, ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better’… this one’s called ‘Bleed’. Thanks for coming along guys, I’m really sure we’ll do it again.

M : The problem with this interview is that I’m not asking the questions as well as answering them… I’m such a good interviewer compared to you, and nobody’s as good at answering questions as me, so you should all just go away and leave me to talk to myself. I guess I’m just a natural at this, my mum was always talking to herself so I guess that’s where I got it from. You’ve either got it or you don’t, and nobody but me has got it…. (click)

(Bleed intro plays)"

[Stu]

Mwuhahaha... Dave Cowarse's Biography, from when Dave Cowarse was in the band...

"Not a lot of people know this, but Mr Potato Head Man originated from, believe it or not, Bridge Of Weir, a little field not far from Glasgow. Absolutely true. It wasn't long after he was born that Mr Potato Head's parents realised that their unusually deformed potato of a son could actually make a good bundle of cash for them. Famous since the day he could walk (or at least, the day he was big enough for his feet attachments), Mr Potato Head Man was a huge toy phenomenon, the pinnacle of his success to come when Disney announced a guest appearance in the movie "Toy Story"... Mr Potato Head looked like he had the everything a spud could ever need... until it was revealled that the Toy Story movie was to be an animated movie, not live-action, and his skills were not required, being replaced with a whole bunch of pixels and light sourcing and suchlike... and with Disney's money behind the computer generated version of Mr Potato head, it looked like his career was over.

His whole life in pieces, he moved back to his home in Bridge Of Weir, and to try and hide his failed past changed his name to 'David Laird' and attempted a career change from children's toy to town drunk. He always loved his beer, even back in the early days, so 'Dave' had thought this move would be an easy one, and in no time at all became a raging alchoholic, having beer for breakfast, brunch, lunch, post-lunch, dinner, supper, midnight snack... he even invented a meal between breakfast and brunch, just especially to crack open a tinny in.

But disaster struck again... much to his dismay, no matter how much alchohol he consumed, he found that there was always someone else even more wasted than him... an unfortunate drawback of living in Bridge Of Weir, alchoholism being the only thing to turn to in such a boring place... in a desperate attempt to become an individual, he found himself being just another face in the crowd. There was no career for him here.

Until one day, in utter desperation, Dave ripped off one of his detachable arms and began hitting a wall with it... and discovered he actually quite liked it. Salvation!!! Thanks to his detachable arms, he found a new reason for living... playing the drums!!! Even in his intoxicated state, Dave found he was actually pretty damned good at it, and joined local band Trench, mainly to keep his links with the 'boozing' scene, and also to take his new talent out to the people. He was an instant success, effortlessly winning back the love and respect of all those who had forgotten him before...

Which started to scare him. Scarred for life by his previous rejections, Dave found himself getting worried that fame and fortune would eventually lead to him being dumped in the chip pan once again... he needed a way to stop people going over the top with their idol worship, a reason for people to stay away from him...

That reason was MinusThree... and the rest is history.

[System_Star]

Originally Posted by Polkadot

*sigh* I honestly dont know WHAT happened, or who is to blame... But just cutting off all communications with the people who thought of you as family is real low. I dont mean like "mother", "father" family.... family as in someone that is admired, respected, and *WAS* a great guy to be around online... Just wanted to let you know that alot of us are very hurt and feel rejected... I didnt want to do this on yer band site... but I was desperate to get this off my chest... hope your happy, Sincerely, a hurt & saddened Polkadot/VoodooLady...bye i guess, nice never getting to meet you

That's the most fucked up thing i've ever seen on a guestbook :o

[Stu]

Check these sexy beasts... this was from the first post-Meech pictures, I think, when we actually started taking it a bit more seriously...



Hubba hubba!!!

Now that I think about it, I can't remember if we ever bothered getting band pictures with Posh in them...

[Stu]

That's the most fucked up thing i've ever seen on a guestbook :o

Haha... that's actually quite disturbing, now that I'm reminded of it. I used to play this game online, and met all these other people who played it... then one day I said 'this is fuckin' stupid' and stopped playing. They all came looking for me... it was really scary...

[System_Star]

Posh was moaning last night about how you never bothered to get pics taken with him in them, and how he thinks it's because you're all jealous of his rugged masculinity.

[Stu]

I actually created a whole new site after Posh joined, with pictures of him and everything... it was awesome. Then the disk mysteriously disappeared... I think my flatmate used it to put his CV on it.

[Stu]

I have no idea what this picture was all about...

[Stu]

This is a pic of Minus3 back in 2000 without me in it... actually, I dare someone to try making a family tree thing... even I can't remember who'd been in the band before me/Cuff/Jamie (and eventually Posh) started making some kind of impression...

[Stu]

Here's a pic of Dave Cowarse for no reason other than I think it's funny:

[Stu]

A pic of me and Dave Cowarse pretending to do backing vocals on our first demo. I say 'pretending' because back them Minus3 was 100% Meech's "project" (we actually started from scratch in 2002 after Meech quit,we just stole the name, haha), and he wouldn't let us do vocals on "his" CD. Technically, 'Bunch O' Fives' is the first real Minus3 CD, even though there were a couple of others before then... no, you can't hear them, they're awful.



I had awesome hair back then! By awesome, I of course mean 'stupid'.

[Stu]

Here's the first picture we ever took of Jamie Scruff (Australian, resident blagger, awesome drummer) after he joined the band.



Porn 'tache ahoy!

[Stu]

Speaking of the inimitable Mr Meech, here's one of him. This is actually an animated gif... that's right folks, he really is a man of action on stage!

This is actually taken from the first gig we played where we didn't get banned from setting foot into the venue ever again... haha.