Ultraviolet is a gem. Probably the worst film to be released in the past five years, it's an unrelenting barrage of unintentional hilarity.
Star: Milla Jovovich, sleepwalking her way through a trite "angry heroine" role that's had the appellation "science vampire" hastily slapped on top of it to make it appear interesting.
Setting: a grim, authoritarian society. It is the future. There is a vampire plague.
Story: none to speak of.
The piss-poor dialogue, porous plot, and complete absence of any acting whatsoever; these things are wholly unimportant. From the moment bowling-ball-encased ninja vampires drop from a helicopter, through a skyscraper, into a science lab, you're on an 88-minute rollercoaster of "holy fuck, I can't believe this got a release".
What little plot there is makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. The "haemovores", carriers of a disease which confers sharp teeth, super strength, hyper-acute senses and an abruptly truncated lifespan, have been all but wiped out. In desperation they send Violet (Jovovich) to hijack the superweapon which, it is rumoured, will finish them once and for all.
Said weapon, as it turns out, is a viral antigen which has been grown in an annoying child. When said child is atomised, the antigen will … oh, it's not important. Vampires want to shoot the child in the face. Violet, having lost a child of her own, is against this, and promptly absconds with child into a series of set-piece battles culminating in a large explosion. Along the way there's an anti-gravity motorbike, a three-headed monkey, and a fight scene set in a graveyard in which hair plays an important part. Only one of these is made up.
Of the film's many flaws, perhaps the most odious is the fact that the post-production team had just gotten a shiny new editing package, and were really excited about all the filters they had to play with. Consequently, every other scene is nigh-obliterated by soft focus, diffuse glows, and completely unwarranted sepia tinges. The CGI is so prevalent, and so inept, that half of the film feels like a protracted videogame cutscene.
This is perhaps being unfair to videogame cutscenes, which often have reasonable choreography and verisimilitude. These qualities, however, are completely irrelevant in light of the sheer level of awesomeness that
Ultraviolet brings to the table.
Violet has machines attached to her wrists that can provide her with an infinite supply of guns, swords, and guns with swords on the bottom. This is all you really need to know. Oh! And be sure to shout "mooltipass!" at any point in the film where you feel it's appropriate—your fellow cinema-goers will be sure to appreciate it.
It was written and directed by Kurt Wimmer, too.
Equilibrium Kurt Wimmer. There's no excuse.
Ultraviolet is released on the 23rd of June. Rated 15
http://www.sonypictures.com/homevide...let/index.html 
Seriously tho, saw the trailer yesterday. Looks no bad!
