Pirates of the Caribbean

I pretty much walked into this film later than most everyone else on the planet, although I think there is a guy somewhere in deepest darkest Azerbaijan sitting in a mud hut that hasn’t seen this movie yet.

I was sceptical at first as to the validity of a film that is, for all intent and purpose, based on a theme park ride especially one as saccharin as the “Pirates of the Caribbean” from Disney World. Fear not, the pirates in the movie do not burst into song well not as you’d notice anyway and the acting is better than the animatronic puppet name sakes.



Speaking of acting, there is one performance in this movie that outshines, out camps out performs any other and that is the character of Captain Jack Sparrow played by the eternally youthful Johnny Depp. His grand show of flamboyance and quiet madness is fascinating to watch, perhaps not hysterically funny but it will raise smiles throughout the films length. There has never been a pirate like this in the history of cinematic pirates and I’m sure somewhere Errol Flynn or Douglas Fairbanks Jr are spinning in their graves like gas powered turbines. From the moment he steps onto the screen Captain Jack is an unstoppable, if somewhat insane, force of nature that carries you along into his mad little world where you know for a fact the sky isn’t blue.



Orlando Bloom is also very good as the hero of the piece, harbouring (sorry, no pun intended) his secret love for the young and beautiful Miss Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightly) which leads him to go after the eternally cursed pirates of the Black Pearl when they kidnap Miss Swann, mistaking her for the daughter of an ex shipmate and the key to lifting the curse.



Supporting cast, in the shape of Geoffrey Rush, Tom Wilkinson, Jonathan Pryce and Jack Davenport is also of a fine calibre and helps round out the film nicely. From the pompous, career driven Commodore Norrington (Davenport) to the loving if some what befuddled Governor Swann (Pryce), father of Elizabeth, each character is fairly archetypal but handled well with a script sharper than your standard block buster fair.



Pirates of the Caribbean is a fantastically grand swashbuckling affair that is pure escapism for anyone and everyone. Where else in this day and age can you find a film that has pirate gold, a curse, sword fights, high seas adventure and damsels in distress?

[Zenith]

it looks so good, really wanna go see it... hmm i get paid today could be a plan for tomorrow after work.

[Zooropa]

Just home from seeing it, and thought it was fantastic.
I really like the special effects when the deuls were happening, and the characters were moving in and out of the moonlight.

Johnny Depp was amazing in it, really funny in bits.

[Andez]

I've heard nothing but good things about this film, but it really doesn't appeal.

[Ghostsuit]

Go see it trust me I'd be surprised if anyone dislikes this movie.

[Potatojunkie]

More zombie pirates, please. Johnny Depp = teh win.

[Andez]

It just seems (from the trailer) a bit cheesy, but I'll prob go and see it anyway to see what the jazz is.

[anglarna]

Seeing it on Monday night. Ive been to see more movies this summer than ever before in my puff.

[Ghostsuit]

It actually has a very good balance of comedy and action...very well crafted together and never really steps over the line apart from one bit...why oh why the corset comment.

[Semprini]

Arrr. Shiver me timbers, ye scurvy knaves, or I shall carve ye all up with a rusty cutlass.

Fan-fucking-tastic.
Go see it. Now.

[Posh]

Johnny Depp is fantastic, absolutely tremendous, but I fucking hated the rest of the movie. Every moment he's not on-screen I was searching for stray razorblades that may have been dotted around the cinema.

[Ghostsuit]

Originally Posted by EvilRockPosh

Johnny Depp is fantastic, absolutely tremendous, but I fucking hated the rest of the movie. Every moment he's not on-screen I was searching for stray razorblades that may have been dotted around the cinema.

Emo git

[Potatojunkie]

Review, here.

Johnny Depp: The Movie is the best film out right now, by a mile. Go see. More swash is buckled in the first half hour than in the NES game "Pirates!". And "Pirates!" is brilliant. So there.

The plot is actually fairly consistant and not at all stupid. Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom have to steal boat and rescue girlie from ZOMBIE PIRATES. Sure, it's simplistic, but that doesn't matter in the slightest, because this is a film about ZOMBIE PIRATES. No longer must you be tormented by questions like "who would win in a fight between zombies and pirates?" Zombie pirates, ladies and gents. Right here.

If the prospect of ZOMBIE PIRATES hasn't yet lured you off the cinema, the prospect of Johnny Depp bloody well should. He is, quite frankly, astonishing. Make no mistake, it's his film. The Depp-less scenes are diminished by his lack of presence.

Depp's performance highlights the fact that Orlando Bloom cannot and should not act. The fact that he's a talentless muppet, however, is completely insignificant. This is a film about ZOMBIE PIRATES.

Keira Knightley AKA Natalie Portman Only Moreso fares pretty well, and her character is as far removed as possible from the stereotypical 'damsel in distress' role one might expect. She is both capable and self-assured.

The principal characters, then (discounting yer man Bloom), are saucy, intelligent, and pretty to look at. Which is a reasonable summary of the film as a whole. Sets and costumes are absolutely gorgeous. The CGI is inoffensive, responsibly used and very well done. Hard as it would be to make a balls-up out of ZOMBIE-FREAKIN'-PIRATES, it's still nice to see that they don't. Also, there is a monkey, which is a ZOMBIE PIRATE MONKEY. Christ, there's a band name.

It's nice to see a film where the comic relief hasn't been allowed to run unchecked and completly ruin otherwise perfectly good scenes. Do you hear me, Mr. Lucas? Do you? Learn from the nice people. Okay, so it gets slightly out of hand in the last half-hour, and it could be argued that given Johnny Depp's role further comic relief was unnecessary, but I don't care. This is a film about ZOMBIE PIRATES.

Not that there aren't problems, right enough. The fight scenes are rather poorly shot, in that annoying camera-all-over-the-place way that makes it difficult to see what's going on. Some of the dialogue is vile, particularly towards the end. If you've seen the trailer then you've already heard the worst line in the film, so at least you're prepared. The role of Annoying Child* is here played by a parrot, which helps immensely, but it's still uncalled-for. If you're bothered by any of these problems, hovever, I suggest you skim this review paying particular attention to the words in block capitals. Get oot and see it**.










*Jake Lloyd in TPM, that muppet in The Mummy Returns, &c.
**It is not worth sitting through seven minutes of credits to see ten seconds of crappy "ooh, there could be a sequel" fodder. You have been warned.

[Aislinn]

mmmmmm...johnny depp....yummy

mmmmmm...orlando bloom.....yummy

i think ill be going to see this, obviously for the skilled acting and the plot.

[slb99]

seen it already it is a great film good story line it is quiet long but u dont notice it cause the film it acculy good


mind u johnny depp does like he pissed the whole time

l would swear he was pissed if l didnt konw he was acting