| House Of The Dead 2003 US, 2004 UK Review
I know there is a thread on the board with this header but its not exactly a review so here's a little one from me.
House Of The Dead 2003 US, 2004 UK
To be honest theres not a lot you can say about such a movie, from start to finish its an advert for SEGA. All through the movie there is shots from the actual game, as far as the story line goes its all over the place it starts off some guy talking like a dick from a 1950 movie, about how his friends would still be alive if they never came to a rave. It then jumps to the rave which is on an island there is about 20 people at this so called gathering, most of them look like camera crew and key grips who are lost. The acting is really bad not even in a good 80s troma style bad, but a bad porno type of acting. There is even a SEGA banner flying above the stage the 5 yuppys missed the boat and have to charter a fishing boat one of the chicks gets puked on "highlight of the movie" they reach the island and there is no one there just blood soaked shirts and beer which doesn't seem to bother anyone so some of them go to find people. They bump into some "Zombies" which have got glowing red eyes as in LED's I shit you not it looks that cheap, they bum into other people from the party in some little stone house, some people get munched they meet up with some harbor inspector chick and the fisherman guy that brought them to the island, both of which are packing more heat than all weapons in terminator 2. They show the yuppys how to use them and 5 minutes later they are all crack shot's with full combat training and they all know kungfoo. They kill some zombies & some zombies kill them a few not bad head shots, there is actually some gore in this unlike resident evil. Oh amongst all this they find some book and this is the line I kid you not "some dumb chick" Look I found this old book, maybe it can help us. you get the picture, she aint going for an oscar if you know what I meen. It really doesn't get any better I actually took this off my drive 10 minutes after iI watched it. to sum it up there is some gore there is some boobs there is lots of cuts of house of the dead with green blood. that's about it in a nut shell
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I am the wayward son of man.
My fathers have darkened what was the warmest heart the world would have ever known.
Relish in what you have created.
How can flesh be arrogant when it is so easily charred; a lesson need be learned. These blistered hands will come to be the iron fist that bestows true and proper perspective. | 
