[Punk] EP: Gay For Johnny Depp - Blood: The Natural Lubricant

[The Colossus]

In theory alone, I should love this album. Gay for Johnny Depp is a homosexual band. Great, I love homosexuals in bands. They sing about filthy gay sex. Great, I love filthy gay sex. They play screamo cum rocking hardcore. Great, I love screamo and hardcore. They love Johnny Depp. Great, I think Johnny Depp is an OK actor.

Theory is just that, purely theory. Reality eventually creeps the fuck up on you … like a ridiculously large black penis you find attached to a big man named Leroy in your local park’s darkest bushes at midnight. In theory, its gonna be fun and something to brag about later. In reality though, having your anus stretched beyond the width of your average toilet seat is not so appealing.

Gay for Johnny Depp essentially have one trick and they ride it pretty hard over the course of this 14-minute EP. Part dirty full steam ahead rock, part spasticated screamo. It owes a great debt to the San Diego scene (particularly Swing Kids and Antioch...

Click here to read the entire review

[the curiousity]

Originally Posted by Posh

They're called 'Gay For Johnny Depp', describe themselves as 'homocore' and have a record called 'Blood: The Natural Lubricant' and you want the review to be centred less around homosexuality?

Not to mention there's a good two paragraphs there that provide a very accurate description of this band. You probably didn't read it 'cos you were looking for something to start an argument over.

exactly, i think its safe to say neil hit the nail on the head... *cough* about the band, and you can't NOT mention the fact they're gay purely because they let everyone know freely.

if it wasn't for the fact its all a bit of a one chord thing, then it'd work so much better.

they were actually pretty good live, if i was a gay man i would probably have enjoyed it more... mmm, bum.

[Baron Samedi]

the only reason i'm here is to say that's such a fucking awesome name for a band.

[Posh]

Yeah, it'd be a better name if they weren't actually gay though. If you know what I mean.

[Wreakin_Havok]

Originally Posted by the curiousity

and you can't NOT mention the fact they're gay purely because they let everyone know freely.

Never said anything was wrong with reiterating the fact they are gay.

But is there any need for..

Originally Posted by The Colossus

I love homosexuals in bands

Originally Posted by The Colossus

I love filthy gay sex

Originally Posted by The Colossus

like a ridiculously large black penis you find attached to a big man named Leroy in your local park’s darkest bushes at midnight

Wtf does a black guy hiding in the bushes with a massive cock waiting to shag men in the arse have to do with anything?

[The Colossus]

/jest.

[Joe Spinebuster]

Originally Posted by Posh

They're called 'Gay For Johnny Depp', describe themselves as 'homocore' and have a record called 'Blood: The Natural Lubricant' and you want the review to be centred less around homosexuality?

As was mentioned earlier it's a bit hard NOT to mention the band's average sexual preference, since it is (for lack of a better term) rammed down your throat from the instant you even hear the name of this band.
But just because, as poprock said, "they want it to be talked about" doesn't mean that you HAVE to talk about it, ya know? Gimmicks are a load of shit, who cares where you like to stick your bits or what clothes you wear, album reviews exist to tell someone why they should or should not shell-out hard-earned bucks for the MUSIC that these people make.

Originally Posted by Posh

Not to mention there's a good two paragraphs there that provide a very accurate description of this band. You probably didn't read it 'cos you were looking for something to start an argument over.

If I was going to go looking for an argument then I'd probably go find a forum or thread on a subject that I know and care about, so I could present an informed argument on something that matters to me. This blatantly is not one such instance. You appear to have "looking for something to start an argument over" confused with something else.

Wreakin_Havok more or less nailed it in his last post. The whole review smacked of "I'm totally gay and I love bands that are too!!!!11".
Since we all love making wild assumptions around these parts, I'm gonna say you probably just overly defend this matter because you either know the guy who wrote the review, or want to put your bit in on any conversation involving the word "gay" to be seen as "pro-homosexuality" as possible to show how much you love all of God's children equally.

[Mulac]

The question is, do the feelings of the reviewer regarding having their bum blasted off a stranger in a park have a place in a cd review? Answer in my opinion is no. However, this isn't the first shite cd review there's been in the magazine and it won't be the last so it's not worth getting het up about.

[Joe Spinebuster]

Agreed. Wasn't having a major go or anything, just what I personally would and wouldn't like to see in future reviews / articles. No-one HAS to listen to me, my word isn't Gospel or anything. Believe it or not!

[Posh]

Originally Posted by Joe Spinebuster

The whole review smacked of "I'm totally gay and I love bands that are too!!!!11".

It's a negative review, Lev. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe the humour inherent in this piece was rather lost on you.

Originally Posted by Joe Spinebuster

Since we all love making wild assumptions around these parts, I'm gonna say you probably just overly defend this matter because you either know the guy who wrote the review, or want to put your bit in on any conversation involving the word "gay" to be seen as "pro-homosexuality" as possible to show how much you love all of God's children equally.

I don't know The Colossus other than being aware of him as a member of the forum, and I've made homophobic remarks several times during this thread. I don't give a shit about how I'm perceived, especially in regards to homophobia, or I wouldn't refer to my friends, gay or otherwise, as 'dykes' or 'faggots' on a daily basis

No, I'm overly defending this matter because I disagree with you. Nothing more, nothing less. I just think you're talking shit.

[Charlie Parker]

Originally Posted by Joe Spinebuster

Agreed. Wasn't having a major go or anything, just what I personally would and wouldn't like to see in future reviews / articles. No-one HAS to listen to me, my word isn't Gospel or anything. Believe it or not!

Why don't you write some then?

[poprock]

Originally Posted by Joe Spinebuster

… album reviews exist to tell someone why they should or should not shell-out hard-earned bucks for the MUSIC that these people make.

Just an opinion, of course, but I think that’s a pretty narrow–minded way to be perceiving record reviews. They’re meant to entertain as much as inform, especially on a website as frivolous and laid–back as ours. So long as a piece does cover the music, it’s perfectly valid to write about other related matters as well.

In these days of music’s ridiculously widespread availability via the internet, my preference as an editor is for writing which engages and entertains. I sincerely believe that people’s buying choices can be much better informed by following the links at the end of a review and checking out the music for themselves.

[Charlie Parker]

Hooray!

[Posh]

Yeah. I don't give a shit about this band. They're awful. I did, however, find this review very amusing and entertaining. It's the same reason why I read those Lester Bangs anthologies where he's talking about fuckin' Foghat albums and shit. It's the quality of the writing that impresses. I don't need someone to hold my hand and tell me whether or not to buy an album I haven't heard.

[Joe Spinebuster]

Originally Posted by Posh

It's a negative review, Lev. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe the humour inherent in this piece was rather lost on you.

It's pretty hard to tell the reviewer's allegedly negative opinion of the music... Which is what I would reckon is supposed to be the heart and soul of a review about a collection of music record by musicians... When the majority of the review is positively upbeat rantings along the lines of "how can you not have unreasonably high expectations for a band that calls their record Blood: The Natural Lubricant (An Apocalyptic Adventure Beyond Sodom And Gomorrah)?!".
The "humour"... If you could call it that... Isn't really lost on me. I read the first few lines and found it all rather entertaining, but there should probably come a time to a draw a line between this "humour" and actually reviewing the record, you not think?

Originally Posted by Charlie Parker

Why don't you write some then?

Can't be bothered, and I probably wouldn't be much better? At no point did I say I'm actually any good at writing reviews myself, but that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on someone else's review anyway. Similar to how you spout your opinions on music all over this place, yet you're not in a band, you know?

Originally Posted by poprock

Just an opinion, of course, but I think that’s a pretty narrow–minded way to be perceiving record reviews. They’re meant to entertain as much as inform, especially on a website as frivolous and laid–back as ours.

Personally, I'd say that's an overly broad-minded opinion on "record reviews"... As in, reviews about records. Sure, a little blabbering here and there is fun to read, but having the majority of your piece rant on about homosexuality with very minimal music review content seems to miss the point in my opinion.

Like I said earlier, though, I don't really care... This isn't mad important to me or anything! I barely ever read the reviews or anything on here, I just so happened to be browsing around, clicked on this one, and after reading it posted an offhand suggestion. I'm not saying "re-consider the way you live you lives!!!" or anything, chill out people.
Regardless, I'm now in the brace position for a slew of "OMG HOW DARE YOU DIFFER IN OPINION FROM ME!!!"-flavoured replies from the usual suspects!

[Posh]

Sorry dude, I'm one of those militant gays you hear so much about these days.