Working mums vs stay-at-home mums - views?

[Rhythm Junkie]

Originally Posted by ElegantlyRotten

Goodluck with the rest of your pregnancy!

Thank you

Originally Posted by Runt

In ALL honesty though, shouldn't the number crunching/work ethic/childcare feasibility all have come into discussion and agreement before making the decision to have a baby? Do you think a child will benefit more from having two working parents/one working parent/stay at home parents etc...what kind of lifestyle/environment do you think you should provide for a child?

I never intended to be anything but a stay-at-home mum for atleast the first 3 years of the munchkins life. All of the necessary decisions/conversations between myself and the boy were had a long time ago, I was simply using my own situation as an example and asking about other peoples views on the subject. I hadn't expected it to be a subject pissed so many people off/split so many people, hence my interest.

[Kenny Everett]

Having a kid has been made more complicated by the arrival of the internet. Fuck what anyone else thinks and do your own thing, people managed perfectly well before

[Runt]

Originally Posted by Rhythm Junkie

Thank you



I never intended to be anything but a stay-at-home mum for atleast the first 3 years of the munchkins life. All of the necessary decisions/conversations between myself and the boy were had a long time ago, I was simply using my own situation as an example and asking about other peoples views on the subject. I hadn't expected it to be a subject pissed so many people off/split so many people, hence my interest.

I should have edited my post, I realised on second reading that the 'confusion' part was to do with the arguments and not your decision. my bad.
I can understand the split - everyone thinks they know best. Doesn't give them the right to push their views on other people though, because there doesn't seem to be a 'wrong' answer...just different ones.

[Warped]

What do you guys think on parents right, from a guys point of view its no exactky equal still. I dont like the fact that guys get so little leave to spend time with a new born, they shold have the time to get to learn the role as dad. clearly women need more time to actually rest after popping on a monster but there is still some way to go i feel.

[Jaemi]

I agree with you.
At the end of the day though, someone has to be out working.

[mishelle]

I was working during the first eyar of my wee boys life, and it was all good, brought in the money and stuff, but I cant help admit that the past year that I have been unemployed have been amazing. I have managed to bond with him at the critical time of his life when he learns language and characteristics/ manners etc. I would really like to think I had a very strong input into the way he is now, not by nurseries/nannies etc, and I loved it.

I have been in both situations working/not working and even though I am desperate to get a job (yet whenever I mention I have a 2 year old they make their excuses and turn me away) I feel that the first couple years of your childs life will be the only time you will get to spend quality time with and influence them. Im pretty sure plenty of parents on here will say their older kids dont want anything to do with them, all part of growing up and being independent.

Obviously this is my personal opinion and experience, but want to let you know that whatever you choose you should never feel guilty for it, you will know as a parent what will work for you personaly.

[Runt]

Originally Posted by Warped

What do you guys think on parents right, from a guys point of view its no exactky equal still. I dont like the fact that guys get so little leave to spend time with a new born, they shold have the time to get to learn the role as dad. clearly women need more time to actually rest after popping on a monster but there is still some way to go i feel.

I think there should be equal maternity and paternity leave and hopefully there will be soon, someone's working on it I'm sure. Not just so that pops can get more time with the baby though but to share the responsibilities that go with it too, why should it just be the woman who has to do the looking after? If the woman needs more time to recover physically then that's sick leave or whatever - I think it should be assessed separately from maternity leave.

[Bobzilla]

The new law that has been touted for the last 4-5 years would see parents able to split the leave. The only advantage that I can see in the current scheme is that it supports breastfeeding further without the mother having to wean the baby to go back to work, but not everyone breastfeeds so it's moot.
I work full time 7.30am-3.30pm and Vonnie works 5-10pm when shes not on maternity leave. It's hard because during the week we hardly get to see each other and she doesn't get to see Findlay for more than an hour a day but it means that the kids always have a parent at home.

You should check your entitlement to tax credits. If you wanted to go back to work you can get help with up to 90% of your childcare costs dependant on your income.

[Rhythm Junkie]

Originally Posted by Bobzilla

You should check your entitlement to tax credits. If you wanted to go back to work you can get help with up to 90% of your childcare costs dependant on your income.

According to the information I can find, I wouldn't get help with childcare as I live with the boy and he would still be working full-time. Possibly I'm misunderstanding the information. By the time I want to go back to work I'll be entitled to the free nursery hours so I'll be good.

[Girshkin]

You'd be entitled to help towards nursery fees if you both work over 16 hrs as far as I know. I'm a single parent and I have to work 16hrs for nursery fee help, but I think that's the rules for couples.

[Witch]

got in in one, as long as you work over 16 hours a week, and earn under a specific amount between you, which is actually quite high IIRC

Their quick questionaire is here and will tell you if you'll be entitled to any help.

[Charlicat]

I can't believe anyone would, in all honesty, let someone else's opinion confuse them about how they wanted to raise their own child.

[Girshkin]

Originally Posted by Rhythm Junkie

To be honest I never planned to return to work whilst the baby was pre-school but the cost of childcare (which would have crippled us) has made sure it's not even an option.

This whole insanity has left me totally confused. Shouldn't mothers, working and stay-at-home, be supporting each other rather than tearing each other down?

Having read the first post, it's clear she's already made her decision about what she is going to do after the birth of her child, and the confusion lies in women being so unsupportive of mothers who work when they don't/stay at home when they don't.

Also, having reread the first post, I'd say to find out what if any maternity money you'd have to pay back if you don't return to work. Usually you have to return for 13weeks or you have to pay some of it back.

[Elmo]

Originally Posted by Girshkin

Also, having reread the first post, I'd say to find out what if any maternity money you'd have to pay back if you don't return to work. Usually you have to return for 13weeks or you have to pay some of it back.

This is a good point, a lot of places say they'll pay you on full pay (SMP topped up to your normal salary) however you're expected to return at the end of your maternity for a certain length of time or else you have to pay back the company's top up.

For me, I would get SMP and after 3 months of returning to work i'd get a "return to work bonus" which is basically the company's portion in a lump sum. Not very useful when you've got a mortgage to pay and a small child to bring up, but better than nowt I guess.

[Rhythm Junkie]

I'd have to go back to work for a year or have to pay back the enhanced portion of maternity pay - I'll put it aside and return it via cheque with my resignation letter.