Working mums vs stay-at-home mums - views?

[Rhythm Junkie]

Okay, my first little 'un is due in March and myself and the boy were looking into money e.t.c (obviously money has become a much bigger concern now). After alot of number crunching it seems it will be more beneficial for me to stay home after my years maternity rather than go back to work. To be honest I never planned to return to work whilst the baby was pre-school but the cost of childcare (which would have crippled us) has made sure it's not even an option.

Now, all of this was fine until I started talking about it with other women. They'd ask my plans and I'd tell them. In all fairness a few of them were very cool about it but the majority were absolutely horrified that I was going to allow myself to be 'shackled' at home just because I had a baby. A fair few women suggested that I was going to be a bad mother by staying at home rather than paying taxes and instilling a strong work ethic in my child. One woman told me I was an embarrassment to all the women who'd gone before me and fought for my right "not to be chained to the sink". There was alot of implication that stay-at-home mothers, and women who intended to be stay-at-home mothers, were "smug".

On the other hand, women I spoke to who had stayed at home when their children were small and only gone back to work after they were in their school stages seemed to think that it was a given I wouldn't be returning to work and there was alot of inference that working mothers were selfish and damaged their children.

This whole insanity has left me totally confused. Shouldn't mothers, working and stay-at-home, be supporting each other rather than tearing each other down? Views on this whole argument?

[karbon14]

the other people are spastics.

if it works best for you guys then go for it. i'd deffo get your wean into nursery for a year or so before school if you can to get them socialised and stuff, but i'm sure most people would want to do this anyway

[Rhythm Junkie]

I don't know how it works in Scotland but I get no help with nursery fees till the little 'un is three. I'll definitely be looking to get her into a nursery a few days a week when that time comes around.

[ElegantlyRotten]

Whatever works best for you and your partner and wee bub should be all that matters. Sounds like jealousy and/or resentment if other mothers felt the need to be so harsh about something that has eff all to do with them :O! My Mum stayed at home until both me and my brother were in primary school, as did my boyfriends mum with all four of her kids. Infact, she's a teacher and still only does part-time because she still has 2 of them living at home. When it comes down to it, it'll be what you feel is best. Some mums need to go back to their work (and are lucky to be able to afford childcare etc) and others can think of nothing worse. Goodluck with the rest of your pregnancy!

[Witch]

I couldn't wait to get back to work, mainly because I couldn't afford not to be at work, I was really lucky that I had cheap childcare with my work. I'm glad I went back to work as Rachel became independant really quickly.
Do what you feel and ignore people that are being bitchy.

[Warped]

Aye its up to each person. Working as a mum and staying home all the time wouldn't make much of a difference to how your kid turns out so. Just depends if you have enough money to get by on. I think the help women get these days is much better than say when i was a kid where you had to work or yer fucked. What's wrong with making the most of that. Clearly there is people that rip the piss with the system but they are the scum that shouldn't have kids in the first place.

See the other women tell them to get tae fuck.

[Charlie Parker]

aye get those bastards to fuck

[Warped]

Get the kids to work.

[Runt]

Ugh, people campaigned for EQUAL rights and for the CHOICE, so you shouldn't be made to feel any more obliged to be a working parent/stay at home parent than your partner in an ideal world. It's shady that equal paternity leave hasn't come into play yet to help it along.
In ALL honesty though, shouldn't the number crunching/work ethic/childcare feasibility all have come into discussion and agreement before making the decision to have a baby?

It all comes down to the individual, what you think is best for your family. You're the bosses so it doesn't matter a fuck how anyone else has chosen to raise theirs, I see no point in them bitching over it. Do you think a child will benefit more from having two working parents/one working parent/stay at home parents etc...what kind of lifestyle/environment do you think you should provide for a child?

[L@ur@]

From an educational point of view, it doesnt really matter too much if you are working or staying at home.

As long as you take an active role in spending as much time possible with your kid and doing their homework reading with them then theyll do great.

In my class the now, the 8 kids in my group which need the most individual support in doing their work are all from families which dont spend enough time with people who care about their education, a mixture of families who work and who do not.

if its money, what about part time? would also mean that once your kid hits school age going back to the work place wont be as hard because youve continued to be in the working ...loop?

dunno if that helped.

x

[Mwezzi]

Your kids will look up to you regardless of whether you work or stay at home. I spent half my time with a babysitter when I was wee because my mum was working (she became a stay at home mum probably around about when I started Primary school, maybe a bit before), and I don't think I suffered for it. My brother had more time away from mum (his education has gone swimmingly, he now has a rather fancy degree), whilst my sister always had mum around, and she's maybe a bit spoilt but the youngest one always is. We've all turned out fine in our own ways, so long as the child feels loved, is well cared for and does get some regular time with their parents it's all good. Kids are adaptable. Really, so long as the situation is right for you, your partner and your children, nothing else matters - so those other people can take their opinions and buzz off.

Also, where are all those outraged voices at those neglectful full-time working dads? Shouldn't they be SPENDING TIME with their KIDS? Aren't they selfish?

[Girshkin]

As Runt's already said, women fought for the right to CHOOSE whether to work or stay at home, so ignore the twats saying you're letting down womankind by stopping working for a while.

I've worked part time Wed-Fri full days since Eli was 9 months old. This gives us Mon and Tues to hang out/take him to his therapies. I love the time I have with him and don't think I personally could work full time.

I of course have the usual maternal guilt of 'would he be doing better if I was a stay at home Mum?' and then questions of 'Will he resent me having less money to spend on him than his full time working Dad does?'.

The two things to base your decision on are:

1. Financially, what will be better for your family?

2. Realistically can you cope with being a stay at home Mum? (I have amazing respect for those who do it, but I couldn't do it - I need my own time away from house to have my own life if that makes sense, even if that time is spent doing mundane job!)

If you go on parenting forums the opinions on working or not are quite extreme, and I think you're right that women should be more supportive of whatever choice parents make, rather than criticsing anyone who doesn't agree with them. As long as you're happy, you're financially stable and your child is loved, happy and well cared for, do it whatever way suits you and fuck everyone else!

[I'm Your God Now]

Working women are hotter.

[Ghostsuit]

Do what you feels best and whats going to work for you. as for going back to work who's to say you can't work from home to supplement the family income .

[XMachina]

The person who went on about you being 'chained to the sink' puts the dork in Dworkin.