[Punk] Small Arms Dealer - A Single Unifying Theory

A record deal. An album cover with a fairly cool picture of a shark on it. Oxygen.

A few highlights, there, from the long list of things that Small Arms Dealer ought to be denied access to. Every song on this album sounds exactly the same, and they're all shit. What's worse, now no one else can use the song title Galactus: Devourer of Worlds without the foul taint of Small Arms Dealer clinging to it like a particularly noxious fart.

That's it, Small Arms Dealer. That's all you're getting. I already resent spending however many minutes it was I spent listening to your soulless tripe.


A Single Unifying Theory is released on 07 Feb through Deep Elm. You really have to ask yourself why.

http://www.smallarmsdealer.net/

[poprock]

I checked out a couple of their songs, and concur.

Also, is it me or does the shark on their album cover appear to have been drawn suffering from chronic halitosis?

[Rowsbette]

I don't read the album reviews as often as I used to. I'm glad I stumbled on this one by chance.

[Potatojunkie]

Originally Posted by poprock

Also, is it me or does the shark on their album cover appear to have been drawn suffering from chronic halitosis?

I think it's sucking all the goodness and joy out of the universe.

[MarkMono]

I just finished writing a song called Galactus: The Planet Eater just to see you smile again.

[Charlie Parker]

Why're we still getting these emo albums?

[poprock]

Because Kenny liked them a lot.

[Potatojunkie]

Deep Elm know that we hate every band they have. They enjoy watching us suffer.

[poprock]

Not true. I like some of them. I have in the past, anyway. Just haven’t heard any good ones in, oooh, ages.

[Potatojunkie]

Well in that case they're just being cheeky. Grr.

[donkeykok]

First off shit dick the album cover is probabaly the least coolest thing about the album. I was just wondering what the fuck you listen to? This album is probabaly one of the greatest albums I have bought in the longest time. Songs like "A Fire In The Mine" and "Scumbagsville Ct." are some of the coolest songs I have ever had the privelege of listening to on a daily basis. Listen shit nuts just because you listen to top 40 music in your volvo on your way to your shitty job and are afraid that something new and refreshing might eke it's way onto your radio and replace your coheed and cambria on your morning commute to manually masterbating small puppies to make hybrid dogs for rich shit heads. I dont know where I'm going with this but maybe you should actually listen to the album when your not jacking off to britney spears records and not be such a fucking senseless chimp and actually right a review that might be insightful about the cd. tell people what you didnt like about it and not bash it like some dog fucking scat video producer. eat shit. go pick up a tranny and fuck it in the mouth as your mother licks your balls. I hope you get in a nasty car accident and the blood transfusion you get gives you the AIDS. Die dick fuck and save the youth of today from reading shitty reviews of EXCELLENT albums that might make a difference in someone's life. Lick my weiner , I'll put peanut butter on it so you can lap it up like a rabid German Shepard . Jerk off.

fondly fucking your dead grand mother,

Mike, Port Jeff NY

[Charlie Parker]

What insight.
This is probably the result of heated discussion on some daft punker forum
I'm away to my job now.
I like Fleetwood Mac and the Style Council

[Potatojunkie]

Originally Posted by donkeykok

First off shit dick the album cover is probabaly the least coolest thing about the album.

Least coolest, huh? I guess the CD itself is quite shiny, and could be used to attract magpies to your windowsill.

Originally Posted by donkeykok

I was just wondering what the fuck you listen to?

Are you really that interested? Right now I'm listening to The Boxing Hitlers.

Originally Posted by donkeykok

This album is probabaly one of the greatest albums I have bought in the longest time. Songs like "A Fire In The Mine" and "Scumbagsville Ct." are some of the coolest songs I have ever had the privelege of listening to on a daily basis.

That's really nice for you. When you're older you might want to look up an idea known as "subjective taste".

Originally Posted by donkeykok

Listen shit nuts just because you listen to top 40 music

Swing and a miss. Strike one.

Originally Posted by donkeykok

in your volvo

Ohh, bad luck. Strike two.

Originally Posted by donkeykok

on your way to your shitty job

Strike three, captain fantastic, you are outta there. No more guesses for you.

Originally Posted by donkeykok

and are afraid that something new and refreshing might eke it's way onto your radio

If Small Arms Dealer ever get a sniff of prime-time radio airplay I'll eat an entire chapeau shop.

Originally Posted by donkeykok

I dont know where I'm going with this but maybe you should actually listen to the album when your not jacking off to britney spears records and not be such a fucking senseless chimp and actually right a review that might be insightful about the cd.

I was quite willing to take this in good humour, but by dissing Britney you just made it personal. Is someone incapable of spelling the word "write" really qualified to offer any criticism of writing? Well, no.

Originally Posted by donkeykok

tell people what you didnt like about it and not bash it like some dog fucking scat video producer.

"dog fucking scat video producer" is my new favourite epithet, edging out "fucking Marilyn Manson fuck". Thank you.

Originally Posted by donkeykok

go pick up a tranny

I am a tranny. What's it to you?

Originally Posted by donkeykok

I hope you get in a nasty car accident and the blood transfusion you get gives you the AIDS.

I hope you don't take your imminent ban too seriously. Try and get out in the fresh air and sunshine.

Originally Posted by donkeykok

Die dick fuck and save the youth of today from reading shitty reviews of EXCELLENT albums that might make a difference in someone's life.

Well if the youth of today didn't have such godawful taste in music then maybe it wouldn't have to endure casual, throwaway reviews so often, now, would it?

Originally Posted by donkeykok

Mike, Port Jeff NY

Well, Mike, I'm sorry you have to live in New York, but I guess somebody has to. Here's how it works, so try and pay attention. Having a CD pressed does not automatically earn your music a serious, in-depth review. If your band has not one single iota of talent, originality or musical aptitude then you're really not providing anything to review, and as such you're lucky to get away with a photograph of your album being used as a coaster. However, thanks to that "subjective taste" thing that I mentioned earlier, some poor sap is bound to adore even the most wretched cacophony. Try not to let it bother you too much. For some perspective, consider these two facts:

1) Someone halfway around the world dislikes an album that you like, and said so on the Internet.

2) You live in a place called Port Jeff. I mean, seriously. Sort out your priorities, for the love of Mike.

Love you, Mike,

Stuart.
xxx

[Charlie Parker]

There endeth the discussion

[poprock]

I can’t believe I didn’t read this thread before. It’s great.