allright this is just a joke read it how you like... oh and it's not meant to make any sense
Inquisitor
Preacher
Josef was sat with a three-litre bottle of white lightning cider and a keg Of ‘Super Cock’ beer connected to a hat with straws listening to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody through his headphones was un-able to notice that he had left his Giant Luminous Weeping clam plugged into his cable modem. But his Giant Clam had used the broadband connection to contact a very attractive woman for an on-line date. Unaware of the large clams plans to use the preacher’s name to book an Internet date, Josef sat in his recline able leather chair still unaware of the happening around him…
Thanks to his alcoholic habit he was becoming increasingly more unaware of what was going on. Asleep in his chair, he is awoken by the sound of a battering on his small council flats door, he sluggishly, gets up and heads to-wards his door. The battering continues and Josef lets out a drunken plea for extra time and stumbles towards the door. He eventually answers the door and sees the fair outline of a Woman. She asks him a question he can’t hear so he doesn’t say yes, but nor does he successfully decline with a no…
Josef falls back from the door and she enters his house, he decides to agree with this arrangement and he heads back towards his chair. But she grabs his arm in the hall-way; he stopped and strained his eyes to see what this thing in his house really was, after about a minate he can see her. She had long black hair, which seemed to swallow up the light around her, a thin face with black eyeliner on and a black cape that was like a shining cape of bricks she was tall and had a slender figure with big gazooms. At this time Josef had the gift of an attractive man but was dwindling his muscular body was depleting in muscular structure, thanks to his recent Alcohol fetish and since his son, Dorothy, left him to get married to a chavie from steps he was alone and depressed, and to make it worse he was going bald and the last of his hair reserves were going grey….
But he may have found it even more attractive due to fact that Josef was long past the ‘pretty when I’m drunk Stage’ and now into “ooooooh Mrs. Hat stand you are so shexy” ß an attempt to seduce his coat stand. She exclaimed to him that he was very romantic on the net, and the clam let out a upset wail in an attempt to draw attention to itself but with horrendous unsucesabilty it began to snivel and weep. Josef smiled agreeing and moved in for some love.
Luckily for Josef, but unluckily for the clam, he was accepted with an open mouth and a tongue that was not only his own, but there was something weird about the tongue it felt serrated and strange almost fork like. He tried to direct the flow of love to his double bed in his converted kitchen. Successfully managing to make his way to the bed he began to undress himself the women followed she leapt on him and they made whoopee… however as soon as Josef was finished he heard a deep laughter coming from the Female he looked up at her startled. He moved to get up but two short bone-like tentacles shot out from her shoulders going through his biceps he let out a growl in pain gritting in teeth still un sure of what was happening. She let out one last laugh and requested if he really thought she wanted him for sex? Josef upset and startled didn’t move only let out a whimper. The Woman’s eyes turned red and her arms opened up into two huge scythes, she laughed as Josef squeemed and tried to get away she then told him it only “hurts the first time.”
With those words she took off his right arm and munched it Josef was howling with pain and the old man Mr. Johnson was banging on the ceiling of his house shouting
“ Shut that god-forsaken racket up this instance.”
After his arm was gone she proceeded to tear away and eat at other parts of his body, she continued to laugh. Enraged Josef let out a great cry of anger and hatred which had been building up over the years of depression and advanced Schizophrenia he lunged forward pushing his left arm forward to snap the tentacles that were launched into his arm’s (or am now) grabbing it, he grit his teeth and snapped it the creature let out a high pitch wail and loosened it’s grip on him he pushed himself up, covered in blood and made a run for his tool drawer he produced a small wood chopping axe. The creature recovered and laughed at the axe, Josef ran forward letting out a semi-drunken war cry and threw the axe into the beasts chest it screamed again and Josef leaped onto the monster and grabbed it by the throat. But now the tables had turned the beast made a plea for reason on both parts, Josef loosened his grip so it could speak. It exclaimed, “You will not survive even if you kill me” he tightened his grip “ No, NO Wait… I can help you… I can get you your body back… I will not survive either I know how to do it… please…” he Let her go and asked her how he was starting to feel faint so it better be done soon. She exclaimed that they could become one like a symbiotic creature... seprate entities yet still dependant on one another. Josef thought about it for a few seconds and agreed only on the condition it was in his body that be the host and main controller, the Makai demon disagreed but was met with and angry Preachers fist across the face, curse you, the creature hissed but then agreed to his terms and held close to each other and the Makai demon chanted some words and they with a dark crimson flash and then there was silence and darkness…
Josef opened his eyes and found he was lying in his bed he felt fine but strange he felt knowledge filtering into his brain… but could also feel the new blood surging through his veins...and then he noticed what had happened. His changes were also physical he had a huge pincer for a left arm and his body was larger, stronger. He felt extreme resent to himself but could hear another voice in his hear it was the Makai she was telling him to embrace his new situation and power. He didn’t know what to think… to seek revenge on all of the Makai kind of help fight along side their cause… No idea… none at all…
ha ha piles
--Jake Jeckel [He is Of Your Positivitey he is of your love]
bizaar story froma while back 
- Jack
