Permanent Contraception

[Crystal Mighty]

Originally Posted by mysterio

If you sterilise yourself in your 20's you're a selfish idiot.

If you did it yourself then I'd say yeah you're definitely an idiot

[Purplerose]

***Disclaimer***

As I know this usually ends up with people arguing with me I just want anyone who reads it to know that this is what I want within my life. I don't mean to start a quarrel and I think you are perfectly within your own right to want and have children just like I am within my own right not to have any children.

*********

Why I want to be Childfree

So after discussing/arguing with people over my choice to be childfree I have decided to write it down, mainly to clear my head and pinpoint my reasons for this and for anyone to read if they can actually be bothered to read it. My reasons and beliefs may change over time but for right now this is how I feel.


The History, the Present and Ponderings


When I was a little girl I played with dolls like any other little girl but whenever anyone said "aww are you its mummy" I would go "noooo, I'm its auntie/big sister/baby sitter/whatever" basically ever since I was wee I have never seen myself in the role of a mother and this has stayed with me ever since.


When I was 15 a lot of the girls in my year at school went through that weird broody phase, ok it’s not the right time to really be considering kids and personally I thought they were mad. Some of them ended up as parents not long after but I won't go into that.

I do have a role model when it comes to this whole having no kids business, my mothers’ best friend doesn’t have any kids, and she is my “auntie” Linda. Linda chose not to have any kids, I have never spoken to her about it but it seems like a good choice. She and her husband have a very close relationship. She has a very good relationship with her family and their children as well as her friends’ children.


Linda has the type of lifestyle that I want, she and her husband both work full time, they have what they want in terms of type of home and car etc but in addition to this they also have lots of fun. They usually go on holiday together at least 4 times a year to some really amazing destinations. They also go on holidays with friends separately. They have lots of friends and pursue many hobbies and social interests, they enjoy life. They are both about to turn 50 and are in the financial position to retire within the next few years where the plan to buy a house in Greece and retire there. They aren’t in massively high powered jobs but because they have no children they can afford to do all of this. Their lives are as complete and as varied as any other couple who have children, perhaps even more so.


An awful lot of people tell me that I might change my mind and I say I don't think it's likely. I realise I might wake up feeling all maternal one day but that day isn't today and I don't see it in my life plan over the next 10 - 15 years. They think because I'm only 23 years old that I will change my mind but the way I see things: I'm going to be in education until I'm 25, after this I want to work, I want to be able to gain experience, find something I like doing and use the money I earn to create a lifestyle that will suit me. Having a child doesn't come into that at all, the so called selfish side of me wants to be able to do what I want to do in life without the responsibility of children.


I think it is sad that people think of it as a selfish way to live.


Would they prefer I be an unemployed single mother who only has a kid to get on the priority council housing list?


Would they prefer I have a child that I resent because I feel that it has taken my life away from me?


If everyone is to have kids is it right to bring children in to potentially threatening or neglected environments?


Is it right to have kids because society expects it of me?


Just because my dad wants a couple of grandchildren am I really expected to submit to his wish?


Are children really required to give me a defined purpose and role in life?


However, I do like kids


I do like children, I think if I had one I would be an ok mother and I would enjoy teaching the kid about stuff and watching what type of person they become but that is almost all consuming. I know people work and have a life when they have children but I just don't want the responsibility. I want to be able to do what I want when I want without having to wait and see if I can get a babysitter or wait until the school holidays come up.


Plenty of other people have kids that I can help to take care of, like my brother will probably have kids. My friends will have kids and my partner will probably have siblings with kids. I much prefer the idea of being the favourite aunt who can hand them back to mummy n daddy.


I don’t think people should stop having kids, yes they are great in their own way its just I don’t want any and I think it is important for people to realise that we don’t have to have kids just because it is expected of us.


Why I don’t want kids


• Parenthood is a choice, it isn’t mandatory not everyone has to be a parent.


• I’m scared of failure.


• The world is becoming a scary place and is becoming more dangerous, why bring a kid into that?


• It’s not like you can change your mind when they do something you don’t like, you can’t exactly pop them back in the womb at age 4.


• The world is becoming overpopulated, why add to it?


• Just from reading the news, the world looks like it’s pretty much doomed within the next 100 years, why bring a kid into that?


• Why bring a kid in to contribute to the messing up of the world?


• Health reasons


• I’m scared that with the growing number of divorce rates that my kid wouldn’t have a dad, I’d be concerned for the kid as well as myself being a single mum.


• It’s a difficult job and not always fun.


The World and the Environment


Almost every day whenever I turn on the television for the news or read the paper, there is something going on with the world that would indicate we are doomed in one way or another and pretty much all of these reports suggest that it is going to happen by 2050. Keep an eye out for it in the news and you will see.


We’ve got global warming, basically they are saying that trees are being cut down too fast, the air is filled with pollutants, it’s causing things to heat up and it’s making the weather go screwy. Ice shelves are melting, if we don’t change our ways then there is going to be mass flooding everywhere and a lot of places could end up underwater.


The world is overpopulated as it is, we are the dominant species and not much has come along to wipe us out (yet). We do not need everyone to have children, there are too many as it is and it is creating a strain on the worlds resources, there is evidence of this everywhere so choosing to have children in order for the human race to continue isn’t really a valid point to make these days.
If people want children so much then I don’t know why a lot of them don’t adopt or foster kids. I realise people want “a child of their very own” but when you adopt that child is raised by you and you are the parent, why not have a kid who needs you and will have a wonderful life with you? It would at least help with the overpopulation issues.


I have read that there is evidence to suggest in animals that when a place becomes overcrowded with a species, some of the animals become sterile in order to control the population. Could this be what is happening with our own society? More and more people are becoming sterile and seeking out IVF treatment, maybe mother-nature is trying to tell us something?


Health Issues


I have depression and so does my dad, so did his dad so I'm really pretty scared that I could pass that on to a kid. I don’t know if depression can be passed on but if there is a possibility then I don’t want any kid of mine having it. I would feel so incredibly bad if my kid was to come to me and say that they were depressed/felt suicidal/self harmed or whatever. I realise that there are many external factors to depression but I would still feel pretty guilty. I know my dad sometimes blames himself because of my depression.


Also with health, I have asthma, eczema and bad allergies and it is very likely that I could pass those onto a kid.


I don't have any of these yet but in my family there has been - diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid problems, heart attacks, cervical cancer, breast cancer and various other things that could be hereditary and I just don't like the idea of passing it on.


This is my personal opinion but if you have something up with you that could be passed on then I don't think you should breed. Folk will obviously disagree with me there but that is my personal view.


The “superficial” reasons


·I don't want to clean up puke or change nappies
·I don’t want to chase a kid up and down super market aisles screaming like a banshee.
·I don't want to smell of that gross baby milk puke smell when they puke all over my top.
·I don't want to have to tell a kid "stop doing that, it's rude"
·I don’t want to have to spend ages getting a kid to sleep then just when you put it to bed it wakes up again.
·I don't want to have conversations with other mothers about what the best type of bottle there is to use or compare labour and birth stories with them.
·I don't even want to consider tearing, gah.
·I don't want a screaming kid just because it canny have some sweeties.
·I don't want to have to be dragged to the school because it poked someone in the eye.
·I don't want to do the school run.
·I don't want to stand and gab to other mothers about how my kid is better than theirs.
·I don't want to be a member of the PTA.
·I don't want to feel guilty because I want to work and not be there all the time for some kid.
·I don't want that teenager who was once the adoring child looking back at me now with eyes full of anger because they can't do something that a pal can do because I said so.
·I don’t want to worry about a teenager or an adult. I don’t want to bail my kid out of debt; I don’t want to be fearful for someone just because they are away out to the dancing.
·I don't want to postpone my sex life just because some kid is in the next room.
·I don't want to child proof my pretty house.
·I’m not fluent in baby speak.


Why do folk have kids anyway?


·To have the experience of being a parent
·To carry on the blood line
·To have that parent child bond
·For pleasure
·Status
·Responsibility
·Worth
·Power
·Achievement

·To have the experience of being a parent
That is a pretty long experience to me, personally I would rather just be someone’s baby sitter for the night, that’s about all the personal experience I need when it comes to children.


·To carry on the blood line
I don’t really get this argument, it’s not like we are living in the middle ages and unless you are the queen and need an heir I don’t see how this is very important. I see no point in carrying on the family name unless you are some kind of duke, besides you are kind of screwed in that respect if it’s a girl.


·To have that parent child bond
Ok I’d say this is one of the better arguments but I feel no need for one. I have a good bond with the other people who are close to me in this life and that will suffice.


·For pleasure
Kids can be a lot of fun and that is why it is good to be the favourite auntie.


·Status
Society does see having children as a good thing and it shows stability and responsibility in your life. Having children is “the norm” within our society and people will judge people who will choose not to have children. Without children people have been called “weird” and unnatural so having children will give you some status and recognition within our own society.


·Responsibility
Being responsible for something will give people a sense of importance, it gives them the opportunity to look out for the education and the welfare of another and this will bring with it a lot of satisfaction. I don’t see why I need to have children to have responsibility in my life, I will have it in my chosen career, I will be responsible for the care of myself, my home, to some degree my partner, friends and family. If I really need a responsibility boost I will get a dog.


·Worth
Some people think that it is a selfless act to have children, putting someone else first before you; they might feel obligated to have children to make them a worthy human being. I can’t say I associate having a child with this, I have never questioned my worth and having a kid because you think it’s selfless just so you can fulfil your own ideas of how worthy you are isn’t the most selfless act in the world when you think about it.


·Power
People like to have some form of control over others. I can’t say this acts as a motivator to me, if I want power I will get a dog and teach it to do tricks. Failing that I will probably have a degree of power when it comes to my career over subordinates however, I can’t say the whole notion appeals to me all that much.


·Achievement
Parenting is a hard job and there will be reward that comes from it, when all goes well it will show you that you are competent at what you are doing and there is personal gratification to be had when it comes to times such as your kid receiving their university diploma and knowing that you had a hand in raising them and are proud of them. The way I see it, there are loads of things in life to have that feeling of achievement, like something you have done has been worthwhile and a child isn’t required for that.


The majority of these reasons or motivators for having children can be found elsewhere in life and that is where I plan to find them.


"Ah but it’s all worth it in the end, you have this person with unconditional love for you"


Do you really though?


I know there have been times I put my parents through hell, I haven't always unconditionally loved them, and sometimes I even hated them. I don't really need that to be honest with you.


Do you also unconditionally love the child back? Is there ever a time a parent thinks “god I hate this wee asshole”? I realise unconditional love is when you can hate someone and love them at the same time like with most families, like with my own family at times. But is going through all this crap really worth having someone love you and hating you at the same time?


Also, do you not have enough people in your life already? You have your partner, siblings, parents, nieces, nephews and friends to love. I know plenty of people who have no time for these other people in their life because their own children are too demanding.


“You need someone to look after you in your old age”


Sorry but in this day and age that barely happens. My mums uncle is in a hospital for ex servicemen and women, he has 6 children and the only people who visit him are his sister - my granny, my mum, me, the brother and my dad he hasn't seen any of his family for a few years now, not even a phone call or a Christmas card. All he ever done was raise them.


When my great granny was in a care home we visited her regularly but there were people in there with family who they hadn't seen in years. I sometimes went over and gave them sweeties and they were so grateful just to have someone talk to them, it was so sad.


There are so many old people out there who hardly see their children and I would never rely on my offspring to come and visit me. People have their own lives to pursue and it is easy to forget about the elderly. Obviously I would rather not be lonely in my old age but you can come around that with keeping up a social life and keeping busy. Isn’t it selfish to expect the young to look after you in your old age? They will have their own lives.


Pressure


I don’t have much pressure coming from my parents. My mum agrees with me that it is my life, my choice. My dad on the other hand is not happy with the decision one bit; he says it makes him sad. He asks me “what would you have done if your mother and I had decided not to have children, where would you be now?” Well I wouldn’t be here anyway, but that doesn’t bother me. If I was never born I would never regret the life that I would never live because I wouldn’t be me in the first place. I think my dad is convinced that I make these decisions to hurt him in some way. He told me I became a vegetarian to piss him off, I didn’t even think about him when I made the decision.


Society has some form of pressure when it comes to having kids. It doesn’t affect me so much at the moment but there will come a day when someone at work will ask “so how many kids do you have?” and when I say that I have none I will be told “better get started soon, clock ticking, tick-tock” and when I tell them I choose not to have any kids I will get the looks of horror and the arguments and no doubt the label of baby hater.



Our society has all these family friendly policies, our society loves children, and they have become these mini gods in our world. I do feel like I am expected to breed. It’s everywhere on television, on the products we buy there are happy smiling kids, pregnant bellies, babies arses. You can’t buy fabric conditioner without some kid in the advertising. It seems to be coming at us from all angles, no wonder folk think it’s a weird decision the day I say I’m having no children, and it’s just expected of us.


I have been told that not having any kids would in a way make society consider me unstable. Our child loving society thinks that it has to be every woman’s dream to produce a child and that there has to be something wrong there if you don't want one. I mean what do they want? Everyone is to be the same? I can't say I'm the biggest fan of society anyways and I really don't care what they think. You will come to know that the majority of our society are stupid if you ever work in a call centre so you can't really take the view of society seriously.


So what do I want?


·I want to find a partner and be in a loving relationship. – I believe that without children it means that you can spend more time together and have a closer relationship. Others might say that a child has brought them closer together but what about when the kid leaves? Will you look at each other one day and think “who is this person when they aren’t ‘Dad’, what do we have in common?”


·I want my own freedom.


·I want my own freedom to take risks.


·I want to use my leisure time to do things that interest me and that I enjoy.


·I would like to travel a lot.


·I want a varied social life with good friends.


·I want to concentrate on a career that I enjoy, not so much for money but do something that I find interesting.


·I would like to do something that involves helping people, I don’t know if this would be through charity or some kind of employment but it is something that appeals to me.


·I want to be able to go where I want to go, if I decide that I want to move to the south of England or Spain or wherever I want the only hassle to be job finding, house hunting and moving.


·I want to continue with education and learning.


·I want the financial security in knowing that a child does not depend upon me meaning I would have more money to pursue my own interests or if I decided to go back to university at any point I know I would only have to support myself.


Basically I want my life to be full of choices, I want to enjoy it in every way that I can. I want my own personal freedom and I don’t see children within my own future.


Yes I want financial security and a good job but I don’t see myself as one of these career mad woman who only wants to climb the promotional ladder. I want to find a job I enjoy so that I can work to live; I want to enjoy my own life without having to create another for my own personal fulfilment.


So my mind is made up?


Not completely, never say never and all that. Right now from this vantage point it is the way I see things. I don't see children as a likely option within my life but things do change, different things become important to you for different reasons. I hate for things to be absolute, I once said I would never eat meat again and after about 10 years of being veggie and vegan, I went back to eating meat for a year. I'm now back to being a veggie again but the decisions I made when I was 10/11 years old to become a veggie just didn't seem so important when I was about 20, it was during the time of eating meat for a year that I came up with new reasons to become a vegetarian again.


Basically I'm saying that I know I can change my mind but for now that’s the way I see things and have seen them that way for a long, long time.


Scared? We all get scared...


Very much so, I'm not scared of many things but I would be absolutely terrified of creating a kid and messing it all up mainly because I have this uncanny knack of messing things up. I guess I like my unborn kids too much for me to go around messing stuff up for them.


Being scared of having children comes secondary to how I see my life and what I want to do with it. What I’m saying is: this is what I want to do with my life and that does not include children, however, if I didn’t want to do that with my life and have children this is what I would be afraid of happening.


Regrets


Yes it is possible to regret things but if I look back on my life and see one that has been varied and interesting, one that I enjoyed and loved living, then what is there to regret? I have found that I only regret things if I feel I am missing out doing something at the time when it could have been done. For example “do you want to go Here or There?” and when I am at Here, I’m wishing I was at There then when it is over and done with I will regret my choice because I spent the whole time wishing I was There instead of Here. It’s not like that with my decision not to have kids.


I don’t get that with the no children decision. I don’t look at expectant mothers and get broody, to be honest with you the sight of a pregnant belly makes me feel kind of sick, but that’s me just being weird. I’m not wishing to have children now so if I’ve never wanted them, how can I regret not having them? I realise a dog is different from a child but if I didn’t like them, never wanted one due to the responsibility, the mess etc would I suddenly get to age 60 and go “I regret never having a dog”? I don’t think I would.


Children to me are not always adorable, I don’t look at every kid and go ‘aww’ some kids are cute but others are butt ugly. I don’t think it’s so great when I’m on a bus and a kid feels like singing Christmas carols in a high pitched voice in the middle of July. My ears don’t find it acceptable to be a receptacle to sudden screaming. Kids can be fun but also boring. Do people really aspire to have these children and then sit all day playing eye spy with them? Do the words “again, again mummy” never grate at anyone’s nerves after hearing it 46 times? Do mothers never despair at having to sort out petty fights over who got the biggest bit of cake? I don’t want any of this, it has never appealed. I look at the pregnant form and shudder; I see a woman with three kids in tow and feel relief. I will never have to get a babysitter; I will never have to wait until the summer holidays before I can really go anywhere. I will never worry about a child who is being bullied or who is out late or who is going through a messy divorce. My life will be mine to do with it and share it with whoever I please, I can do things on a whim…or not. I won’t be tied down to making meals, changing nappies, cleaning cut knees. I won’t have to convince anyone to eat their broccoli, I won’t have to ferry children to different clubs. I won’t worry about money and the ability to cope. I won’t have to keep to a set routine that children demand.

I will be responsible for myself and that’s it. I can make my own choices and do what I want. Call that selfish if you want but is it really selfish to live this life that my parents gave to me, in the way that I want to? Haven’t parents already made the same choice, they live the way they want to, why can’t I?



It is my life after all.

[Purplerose]

Originally Posted by mysterio

If you sterilise yourself in your 20's you're a selfish idiot.

Who says I will do it in my 20's? And what does it matter if I do?

When I am done with this life you can look at how I lived and then tell me if I have been selfish. Is it selfish to want to help the environment, to want to work for charitable organisations, to be there for my friends, to look after my friends children, to be a good and loving daughter, to be a good sister? Are all these things selfish? There are plenty of people with children who have never given the environment a second thought and they will happily contribute to the destruction of it, this is just an example and I know many families show concern for the environment.

But yeah, you come to me when I go through the menopause, when having children is no longer an option, take a look at my life and then tell me I am selfish rather than take this knee jerk reaction that all the sheep seem to keep on bleeting at me.

[mr_brownstone]

It's a bit sad that u felt u had to write an essay explaining to people the reasons you don't want kids is it not.

Why not just,
"I don't want kids"
"How No?"
"I just don't. End of."

[Sebb™]

Originally Posted by mysterio

If you sterilise yourself in your 20's you're a selfish idiot.

How the fuck does that make her selfish or an idiot?

Originally Posted by mr_brownstone

It's a bit sad that u felt u had to write an essay explaining to people the reasons you don't want kids is it not.

She didn't, she wrote it for her personal journal.

[Purplerose]

Originally Posted by mr_brownstone

It's a bit sad that u felt u had to write an essay explaining to people the reasons you don't want kids is it not.

Why not just,
"I don't want kids"
"How No?"
"I just don't. End of."

It was more to clear it out in my own head, I do that with alot of things, I have hunners of points of view or rants written down on all sorts of subjects. It's just something I have always done, its my therapy lol.

However, I do agree with you that I shouldn't really have to justify myself, I am entitled to make my own decisions and if it doesn't hurt anyone then I should do what I want.

The thing is, people will always try to argue with you and bring you round to their point of view. It is the same with any point of view that does not go with what is considered the norm

I'm a vegetarian
I don't want kids
I'm a mosher/goth/weirdo type person
I like piercings and tattoos
I'm a spiritualist

All of these things and more will bring about some type of argument from someone intent on bringing me round to their way of thinking. The least I can do is state my reasons why I make a choice and maybe they will understand and keep an open mind.

I generally go by the live and let live motto, it's just ashame that others dont.

[feelion]

Originally Posted by yummy mummy

really?
that's the age most of my friends are at just now and some of them are just starting their families.

thats MY opinion of how I feel... im already thinking of the age logistics of having erin at 29.... when shes 16 i'll be 45 and very likely embarrass her! our birthdays are only a couple of weeks apart so when she's celebrating her 21st ill be the grand old age of 50! scary thought for ME! i dont know how im going to be able to relate to her when she gets older. obviously a lot of people feel different and good on them, but its no longer an option for me as far as I am concerned!

[Mrs.Evil of Hesselink]

Originally Posted by Sebb™

How the fuck does that make her selfish or an idiot?

She didn't, she wrote it for her personal journal.

Agreeing with Sebb twice in one post? What's the world coming to.

Thanks for posting that btw, it was pretty interesting and I laughed at the "can't push them back into the womb when they're 4" bit.

Like you say, it's your choice to make.

[opiate]

Takes balls. Good for you! Purplerose, I mean.

[mr_brownstone]

Originally Posted by feelion

when shes 16 i'll be 45 and very likely embarrass her!

that's the best reason to have kids!!!!

[Sebb™]

Originally Posted by opiate

Takes balls.

What a good thing it is that she has no balls, being female and all

[Witch]

Originally Posted by Purplerose

At this point in my life I am 100% sure but I do realise that opinions change, my wants and needs at this point in my life will be different when I am 40 years old. However, I have never felt maternal, I knew since I was a little girl that I have never wanted children and have felt the same way ever since. I have never been broody, I have never played with a kid and felt the need to have my own. I have never considered it as something I want to do, there are too many other things I would like to do with my life.

As I said, right now I am sure but it could change for all I know, to be honest with you I don't see me waking up and deciding I want to breed for Scotland but I have to take it on board that it may be a possibility and that is why I will probably stay on the implant as my method of contraception for the next few years just to give me a bit longer to think about it. I'm 23 and I'd say I've felt this way for about 18 years, I don't really see me changing my mind.

Im not picking at you im sharing here, i was the same as you and i got pig sick of people telling me that i WILL get broody and want kids and that its a natural thing for women to do, im not a huge kiddy person even now, im not into the whole baby thing, i hold my friends child as its my friend, i never have or will coo in prams and i hate baby related questions. i dont go to parties at the nursery or play groups because i hate all those kids around me screaming, making me want to flip out, but thats MY choice so my mum goes as she likes doing it and i dont exactly cherish the idea. I am not a neglectful parent i go to every parents night and read with my daughter and take her out every day, but because people know i dont go to nursery outings and stuff ive been ousted as a 'bad parent' You just cant win with some folks

I can fully sympathise with how god damn irritating it is to have people bleat on at you about how much kids are great etc. My daughter wasnt planned and if i hadnt gotten pregnant due to condom burst and other things i wouldnt have a child now and i'd still be in the "never for me option" BUT i wouldnt change her for the world, she is a fantastic person and i adore her very much. Not preaching that when you have kids it changes you as it doesnt change everyone.

If its a decision you have made to have no kids then good on you.

[Purplerose]

Originally Posted by Witch

I can fully sympathise with how god damn irritating it is to have people bleat on at you about how much kids are great etc. My daughter wasnt planned and if i hadnt gotten pregnant due to condom burst and other things i wouldnt have a child now and i'd still be in the "never for me option" BUT i wouldnt change her for the world, she is a fantastic person and i adore her very much. Not preaching that when you have kids it changes you as it doesnt change everyone.

If its a decision you have made to have no kids then good on you.

I've decided I don't want kids but if it ever came about that I had a child I imagine I would undoubtedly love the child and want to care for it and provide for it in every way that I could, as all parents should. I'm not a baby hater or a people hater because I don't want children, quite the opposite really.

[djbarry]

Originally Posted by OBSIDIAN

I work in pharmacy so i should be able to access all the relevant info about the procedure and any case study statistics that are available.

Did you not state in another thread that you were in fact a Pharmacist, so surely you would know the relevent information, otherwise you wouldn't be doing the job you have stated you do, or have you been so out of your head with your gp, lawer and art teacher friends that you have missed this information when it was issued to the chemist shop you work in.

[Crystal Mighty]

Originally Posted by Witch

Im not picking at you im sharing here, i was the same as you and i got pig sick of people telling me that i WILL get broody and want kids and that its a natural thing for women to do, im not a huge kiddy person even now, im not into the whole baby thing, i hold my friends child as its my friend, i never have or will coo in prams and i hate baby related questions. i dont go to parties at the nursery or play groups because i hate all those kids around me screaming, making me want to flip out, but thats MY choice so my mum goes as she likes doing it and i dont exactly cherish the idea. I am not a neglectful parent i go to every parents night and read with my daughter and take her out every day, but because people know i dont go to nursery outings and stuff ive been ousted as a 'bad parent' You just cant win with some folks

I can fully sympathise with how god damn irritating it is to have people bleat on at you about how much kids are great etc. My daughter wasnt planned and if i hadnt gotten pregnant due to condom burst and other things i wouldnt have a child now and i'd still be in the "never for me option" BUT i wouldnt change her for the world, she is a fantastic person and i adore her very much. Not preaching that when you have kids it changes you as it doesnt change everyone.

If its a decision you have made to have no kids then good on you.

TBH I find the whole "oh I was EXACTLY like you til I changed my mind/got pregnant anyway and I'm SO happy" spiel even worse than people just asking why because they're mostly just curious. If you had really been so adamant, when the condom burst why didn't you get the morning after pill? or an abortion?